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Going to live with my Dad?
Okay, so my Dad currently has a new home where he'd be staying there alone. In his apartment, he lived with his room mates. And 1 or 2 years ago, he had a stroke. Now, he's no longer going to be living with them, but alone. I think I should go live with him starting next semester of school, but my Mom is being you know.. motherly about it. She says to go live with him next year, but I'm pretty sure she'll change her mind about it.
I feel it's important for me to stay with me, even if I'm anxious and nervous since I'd have to totally move, and not live with my Mom anymore. I feel that it's really important for me to do so. If anything does happen to my Dad again and if he's alone -- then there will be no one to help him.
What can I do?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Talk to your dad. I doubt that he wants you to spend your college years taking care of him.
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I am a great deal older than most of the advisers on this site, so my advice will be somewhat different from what you may have received and may continue to receive from others.
I’m sorry to hear about your fathers’ stroke.
You do not say how disabled your father is from his stroke. If your father requires a great deal of care this can be very stressful by itself on the caregiver. You are going to add to that attempting to complete your college education as well. The combination of the two may be too stressful to be successful at either one.
Not knowing how disabled the stroke has left your father makes answering your question a bit tough. His stroke was at the least over a year ago and now he is moving out of an apartment he has shared with friends. If I read into this somewhat I would say it is possible your father is or was capable of living on his on with some support. Now for some reason, possibly he needs more support than his roommates care to give or he feels he has become a burden to them. Without proper care the effects of the stroke may be continuing to cause a slow decline in your fathers’ health. All of this is supposition on my part.
The only fact I see in your letter is a desire on your part to go and live and care for your father. You have not said your father has asked you to come live with him and care for him. To me this is the key question; has your father asked you to move in with him and care for him? For whatever reasons your father may have, he may not want you to live with him.
My suggestions are as follows: First, talk with your father and see if he will agree to you living with him and caring for him. If he agrees then visit his doctors with him to find out exactly what care is required. This would include possible physical therapy, his medication schedule, types of medication, diet requirements and other things. You did not say if your father is still able to work. If he is totally disabled you will want to check out what home health services are available to assist you in caring for you father such as the visiting nurse program, physical therapy at home. Meals on wheels are a good program to check into for him now for him as are the other programs.
I admire the fact that you are mature and caring enough to want to care for your father, but I would be remiss if I did not admonish you to respect his wishes should he refuse your offer. I am probably your fathers age or older and probably have a better understanding of why he might refuse your offer. I have also been on the receiving end of an offer to care for a parent. About 15 years ago when my wife’s father tool ill, we were prepared to pick up and move 250 mile from where we had made a life for ourselves so my wife could care for him. He flat refused to allow us to move in with him or to care for him. He lived for another 14 years without our help.
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First off, I am sorry about your father's stroke and his living situation. I know you must be really, really worried about him and very nervous about what to do. I wonder, have you gone to visit him when he is living alone? You don't say in your story how disabled the stroke left him. Some strokes are much worse than others. Some strokes do not disable the person so much that they cannot live alone, so I wonder about the extent of his disability. So I think that might be the first thing: visit....see how he is doing....try to figure out if he can make it alone. Secondly, is there anyone on your Dad's side of the family who can look after him where he is? Are you the only person who can live with him and be at the ready should he have another stroke??? And lastly, how does your father feel about this? Have you talked to him about your worries and fears about his safety? I think you have alot more to find out before making a decision to move in with him. Get more information first. Then, if you would, post here again. Good luck.
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