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Never had a childhood...Need to learn how to build a lasting friendship!
When I was a kid my parents always wanted me home RIGHT after school, I wasnt allowed to join sports teams because my parents(mom was too over protective. In highschool I went to a school almost an hour away because my sis went there and becasue all the students from my elementary school took over the options I had for schools in my neighborhood and I didnt want to go to school with them because I was a "loser" in elementary school and I wanted to start fresh. highschool was great! I made great friends I experimented I went out...Sometimes....and I found my soul mate! Now i do not go out with my highschool friends becasue they are too far, they were still experimenting when i left school and I was over that, and I was so fresh with my bf I wanted all the time w/him. Now our friendship is holding on by a thread, we havnt had a conversation in almost 3yrs and I don't know if i want to continue to expand a friendship with them. i am scared that they have changed and I have changed, we wont have anything in common, they are still single and enjoying their 20's and I hvan't even begun to enjoy mine. My bf wants me to get out and enjoy but I don't know how. Now i am in schoool and i have made new friends, most of them are underage and we cant go out but they are all in relationships and we have alot in common. they live far from me and its hard to plan to go out. I am afraid that I will be left with no friends EVER because my mom never let me live as a child, the only time I expressed myself was when I was an hour away from home. I blame my mom because I feel I never learned how to keep friends. I am great at making friends, i am outgoing ant caring but i have a real hard time keeping them, going out, planning to go out, HAVING A GOOD TIME! I don't want to loose my 20's and than regret it. PLS I want some HELP! I am debating on dropping out of school because I don't feel happy doing what i do, i enjoy going to class because i am with friends and that is the only place where I know we can meet up and have a good time! I love my bf so much and I don't want to blame him in the future, that is his fear. My fear is that I will be left alone my whole life and blame my mom who is alone, doesnt go out and says its becasue of me, she also tells me that my father never loved or cared about me. I want to enjoy life. i feel like the only reason I am still in school is because of my friends but I want to be able to go to school because of my career. i want to know if i actually enjoy the feild or if the stress from my friendships are impairing my judgement of weather or not I want to do what I am studying...My main goal here is to go out and build LONG & LASTING friendships. With my friends now or my frineds befor. i don't care, I just want to learn how to build that relationship. My friends now I don't knwo much about them, but they don't seem wild. My friends befor go out to clubs, drink (i don't drink too much) and hey already have a set group they have always hung out with since highschool. I don't want to get in the way of that. but I want that too, i want to have a friend or friends that when i am in my thirties and have kids they will be there. My bf has friends from his neighborhood who he can always count on and i envy him for that. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE tell me what i should do or plan to build on my friendships. PLEASE!!!!!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I am somewhat confused but will try to give you an answer. You mention the first group of friends being in their 20's and the second group pf friends being younger. Are you in college or high school?
I guess in the long run it really doesn't matter.
First of all you can have casual friendships with the older group without getting into the whole party thing. Unless they party 24/7 there is probably time in there to just have coffee or sit and talk with anyone you feel the need to see.
Second, you are putting way to much stock in school friends. Those real long and lasting friendships you speak of usually come about after you have started working in the real world. Some people may still be seeing school friends once they are out of school. Most will not. People move on. They go to different colleges, get jobs, get boyfriends, get married and have families of their own.
So, make friends where you are. While your in school, hang out with the friends of the moment and stop worrying about how long it will last.
When you're in your 30's you probably won't know where half of them are. You'll have made new ones.
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I'm not sure if this is the type of answer you're looking for but I will try my best:
Making and keeping friendships does take an active effort; it's very easy to lose touch with people. Start by making a transition to casual hanging out outside of class, maybe going to eat food or seeing a movie, and then go to shopping or a concert or more "serious" friend activities. There is much more to do with people than drinking, but the important thing is to DO things. Once you keep spending time with these people outside of class, the closeness will grow until you can start doing things like sleep overs and manicures and typical close friend things.
Keeping in touch with people far away is getting easier and easier thanks to modern technologies. IMing and facebook can be enhanced with video chatting and skype, and so the only thing to retaining a friendship is the effort and the desire.
If that's not what you were asking, feel free to ask me a follow-up question so that I can help you better.
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Start with getting to know your new friends better and creating a bond... invite them to lunch between classes, host a jewelry or purse party, or bring up the idea of a girls night out since most of you are in relationships. Also try to find some one-on-one time with each of them so you can develop a lasting bond (go shopping, watch you favorite show together every week, talk about boys, etc.). Then you can work on re-establishing your relationships with your old friends. Since they don't live close to you, try to plan a visit on a weekend, once a month or a few times a year. If you don't want to hang out in the bars, then suggest going to an amusement park or a spa... there are many things you can do besides drinking that everyone will enjoy. Just keep in touch and let them know that you want them in your life!
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