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How to deal with Messy Sister?
My sister is 18 years old. I'm 22 years old and recently moved back with my family after college.
She is ruining our lives. We live in a small apartment (It's me, her, my mom, and my brother). Everyday she creates a mess. There are clothes everywhere. She saves trash for some odd reason, which has caused a rat to come inside. I went into our closet and found rat poo everywhere because she had saved old food in there. She was supposed to go to college, but she lied about getting a scholarship there. They wanted us to pay $5,000, which we couldn't afford because we didn't know. We really want her to leave. I'm doubtful she will go to college. She steals stuff from me and my mother. I have things my friends gave me that she destroyed. She totally destroyed an expensive Chanel bag someone gave her. My grandmother passed away and left us a blanket she made, she destroyed that.
The biggest problem is she doesn't realize what she is doing wrong. She thinks she is doing nothing wrong. She gets mad and me and my mother, if we throw her trash away. She really makes everyone in out home mad. She constantly starts fights. We are perfectly happy when she is not home.
We don't know what to do. She won't leave, we can't force her to live on the street. People think she's nice, but they don't realize how much she has ruined our life.
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get to gether the $5000 and send her off it dosen't matter what you have to sacrifice it sounds alot better.
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Just do your best to understand her situation. Dont force her into things because it might get worse. Maybe she's doing these things out of misery. 5000$ is alot, get her to find a job to pay for it then she will understand the value of that education.
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Your sister is mentally ill.
I'm surprised no one else here has said it.
She's not just stubborn or stupid, she's sick. Very sick. Hoarding and lying and destroying things without understanding why these things are problems... that's not difficult or bitchy, that's plain old mentally ill. The brain isn't working correctly. She needs help.
Throwing her out on the streets is certainly not going to help her any. She's already proven she is completely incapable of taking care of herself. She'll suffer, and eventually die, because she is too ill to do anything else.
Try to change your thinking about her. Yes, she needs to change, and yes, it's miserable to be around her most of the time. But remember that she is sick, so sick that she can't do any better yet. Your family needs to at least TRY to help her get well, before you can expect her to learn that her behavoir is a problem, and to improve it.
Find a counselor, find support for families struggingly with mental illness. There are lots of groups out there with advice and support for you and your mom, and for her too. It's the only chance you have, and probably the only chance she has, to get any better.
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Throw her out on the street, sounds like she'd actually enjoy it. sorry, gut decision...give her an ultimatum, find a place to live in thirty days. if she doesn't comply, throw her shit out on the curb, and change the locks. people like this only understand force. or better yet, charge her rent....an exorbitant amount, to the point where she'll find an apartment without your urging, lock the fridge if she doesn't pay for her share of food. Any person that deliberately attracts rats deserves to live with them, and not in my house. but thats just my opinion.
oh, and might I suggest putting deadbolts on the doors to every room. Isolate her, make her pay five bucks to use the bathroom, and most important of all, make sure she can't get into your stuff and destroy it further. and if she gets pissy about it, just remain completely calm, and tell her she's welcome to leave at any time.
good luck getting rid of this pest.
-Gunner
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Hey there,
Ok firstly I understand where your coming from and that situation would most likey irrate the hell out of me too but have you and your mom and the rest of your family stopped to see it from her side?
have you ever sat down and had a one to one talk about it with her?ask her why shes doing stuff like that how shes feeling how it makes you huys feel. Because to me it sounds like a cry for help on her part that somethings bothering her and its most likey a cry for attention also.
kicking her out is only going to make the situation 100times worse she is your family after all whether you like or not you have to stick by and support each other and work through the problems.
tell her the behaviour has to stop that its really upsetting you guys then maybe she will start to see what shes doing and open up more..you say she doesnt even realise it sometimes i honestly dont think this is intentional from what youve said.
Im sorry if this isnt exactly the answer you were looking for but I think you guys need to really have an open and honest discussion about this,if you have already and things are still going on like this well then I would give her a warning if she doesnt shape up and pull her weight & stop messing things up then shes gonna have to find somewhere else.
I hope I helped in the slightest,
much <3
Jess 16/f
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