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Don't know if I want this anymore...
16/f
so i have been with my boyfriend for 2 years. he's 19 about to be 20 and turning 17 in december...well i can't decide if i want to be with him anymore. he's my first love but it feels like the flame is slowing dying and there's nothing i can do about it. plus he's going into the navy soon and i don't know if i'll be able to handle that. and i'm starting to develope feelings for another guy. and this guy flirts with me all the time. i just feel like i'm only with my boyfriend to make him happy and not myself. he wants to get married right after i graduate from high school but i want to go to college and have a steady job before i think about getting married. i love him i really do i just don't want to regret not seeing if there is anyone else out there for me. i will never regret being with him. it seems like we are always fighting and i think a relationship should be effortless and it's not. i just don't know what to do anymore...
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Break it off. Now.
If you stay with him, you will be married soon. You really, really don't want to be a navy wife living on base with the rest of the women stupid enough to marry a sub-21 year old sailor.
Plus, when he gets deployed, he will cheat. It is an absolute inevitability. Deployments start at 6 months and grow from there, and he wil get deployed. Did you know theres a date on ship where you are not supposed to sleep with anyone, and that date is set so that theres enough time for pennicilin to get rid of whatever STDs you picked up before you get home to your wife. One of my best friends is a Navy vet, and yes, he cheated his ass off.
You will get over this if you leave him, you will have a chance to have your own life and be your own person. If you don't leave him, I can guarantee with almost 100% certainty that you will regret it. Don't fuck up your life over someone who's peak worth at 20 is navy enlistee.
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Here the first thing I wanted to point out "i think a relationship should be effortless and it's not" No relationship is effortless, you have to work at it to make it work. Anything worth having is worth fighting for. Do you feel your boyfriend is still worth having? Do you feel he is still right for you? Do you feel the relationship is still making you happy? If yes, then fight for it. If not, stop wasting your time and end it. I understand you don't know what to do, I've been where you are now, unsure of what the future holds for you and your man. The best thing you can do is...
-Tell him exactly how you're feeling, exactly what you told us. w/o being arguementative. Just be 100% real with him. Now is the time to put it all out there...your fears and your doubts that you have in the relationship.
-Figure for sure if this relationship is what you want.
When I was in your shoes, that is exactly what I did. I talked to him and we ended up breaking up BUT we both realized we made a mistake and got back together. The reason I tell you this is, instead of breaking up we should have stuck it out and work through it together. I hope you know where I was going with that, good luck.
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You think a relationship should be effortless?
You better get over that before you get married. Think of the rest of your relationships in life: In most cases, the more intimate the relationship is, friend, best friend, sibling, parent, the more effort it takes to keep it happy and healthy.
No one can make this decision for you, it really is up to you. Either you'll break up with him, or you wont, but in the mean time, remember that everything worth having in this world, is worth working for.
Relationships shouldn't be a chore, but they most definately take effort.
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He sounds like a perfect guy... for someone else. It sounds like you should just be friends because, yes, being in a reltionship should be about passion and romance. If your flame is dying don't waste your life trying to recandle it, let him go.
Its not fair to him to lead him on about marriage and a future if there is none.
Let him know your still in high school, then best years of your life! He is going to the navy soon. You two are just on two different levels and its just not ment to be. Your heart belongs to someone else at this moment.
I don't know who this other guy is you feel attracted to but after you breakup with your current boyfriend you should consider dating him! You learn best from your experiences so if you date him who knows what can happen!
Best of luck
-C.D.
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