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Worried About A Friend
My Friend Ricky is going through a lot in his life right now. I want to help him out...
1.) He lost his full scholarship to a college
2.) He started smoking weed a lot
3.) He broke up with his girlfriend of 3 years
4.) He lost his grandmother
I tried telling him I was here for him but he's not taking any help from anyone. He's not working and he's unhappy...he needs to be pushed...I WANT to help him I can't let him fall through the cracks he doesn't deserve that!
What should I do? Please help!
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i know you feel hopless because you dont want to say something to him that will make him mad at you> but the best thing you can do for him right now is focuse on being a good friend to him because it sounds like thats what he really needs right now.... and mabye when u get close enough to talk about his addiction u can tell him that its not goin to help him and that smokin weed isnt goin to get his girlfriend or grandma back and if hes grandma was here she wouldnt be very happy remember she can see him everywhere and she is probably very dissapointed.
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I know how much you want to help- it only makes you a good friend to him. But as concerned as you are about his well-being, you cannot push him to do anything; he is the one who needs to make a conscious decision to change, and then do something about it. What you can do, however, is express your concern and worry. Adults, no matter how wrong and troubled they may be, do not want to hear other people tell them what to do or not to do. What he needs is your support. I recommend setting up a time to meet with him, whenever/wherever he wants, so you can let him know how you feel. Just tell him that you understand how hard things must be for him, having to deal with so much at one time...but that it concerns you that he is smoking a lot of weed to deal with his pain. Although weed temporarily dulls emotional pain, it cannot erase what is already done. He needs to understand that he needs to confront what is hurting him in life, instead of ignoring it. You can be a great source of comfort and support for him, if he is willing to talk to you and open up. He will be a lot more likely to turn his life around if he confronts what is bothering him- he can start off by talking to you. If he is completely unwilling to talk to you, however, you can always just make plans with him, without telling him upfront that you need to talk to him (going out for fun, etc.)- -then when the time is right, you can let him know how you feel. Hope it all works for the best.
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It sounds like the first thing Ricky needs to do is stop smoking weed. Weed is downer. It causes you to go into a state of depression. If he continues to smoke he will stay in that position. The girlfriend issue takes time and healing. He can get over that as well as the death in the family. Death is a part of life. As for the scholarship he can get grants that will pay for most of his education. The first step is to come clean and get off that weed. Go to several colleges such as secondary schools and not universities and just apply for grants or student loans. He can get help if its what he wants.
Live and learn, always remember this we live in our own misery. If you think about every time something happened to you that was bad it had to do with your own doing.
Things like death are a part of life, losing a girlfriend could be the best thing that happened to him. Why see it as a loss but rather a new beginning. College has so many wonderful groups and people that he can quickly heal and possibly find someone much more compatible.
You have to remember that some people live in self pity but you dont have to. Give him advice and walk away. You dont want to start absorbing his negativity.You are already a wonderful person for just caring.
Good luck
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I understand that you want to help your friend but there is only so much a person can do for someone when they don't want to accept the help. If he did accept the help even then is there only so much a person can do. If smokes weed often you can support him but he the one who needs to kill his habit, If he broke up with his girlfriend technically you can support him but again it was his choice to make. If he is not accepting the help right now than all you can do is tell him if he needs a shoulder to lean on you will be there to listen and eventually he will come around.
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