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parents being unreasonable
17/f
My parents are really being unreasonable. They refuse to approve of my boyfriend because he's not from the same group of people as us. He's puerto rican and my parents dislike him because of the reputation they carry but what upsets me the most is they are judging too quickly.. They haven't even met him in person to be making judgements. And my father refuses to allow me to go out with him anymore. This isn't the only thing they dislike about him.. He's 18 but could pass as a 20 yr old and my parents claim that if I bring him over the house there going to ask for I.d to prove his age its completely nonsense !! I just don't know what to do anymore I refuse to bring him over because I don't want them to scare him away and I don't want to tell him about this because it'll really upset him.. I don't want my parents choosing who I date or telling me who I can go out with ...
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hi, I was about 15 when i got with my husband guess what my parents forbided me to have anything to do with him now we are married and have two little girls. I would most deffintley let your parents meet him get around him. Just talk to your boyfriend let him know how your parents feel and he will be understandin and if he really likes you or loves you than you parents want scare him off he will still be around. Hope that helps and good luck i do know how you feel.
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Being Puerto Rican myself, this question really jumped out at me, and I think I can help. :)
I know you're almost an adult but you're still living under their roof. While you may not think that they have the right to tell you who to date or hang out with, they do. It's completely unfair, which I realize, but you're in their house, so you need to follow their rules.
I suggest you bring him over though. Show them that he isn't such a bad guy, and that you should be with him. Like Rahzie said, if he really cares for you & you guys want to be together for a while, he'll put up with them to keep you happy.
I really hope that your parents can change their minds about Puerto Ricans. I know the types of reputations they can get, but not all of them are bad or uneducated. Trust me. :) Everything will work out. I'm sure your boyfriend will definitely change their minds & things will be different. Good luck!
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You'd probably be best to explain calmly to your boyfriend, that yep, your parents are completely insane. You might be surprised. A guy who really wants to be with you will bare all sorts of nonsense from your parents, and if you are serious about being with each other for a while, the sooner you start to face your parents together, the better.
So, invite him over for dinner, let your parents ask for ID if they must, and tell him to be on his best behavior. If he cares for you, he will do that and not get scarred away.
As long as you live in your parents home, they actually do have at least some say in who you date and who you hang out with. By even allowing the idea of inviting him over: They are leaving you a small opening to prove them wrong about you and him. They are giving you the chance to prove that you are mature and confident in your choice of him as a partner, and they are giving him the chance to prove he is a respectful young man despite thier prejudices. If they were completely, 100% agianst him, they wouldn't even allow him in thier home. So take this chance and use it. It's an important chance for them to met him as a person, and for you both to show them that you respect their feelings and concerns, even if you don't respect all of their rules or opinions.
They are your parents, and you are a child living at home. You need to leap through some of the appropriate hoops too keep the peace, and to set yourself up for success in the future.
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News flash: your parents are not being "unreasonable". If your boyfriend looks like a 20 year old person OF COURSE they are going to be concerned. I'm concerned reading about it!
Race is a handy cover excuse for the issue. If they are in face racist, then that sucks... and you can either go ahead with the relationship behind their back or in defiance of them (good luck with that) or move out. They're still your parents.
However, it may be that they have run up against or heard about some negative experiences with Puerto Ricans, and are now judging ALL by the actions of SOME. The best way to combat that is to invite your boyfriend over for a meet and greet or to have him pick you up for a group date.... that way they can see what a nice young man he is.
I can tell you that your attitude of "my parents can't tell me what to do" makes you come across as immature. So, it may be best to improve your actions and thoughts towards your family. Instead of looking at it as "how dare they!?!" try looking at it as "they really DO care about me." Because if I can read what you wrote as "defiant and immature" then I'm guessing you've acted that way towards them... and one of the signs of a physical abuser is exactly that kind of change it produces in the victim. Now, don't get your knickers in a twist: I'm not saying your guy is an abuser. But I AM saying that this may be a concern for your parents, and something you really need to look at honestly.
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