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Only feel anger/boredom, contempt for others.
The entire extent of my emotional range is comprised of anger and contempt, and boredom and neutrality. I don't feel sadness, happiness, longing, grief or contentment. I'm described by others as brilliant, an analogical thinker, skillful and talented. Also described as distant, untrusting, uncaring and hateful by anyone I allow the mask to slip around.
I find most other humans to be naive, short-sighted, dim-witted, and stubborn fools. I am very perceptive, and I can read people very well. This almost always leads to the inevitable discovery that each person is a selfish beast who has no idea how things really work and therefore no clue about the world around them. This leads to a lot of contempt for most people. Contempt is one emotion I think I do feel. Why should I be so angry that (random example) Bob the Creationist refuses to see scientific fact, or is too stupid to understand it? I probably shouldn't be, but I am. Bob really pisses me off and I just want to knock that stupid smile off of his face. Yet, on the other hand, I will go out of my way to remove an offending spider from the house without hurting it.
Why can't I look at a tree and see its 'beauty'? Why do I instead see a collection of fibrous material supported by a root system, that branches off to support photosynthesizing leaves? Why must I then consider the stresses on the trunk induced by each portion of the tree in various environmental conditions, rather than just noting how pretty the leaves look in the wind? I don't know how pretty they are, I only know of the phenomenon of other people thinking they are pretty. Do you follow me?
I can't remember if I ever really felt other emotions. I think I did, I must have, when I was a kid. I don't really remember much of my childhood. Most of it is less than a blur. And most of what I do remember are bad memories. (Not necessarily terrible or evil, just not good.) I also know I did experience some abuse as a child. Mostly verbal and mental. Some sexual. But I remember those things, so they aren't repressed, and therefore shouldn't be manifesting as this problem. So, am I just naturally antisocial and narcissistic? Anyone have any ideas?
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Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Don't take this next sentence in to too much thought, but...people that are highly intelligent tend to want to see the actual facts just because of what they see through their naked eyes. Example: judging someone just because of their small actions. You have to grasp that sometimes over-analyzing things and coming to the conclusion that something or someone doesn't understand the world around them, just shows that you can be as blind as them.
You may have the talent to read people but it doesn't completely mean you understand their true values. (Please do not take what I have said so far as an insult of such, that is not my intention at all.)
There are plenty of people that believe they are surrounded by shallow, mindless crowds. This is just in my opinion but, the reason people feel that way is because we are judging that others don't see the same perspective that only what "our minds see" and we immediately believe that they are stupid enough to not realize it. It's odd but in a a way, every single person out there in the world practically has the same thoughts but most just take it in a different pace. And plenty don't want to show their true thoughts because they're afraid to express it and so they choose to hide it, which makes people become more judgmental about others (sorry if this might've confused you, not exactly too sure of how to explain something like this ^^;).
Finding the "beauty" of things means you have to be able to let go of trying to inspect facts. Put that all aside and hopefully you'll be able to see what you weren't able to...
But please if you can, go ahead and talk to a therapist who specializes to aid you with this. Handling this alone would be difficult and you are NEVER alone in this world. I hope this advice was of some help...I wish you luck and take care. =3
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In a sentence, you're an intelligent person surrounded by stupidity. I don't mean to sound conceited, but you're not the only smart person out there. There's a pretty simple explanation for this, and it has nothing to do with your obsessive-compulsive tendencies, or the abuse you suffered. But if you're not in psychotherapy, you should consider it. More on that in a second.
Part of this is your own doing: You're over-analyzing the world. You've demystified everything (so you think). Nothing's a puzzle, nothing's new, everything's boring, people are stupid. Where's the fun in that? Where's the LIFE in that?
Part of the beauty is not knowing everything, and believe me, you don't. No one does; no one can.
Anyway, your tendency to overanalyze could be attributed to your obsessive tendencies, but it's pretty characteristic of intelligent people, and cynical people, one of which you have become (that's typical of intelligent people, too). But you need to realize that you have CONTROL over this - you don't have to let it control you.
That being said, let me ask you this: What is the logical reasoning behind allowing yourself to be sucked into this negative spiral? Really think about that one for a minute.
As far as the abuse and negativity in your childhood, it could definitely be a contributor to your present negativity. Many things could be a factor in this, but you CAN overcome this.
Now. You've stated that you're having some serious problems with the lack of happiness that you feel. I'm sure you're aware that something isn't quite right as far as your thought processes go. That being the case, I strongly recommend you seek counseling from a psychologist, NOT a psychiatrist. If you and your psychologist determine that medication could be beneficial to you, then by all means seek out a psychiatrist. But what you need, it seems, is a new perspective - someone to help you think about the world in a different, more positive light. Psychotherapy is THE best way to instigate change and start walking down a mentally healthy path.
Everyone deserves to feel a little bit of happiness, intelligent or otherwise. You don't have to suffer like this, so please do something about it. Give your insurance company a call, find out if you're covered for mental health, and ask if they can recommend any counseling centers near you.
There's hope. =)
Siren
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Just because something is not a repressed memory doesn't mean it's not affecting your life, and I think it's safe to say the abuse you experienced when your brain was still developing has left a lasting imprint on the person you are today. To you, the abuse can't logically have had an affect on you. That's what your self confessed highly analytical brain is telling you. However, the brain you are using has been warped and twisted due to the abuse. It's like watering a tree. For a few years you water a tree using plain tap water. Then for a brief bit of time you water it with chemicals. Switching back to water isn't going to let the tree go back to normal; the chemicals it was once watered with will always have an effect on it. Same goes to your brain following abuse at a young age.
Talk to your doctor, ask them to recommend a therapist or some other mental health professional.
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