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Troublesome Toddler
I'm a nanny for two children, ages 3 and 5. I've worked with children ages infant - 10 years old, and I've never seen ANYTHING like these two. They are completely disobedient, they hit me, they call me names, they lie, and they have an EXTREME dependency on their parents. As a nanny, my responsibilty is to wake them in the morning, get them dressed, feed them, brush teeth and hair, and take them to daycare. The father leaves for work before they wake but the mother is still home. The children don't let me anywhere near them without them screaming and throwing a fit and wanting mommy. I've tried everything I can: fun activities, secrets, codenames, I bought them fish because they wanted pets, presents, treating them like friends, being the "adult". I've tried everything I can think of! Please, any ideas on how to get these children to become somewhat civilized?
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Want to answer more questions in the Domesticity category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Babysitting?
First I suggest talking to the parents. Ask them what they do discipline wise, and what they would find appropiate for you to do. Many parents clash over this type of thing; some of the most misbehaving children come from parents who think their perfect little angels could never do a thing wrong.
You need to gain respect and to do that you have to instill a level of fear in the child. Not that they will be scared to come near you, but that they will know what bad behavior will get them. I suggest time outs, taking away toys, treats, etc. Don't threaten to do so, you must follow through. Thats also a pitfall for many parents, they give in too early.
I would start with the five year old, he/she will understand you better and the younger one sees him/her as a role model and will follow suit. You could talk to he/she about how they are the older sibling and how you need the help with the younger because they are a big boy/girl. Kids from 3-6 are very much wanting to assert some independence and prove they aren't a little baby anymore.
You can tell them you will reward them but it has to go along with punishments too. They can take advantage of you if you only offer treats.
You could make a chart where they can place a sticker in a box for each day they were well behaved or for each activity they did well and once they recieve so many they get a prize.
They need to know that you are the boss once you get there. If their mother is present they feel like they can disregard you. Ask the mom if you can bring the kids to a room away from her until she leaves or if the mom can stay hidden from the children's view.
They may not see you as a threat because you are so kind and fun, but theres time for that after they become well behaved.
I suggest talking to the parents and choosing a plan of action and following through.
Good luck and keep trying!
-Abby
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You could try a few options. One, speak to the mother about their behaviour. I know this could be quiet awkward as she is paying you to care for her children but you have every right to speak to her or her husband in regards to any issues.
Be firm with the children. They obviously think they are allowed to do what they want, when they want. You need to put a stop to this. Let them know that you are the adult and they are the children. Not the other way around.
They think they have some advantage over you as it is 'their house' they'll do what 'they want'
How does the mother react to all of this? You mentioned she was still in the house. If she is willing to work with you on this then perhaps you could suggest that she step out of the house while you try to maintain the children.
Fun activities, secrets, codenames and presents are only showing them that they can do what they want and be treated for it.
Give them presents when they deserve it.. not bribe them with present. If they hit you, they need to be punished. Privelages taken away.
As I said, you really need to talk to their parents. Learn what your boundries are so you don't go over board with the children. They obviously don't have any authority within the household so therefore the children act up.
Also, did you ever consider the children could have a bad behaviour disorder? ADHD? Attention seeking disorder? Just monitor and consider taking it up with their parents.
Good luck, stay strong with them.
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