Long-term boyfriend ended it and I'm devastated! How to heal a broken heart
Question Posted Saturday August 15 2009, 2:50 am
The one person I have ever loved, who I lost my virginity to (huge mistake), bared my soul to, shared my future goals and dreams with, and who I planned my entire future with, doesn't want me anymore. He broke up with me today after 3 years of dating. I really thought we were going to get married and have a good future life together. This completely came out of the blue. Just yesterday we went out on a little dinner date and he bought me flowers. Today he told me that he's thought about things and just doesn't want me any more. I didn't see this coming. How can I cope? I feel like my entire world has been destroyed.
How can I get through this pain? He told me he doesn't need time to think about it or anything. He is very certain that this is the best decision. I can't stop thinking of what we had together and what we have gone through. I keep thinking about how STUPID I was for losing my virginity to him and trusting him with every ounce of myself. I am so lost. Please help me figure this all out!
I have found, firsthand, that the best way to get over a guy is to do the following:
Step 1: Have a really good cry.
- When my boyfriend and I broke up, I was super upset (like words cannot describe how bad I felt). But I told myself that I wasn't going to let it flip my entire world upside down. So I let myself have one really good cry, and then I told myself I'm going to start moving on. Which brings me to...
Step 2: Friends = lifesavers.
- Go to the mall and buy yourself something nice (don't over spend, though. Just something small, but nice. Like a new outfit or purse!) Or go see a movie, or out to dinner or something! Don't mope around your house all day doing nothing.
Step 3: Talk about it.
- It feels SO good to let it all out. Sit down with somebody you trust (for me, it was my mom) and just spill your heart out. Again, don't let it ruin your life or impact you too much.
Step 4: Move ON!
- Stop talking to him for a while (you need to give yourself time to get OVER him). Don't stalk his Facebook, spend time with other people, and don't even waste time TALKING about him.
Here are some more tips:
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Honestly, it's going to take time, and it's going to be hard, but once you get over him you will feel SO much better. I promise you that this guy is NOT worth wasting all of your time on, and that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. Go out and find a new guy that treats you right and is WORTH your time. Forget about this guy ASAP. You're young and have plenty of time for guys. And, as one of my favorite books puts it: The first boy is always the hardest.
SistasVice answered Sunday August 16 2009, 1:24 am: Ok first of all he did you a favor. Get up and go look in the mirror and tell yourself I will not cry over this asshole(even if hes not one) he doesnt deserve a single tear of mine. Do you think he is crying or sititng around being depressed about you, i doubt it! Time is presious & you should not waste it being sad about some guy. Friends are very important & will be key to helping you through this. Do a girls nite out & get lots of phone numbers (not that you should call any back but it will make you feel better. As far as the virginity thing goes, it sounds like the 2 of u had a good relationship & so you shouldnt really regret loosing it to him. And the thing about having regret is you cant change so past so why spend any time wishing you could. My best advice that doesnt just apply to breakups is EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, this guy was clearly not your soul mate, as much as he made you happy there is someone out there that will make you happier! Lastly, when you meet that guy that just sweeps you off your feet, who calls you a princess, whose life revolvs around you & your needs, the guy who you literally could not live without...you will realize that everything does happen for a reason (if you dont already)! Also, after being in a 3yr relationship soudns like you could use some serious single lady time to find yourself & redefine new goals for you & only you! [ SistasVice's advice column | Ask SistasVice A Question ]
HildaJrCarter answered Saturday August 15 2009, 8:57 am: Sorry to hear been there though.
Well honestly don't sit around at home and just think about it ? get out there have fun go clubbing (if you're old enough" go out with your friends and all do something fun to get your mind off him,don't listen to depressing songs,delete your meassages and everything got to do with him,try avoiding him it'll be hard but you'll get through it i promise you.
Move on let it go,he obviously wasn't worth it at all and you can do better,sometimes you should write down how you feel and everything it really does help,excerise so you feel happy and healthy maybe,just try to keep yourself busy,you'll make it don't worry [: [ HildaJrCarter's advice column | Ask HildaJrCarter A Question ]
diz_anjel_grl answered Saturday August 15 2009, 6:03 am: hmmm.. i've been through this before. except mine lasted a year. if he said that he doesn't need to think about anything, then maybe it's time to let it go. but what happened with my boyfriend was that he regretted it later, because he was actually clear on what was going on. and he wanted me back, did your boyfriend say why he wanted to break up with you exactly? i think you should talk about it, and then take it from there. if it's a stupid answer.. let it go, it's not worth it. because then you'll know that you should be with someone that you can really trust and wouldn't do that to you. i know it is really hard to cope, but you have to let time heal you. just know that, you can fall in love more than once. i know i did, i fell in love with my current boyfriend.
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