I am 19, female. For years it's been like this.. my parents are always criticizing me over everything. I was going out with this one guy for two years, and we were engaged. I lost my virginity to him at 18 while engaged, thinking we were getting married. Well, he betrayed me and broke my heart. Awhile passed, and I met this new guy. We're truly in love, and really feel we're the one for each other. We just had that sudden connection and bonding that is so nice. We are starting to get serious though. I am loving this situation between he and I.
Problem is, is my parents. I can never talk to them without them critizing me. They treat me like a child, making me do chores all the time, doing their chores, threatening to spank me all the time, force me to stay at home when I forgot to do a chore, and control where I go in my car. When I was out job-hunting a lot (I am laid off), I would need their gas credit card to get gas. Well, my dad would scream at me if he saw that I got a soda or two while getting gas. He'd yell at me when I got gas and forgot to inform him.
So now that my boyfriend and I are getting serious, I would like to tell my parents about the situation, and how I feel about him. But I am scared to because with my ex, they criticized me. I didn't even tell them yet that I am not a virgin anymore. Last night coming home from seeing my boyfriend, they wanted to talk to me about the "Sex talk." Mad because I am 19, and know what sex is.. but they think I know nothing about it.
Today, I cried because I wanted to tell my parents about some ants that got in my room. They yelled at me for that. I am sick right now, and they wanted me to clean. I have done most of it, and my dad checked up on me and saw I wasn't finished so he started yelling at me. Right when I tried to respond, he slams my door.
My mom used to be a severe alcoholic, now she drinks heavily once or twice a week (not sure if that's still considred alcoholism). When she's drunk, she triew to find me and she hits me, and yells at me. My dad doesn't drink, but he is stressed from having no job so he takes it out on me. My parents blame me for everything that happens in the house. If a diet coke is gone from the fridge, I get yelled at, and I don't even drink diet coke.
I can't tell them anything, I feel like a young child in this house. My younger sister gets to do what she wants. She smokes, and plays video games all day. My parents know and don't care. I personally prefer not to drink, smoke, or do drugs, I attend online college full-time, and I do spend my time on this advice column giving advice; but today I need advice myself.
I am trying my best to get a job, and leave.. my boyfriend is going to find a place after he gets home from Myrtle Beach which, and comes back next Sunday (not this coming one). When he does, and I move with him, I lose everything.. so I guess I am screwed. I can't move in with anyone else for that same reason, plus no one will take me in temporarily.
Please help me, and give me advice on this matter. I just feel broken and helpess, when I am trying my best to stay strong.
I have been through alot of bad things in my life, but of the most recent, was my senior year of highschool....
My mom was in her second marriage, and when i was in junior high, she was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and severe depression. in order to make ends meet with her new medical bills, my step father took a job with the government and had to move to Iraq to help with military. he would only be able to come home 2 weeks out of the whole year....
well while he was gone, and we started getting good money, my mom started abusing drugs and not even opening bills anymore. she did drugs on top of taking her medication and the side effects were severe halucinations and paranoia.
He was gone for years and I tried getting ahold of him to tell him what my mom was doing several times, but my mom would always catch me and i would get in big trouble. the bills werent getting paid and i had to start taking care of my little brother. alot of responsibility was on me and I felt like i was the adult. on top of everything, my mother started accusing me and my little brother of creepy things like crawling in her bedroom on the floor in the middle of the night, and even accused the neighbors husband of breaking in our house when he was out of town on a business trip!
then she started cheating on my step dad with a guy who was young enough to be MY boyfriend, and when my stepdad came home unexpectedly, my mom was caught.
everything blew up from there, they split up, and they both moved into seperate 1 bedroom apts. that left me no place to go!!
So I was a senior, about to graduate, and I was couch surfing for almost 3 months. The DAY I graduated highschool, I starteds my first job and I never looked back. Ive been independent ever since.
im sorry for the long post but i wanted to give you some background info before I gave you advice, so that you knew that Ive been through a similar situation. heres my advice
work work work as much as you can. I got laid off too and dont have a job right now, but find a decent affordable apartment and get out of that house as soon as you can!
this is a toxic enviroment for you and if you dont get out now, if can damage your adult life.
living independently is VERY HARD. but if you are willing to sacrifice alot of things, it will be worth it in the end.
today I am 21. Ive lived on my own since I was 17, and have been through many tough times. My fiance Chris and I have been together since my sophmore year so hes been with me through all those bad times.we live together so financially its easier, but right now like I said Im unemployed so theres alot of stress on his shoulders.
the best tip i can give is to plan plan plan. dont worry about what your parents are going to do. you cant live in fear anymore its not right.
Email me for more advice, Im taking up too much space here.
monique09 answered Saturday August 1 2009, 5:01 am: Me and you both are in the same situation...I have always been the one screamed at for no reason at all,beaten for the smallest reason of all while my others siblings have the time of their lives.And im a twin,so when one twin is treated better,it can be a pain.But you know what,Eveything that has happened to me when I was younger played a big role on who I'am today.And your problems will also become your strength.You have to be strong and keep your head held high.Dont let your parents get in the way of living your life.Just know that you are going through the things god wants you to go through so you can have a better TOMMOROW.He's preparing you for something wonderful and remember that he will never put you through something that you couldnt handle.Love yourself first.Its great that you are taking college classes and that you are looking for a job.You are gonna get your diploma and find a job that you probably never though you could get.And as for this younger sibling,we all have those "spoiled" brothers and sisters that cant seem to do no wrong.And really think About if you wanna actually move in with your boyfriend.You are so young and have your whole life in front of you and I would hate for you to lose who you really are because you wanna make your boyfriend happy.There's nothing wrong with makin him happy just make sure that you are happy in the process.And you know what,when I wanted to talk to my parents about how they were treating me I actually wrote a letter and left the house so they could read it in piece and came back later.When I got home my mom hugged me and apoligized.We both started crying.And from then on my mom respected me.As for those chores,at least when you get your first place you will be able to keep it clean and neat unlike that sister of yours who will forever depend on mom and dad.For encourgement,you need to listen to a song called believer by christina milian.I love it and every time I hear it,its makes me a lil strongeer.For what you go through,you truly are a champion.Let every one know that you're sometimes broken but never defeated. Best wishes to you sweetie and to your boyfriend..stay stong...~ladypink~ [ monique09's advice column | Ask monique09 A Question ]
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