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tainted love
okay so whoever manages to solve this one deserves a gold medal. ill try to make this as short as possible.
ive been dating my bf for 3 and 1/2 months and im VERY affectionate, hopeless romantic, etc. I realized he isnt. and last night i found out why.
see what he would do is tell me he loves me and wants to be with me, but then he wouldnt really show it too much. i could tell he was holding back. A LOT. he didnt really show me his true feelings. i always was patient with him because i knew hes been through a lot. but last night i found out just the extent of his experiences in love. he dated this girl that really MESSED him up. he loved her so much and was happiest when he was with her, but then she did the worst thing imaginable. worse than cheating. however even after the incident he still wanted to be with her. eventually she cut him off completely and i dint think he ever had closure with her. he hates her now but i think deep down he still loves her. and the thing is he doesn't want to have anything to do with her, and he always tells me he cant believe im real, that no one has ever treating him like i do, but at the same time i still feel like he cant be completely true with me or love me to the fullest because he doesn't wanna suffer like he did again. i don't know how to help him, and the thing is there is a quite big age gap between us me being 18 and him being 26. i haven't gone through half the stuff he has and because of that he still sees me as young, and kinda naive, and therefore unable to understand what hes been through, and hes right i cant FEEL it, but i understand it, i could cry for him thats how much it affects me. but he tells me not to worry and just be happy. i just wish i could help him get over this horrible girl/incident that happened to him, but hes not really letting me. we cant really have an amazing relationship if hes not letting himself open up again. hes just so affected by it....what can i do????
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Well it can be either what that person wrote under me "he's just not that into you"
OR ...
Well you see ... I understand what that guy is been through, we have something in common.
I have issues letting anyone into my life, I'm always scared if they are going to hurt me or do something that will annoy me..
Last relationship I blew it but he was going to give me another chance, and I think you should give him another chance.
Well yes what i did was horrible and something you'd wish your boyfriend won't ever do and in fact it was ...
I believe in a saying "Eat her/his lunch before he/she eats your dinner" and that's exactly what i did, i broke his heart because i thought he was going to break mine. But he wasn't going to eat my dinner, and the problem is i discovered that after eating his lunch.
See, you have to be cool about it, confront him would be a good thing, tell him exactly how you feel, tell him what your telling this website.
Hold on to him because somehow he needs you, he might not realize it now but will later.
And yes he does still have a thing to the previous girl, why?
Because I mean in a relationship when the partner doesn't want you anymore, you would want him desperately and when you beg for him and he still doesn't want you, you'd hate him but you'll always somehow want him.
But when you guys become serious as in marriage, he'll get over her don't worry about it.
Good Luck =]=]
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Ok, you know what.. I'm just going to tell you like it is. He's just not that into you. If he was that into you, he'd walk through fire to bring you a glass of water. Stop it with all the guessing or trying to figure him out. He's simply not THAT into you. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with YOU. He's got issues. Why waste time begging, pleading and cajoling a man with such emotional baggage into doing what he should be doing as a man and that's adoring you the way you deserve. Yes, you love him but it takes more than love baby. Don't settle for 2nd best.
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Okay. He probably does like you a lot but he is afraid to let anybody in. I mean maybe he is afraid if he gets to close to you and later on you leave. Talk to him about it, ask him if he trust you and loves you. If he wont talk to you maybe you should forget about the girl and be happy you are with him. Just let him know your not going to leave him and that he can trust you. Tell him you trust him and how you feel about him. But in the end maybe it would be best to end it if it does not go anywhere.
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You know, I'm only 16 going on 17, but I might have an inkling about what is going on. I think that you're right about him still having some feelings for her because that shows when he holds back. He needs closure from her, and he hasn't gotten it yet. I think that you need to confront him and ask him straightforwardly "Do you still have feelings for her?" and ask him to tell you the truth. If there is any hesitation, then I think that he does, which probably means that you two should break up. If you have tried to open up to him and make yourself available to console him, but he's not accepting it, then there's really not much else that you can do. You can only do so much..
Sorry if that wasn't the answer that you were looking for, but that's what I think.
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