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Very depressed. Can't get pregnant.
I’m still really young, but I want to have a baby! I’ve been sexually active for about a year and have had unprotected sex at least 3 times. Each time, I always think I’m pregnant, and get overly excited at the idea of being a mother and having a little baby girl or boy to take care of. My mom waited until she was 30 to start having kids, and honestly I think it’s stupid. My mom and I don’t get along at all and have absolutely no level of communication, and my theory is its because she’s so much older than me. I think that if we were a little closer in age, we might be close. But right now I can’t stand her.
I asked a question on here a few months ago about how I wanted to have a baby really badly, and someone told me I had a “baby bug”, which I know isn’t a real virus, but I know I have it again. I just found out yesterday I’m not pregnant and have been severely depressed since then. Every baby commercial I see makes me cry and just now, even watching Sailor Moon and Serena’s “daughter” Reeni upset me deeply and I had to turn it off. My ideal age to have a baby is 15, but I didn’t get pregnant around that time, and now I’m 16 and obviously still not pregnant. I’m getting really annoyed with myself. There are more important things to get upset over than whether or not I’m gonna have a baby at 16, but I’m so worried I’m not able to get pregnant! I just want to have a baby now and get it over with, rather than wait until I’m old and more likely to be not as close to my future daughter or son. I’ve tried talking to my boyfriend about this, but he doesn’t understand. And my two closest friends don’t understand because neither of them want children and think I’m being ridiculous! I don’t know what to do.
16/f
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Babies. Pregnancy.
Lots of people your age want babies - now or sometime in the future. It can be a lovely fantasy, particularly when you believe you will be a better mom than your mom is currently being to you.
But you know what? Most people in the 14-19 range have a very difficult relationship with their parents during this time. It doesn't matter what age the parent was when they had the child - and in fact, parents who wait before having children can offer a lot more life experience to their children's upbringing.
I think wanting a baby is a lovely thing. I've been there myself. I know it must be very hard for you when you aren't getting pregnant. Here's the honest truth from my point of view: you are lucky you have not gotten pregnant.
I am not dissing pregnancy or motherhood here - both great things. But they are great things at the right time - this is when you are financially and emotionally stable. This includes owning a house, car, and having a healthy pot of savings. It also means having a good education and dependable job - if you truly want to be an excellent mother (which it is clear you are motivated to do!!), these are all things you should have set in place before you bring a baby into your life.
Once you make the decision to have a child, a lot of other options are cancelled out. There is no turning back. At your age, you have YEARS of fertility ahead of you - this means that you can experience all the stuff someone in their teens, twenties, etc should experience and STILL have children later on. It's the best of both worlds!
To help with your baby fix, and to help prepare you for motherhood, why not spend some time volunteering after school in a daycare? Or babysit?
The reality of pregnancy and motherhood is that it is very, very difficult. You are doing the best for yourself and your child when you can objectively say you are really ready. Being ready for a child is a lot more than simply wanting one. You have to have quite a lot of money, support from your family (and independence), and be in the best possible place yourself. It is the only responsible way to do things.
Plus, you would probably need to continue living at home once your baby was born - and that will likely make your relationship with your mother far worse. Why not wait until the time is more reasonable?
Whatever you decide, I genuinely wish you the best in life.
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First- As strongly as you feel about having a baby I can tell already that you and your child will be very close no matter what age you are when you have them. So wait a while.
Second- I'm sorry but I have to be blunt here- If you think that you can just have a baby at 16 and everything will be blissful you are kidding yourself!
Do you know what kind of jobs a high school dropout gets? (If you can even get ANY job in this economy!) And do you know how much those jobs pay?
Do you know how much a baby costs? Childcare?
Do you realize that this will pretty much be then end to your friends / social life (or ANY kind of life for that matter other than trying to keep food on the table.)
I KNOW I KNOW what you think you want but I don't know if you've fully thought this through.
My mom got pregnant at 16 and has regretted it ever since. It was clear that she wished she never had us kids and she wanted what she missed out on.
Don't make yourself OR your kids go through that.
Go talk to a teen mom before you make a HUGE decision like that.
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Just because you can't have a child at 16, doesn't mean when you do have one you will be old and not able to 'be as close' with the baby. Your child is your child, not your friend. You don't need to be only 16 years older than your child. That means when you're 30, the child would be 14 and already in high school. You should at least wait until your early 20's.
Even if you had the baby in six years when you're 22, the kid would be twenty when you were 42. You would barely be into your middle-age and the child would already be in college or have graduated college.
The only thing that is going to make you not close to your baby is if you have it now while you can't afford it. I'm assuming since you're 16 that you're still mostly dependent on your parents. Babies are unimaginably expensive and time-consuming. Your parents would end up raising in the kid financially until you're at least 20. Your parents would probably be closer to the baby than you would be because they are fully matured adults and you are not.
There's nothing wrong with waiting until you can afford to have a baby, are with a steady boyfriend that WANTS a baby, and have your own place. I'm sure you'll make a great mother since you want to be one so badly, but you need to wait until you're well-off enough to be able to take care of it.
Hope this helps,
Darby(:
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