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Letting people in
I can't seem to be able to let anyone in. As soon as anyone gets close to knowing me, or in anyway just close to me, I push them away. How do I stop shutting people out. I don't talk the person I consider my bestfriend really. I'm a listener not a talker. Theres no use in complaining about my problems, it doesnt do anything. I just want to be able to get close to someone, anyone. How do I do this?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I had trouble letting people in and feeling not accepted and that people didn't understand me. What my problem was, was that I was afraid of being betrayed or not being accepted. I looked at my options.
You have to ask yourself what you want. You can live forever with relationships with people and know your going to take the occasional hit or backstab. But you would live life with love and relationships.... Or you could live your life caged up and push everyone away and be alone.... Thats what I did for a while anyways and I hated it.
You need to let people in knowing that love/relationships= 1) possible pain 2)a life worth living.
Hope this helps :)
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Normally i would write out everything that i've learned in my life about this,i was exactly like you! but i'm running out of time on my labtop so sadly i cant (besides, it'd be lots to read and i usually repeat myself =P) but i've found a great website of tips that'll help you and give you a start-
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
^you must learn to do this before you can break the barriers of letting people in! side notes : use the "fake it 'till you make it" method- confidence wise. Meaning if you're insecure, ACT confident and secure-you'll soon feel that way. "find the funny" - meaning laugh in every bad or embarissing situtaion! Dont let humiluating things get to you - just think "whoops :p!" and laugh it off-it'll help loads ;D.
Don't over think. If you catch yourself planning out what you're gunna say- STOP. Stop in your tracks and think up of any random thing,sing a song in your head or just say "BLAH BLAH balhlaalhlablah" in your head till you think of something else. You can't plan things-it never works out. Being insecure and caring what people think is a state of mind and is only in the mind. Change your thinking to "I am confident and independent!" Don't get down if you say something stupid, it happens- remember to laugh it off-it'll all work out later. besides, embarissing stories are fun to tell and break the ice in many conversations ;D! Your strong, and trust is hard for you. Your not alone! Set a goal each day like "I'm going to smile at someone in the hall today" or "I have to meet at least 3 new people today!" Start small,work your way up :D! I'm sorry i couldn't give more advice, i'm already in a hurry right now XP! Type in google thinks like "How to be more trusting" or "How to be confident" and you'll get some really good things! Its a common thing to feel this way-everyone does at least once in their life time! You must love yourself before people can love you!
ps; new situation? tackel it with excitement instead of nervousness. instead of being like "I'm so nervous to talk to those people" think "I can't wait to lean more about them :}" change your thinking to positive and people will catch your vibes
hahah sorry this is scattered but i know how you feel,i can relate so much! as long as you feel good and happy, dont worry about anything else-so start with that :D hope i helped! good luck,you'll soon be more confident and happy =]
xkisakissx
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Well you have to stop being the listener. You need too be the talker as well. Yes it may not help slove the issues when talking about them. It makes you feel better by venting. While talking to one of your friends just jump in one day and start complaining. lol!! You may also though have trust issues. In that case you need too find someone you can trust little stuff with first. Like gossiping about people at first. If that person doesn't tell then you know that you can trust them. So just depends on what holding you back.
Good Luck!
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don't worry a lot of people have this with others. they don't like to let poeple in because something happened to them when they were growing up and they don't want it to happen again.
i suggest that you go slow when meeting someone don't let them walk all over you or go to fast. tell them that you may have to find time to work on letting them into your life this doesn't have to be a boyfriend it can be anyone even a dog perhaps if that is one as well. don't talk to the dog just kinda go slow when your around people. again don't worry a lot of other people on the planet have trust issues or they are just afraid of letting someone in because they are afraid of being hurt again and they believe that they can't handle that.
hoped i helped you.
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