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About relationships
Well my problem revolves around relationships and sex. I am 19 F and have never had a relationship in my life.I have been asked out a lot and at the moment have a couple of friends who really like me, but I don't want to go out with anybody and don't want to have a relationship. I have never kissed anybody on the lips, don't feel sexual needs and haven't been attracted to anybody. I'm no blind, I can tell that someone is hot and cute, but i'm not attracted to them. Once I thought about going with someone who is really close to me and likes me, but then I had a headache and just couldn't bring myself to do it. It's as though I have this STOP switch in my head and can't overcome it. My problem is that I think I like someone but my STOP switch is in full activate mode whenever I think of trying something. My family tells me that my condition isn't normal and I need to see a psychiatrist if I can't overcome it myself, because it will create problems in the future and it might mess me up mentally. Is it really? Is there potential danger of that happening? Do people who just can't be in relationships or don't feel attracted to others other then me exist? I am becoming worried. It was never a problem before, I was just who I was and didn't care what others thought about it. But with the appearance of this new friend who I like this is becoming troublesome. And yet I don't want to change it. I know that when someone starts seeing a psychiatrist about a problem he/she has they have to want to change that problem in order for the sessions to work. Otherwise they are just going with defenses put up and ready to argue and defend their problem. I not only don't want to change it, I don't see it is a problem. It's just a part of me, which I can't and don't want to let go of. If I can't see it as a problem than why would I even go to a psychiatrist? Because it is hurting my friend that I like, who also likes me, and it is also hurting me when I think about that friend. And what my family told me seems to be coming true. I feel confused and lost and extremely ready to defend this part of me that others see as a problem. What should I do? Do I really have a mental problem?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
It sounds as if theres some kind of barrier between you and your emotions.
I would honestly advise seeking a therapist. I could easily be wrong, but off the cuff what you described sounds like subconscious avoidant behavior.
A usual likely cause is repressed memory trauma.
Its possible that you simply have a much lower amount of hormones flowing through you than normal. That is easily fixed, once they figure out how much you're lacking they can give implants, possibly oral hormone pills to make up for the deficiency and get you back up to normal levels.
The other option is alot less fun, but if it IS psychological then theres something triggering. Your description of the "Stop switch" sounds VERY much like the avoidance I described earlier.
You are viewing a psychiatrist visit as an admission that "theres something wrong with me".
Thats not right.
As people grow and mature, they develop ways to help themselves, they learn more about how they function and learn to integrate that into the rest of the world.
Sometimes, the tools we need in a given situation are harder to find. A psychiatrist is someone who is trained in the use of the best tools to help yourself that people have learned. They might well be able to help you understand something about yourself that you didn't know before, or be able to help you solve problems you've had that you had been stumped on for a long time.
I was diagnosed with ADD when I was a kid.
This wasn't now, when ADD is a common excuse to give your kids ritalin to calm them down. This was when they didn't know a ton about it and were just starting to test for it. I was on the rather extreme end of the ADD scale.
I spent 4 years of my life taking meds for it. The school nurse would find me during recess to give me a couple of pills which I could never really explain to anyone what they were for or why I had to take them. I settled on "theres something wrong with me"
Thats the wrong way to go about thinking about it.
ADD is an obstacle I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life. My attention span is that of a gnat unless I have enough energy for alot of concentration, and while I don't currently medicate for the condition, I don't see anything wrong with that choice.
Your mental state is an obstacle. Thats a fact you'll have to deal with. Sticking it out alone and trying to figure it out and integrate it into your life is one path around it, seeking help is another.
Personally, I would at least get tested for the hormone deficiency option. It should be an easy fix, and I think that if you figured out enough to know where this difference comes from and why its there you'd be able to make a better decision to try to change it or try to accept it.
Going to a psyche doesn't mean you have to decide that you want to change yourself. But it does show the maturity that you are willing to consider a change if you judge it to be in your best interest.
Oh yeah, and not having sex has no known physical negative repercussions. Sex is not vital for life, merely for its perpetuation.
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The start at the end: No. The idea that not having sex is physically harmful isn’t scientifically supported. There is some scientific credence to the idea that orgasms, specifically for men, might promote good testicular health, but it has little to nothing to do with hormones, and there are no reputable studies coming to similar conclusions about females.
What we do know is that sex is a good workout, and a natural anti-depressant. That’s about it.
Your thinking about psychiatry is actually a bit out of whack: Sometimes the point of going to counselling IS to defend and explore justifications for your own beliefs. It is through that exploration that we come to understand what we feel. The idea that you have to really want to change the problem is certainly true of addiction therapy, but not of all therapy. For instance, some people might go to therapy to help them dissect and examine their feelings about their relationship with the biological parents they never met. In the situation, therapy isn’t about fixing the ‘problem’, meeting the biological parents might be impossible! It’s about talking and discussing one’s own thoughts so as to better understand and be more comfortable with the person you are.
So absolutely, I would encourage you see a therapist (not necessarily a psychiatrist, but a therapist, you should research the difference). However, you should see a sex-positive therapist who is aware that different sex drives are very real, and ideally, you should ask a therapist what their experience with asexuality is.
Asexuality is defined as having no sexual desire.
There is a link below that will take you to more information about asexuality, but first, PLEASE READ THIS:
There is A LOT of bad science about asexuality online. As you mentioned in your question, there are a lot of people out there simply looking to justify themselves and defend their position, rather than seriously explore who they are and what they want. PLEASE do not jump on the label of asexuality simply because it is a new idea that seems to fit. Be sceptical about where you get your information from. Allow yourself to learn and to grow. Talk to a therapist with experience with asexuality. DO NOT rely simply on online resources and discussions. Get credible information, and remember that sexuality is personal and fluid.
Good luck!
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