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Did he use me? or am I overreacting? =(
My Boyfriend. I've never felt so close to anyone.
So I did something stupid and had sex with him too soon on Thursday. He sometimes would talk to me on the phone until I got home which would take 30 mins. He didn't afterwards. He wasn't even going to walk me to my car until I mentioned it or didn't give me a kiss goodbye. Maybe because I had to end it short because I had to go home. Ever since then he hasn't been the same. To think someone could be so cold and to use someone for sex, BUT I have my doubts because these are the good things he did that no one could just think of :
-He'd wake me up everymorning for school and text me after to make sure I was up.
-We text all day and he would tell me everything that was happening at work; even little jokes his coworkers said.
-After I was done with my hw he would call me.
-I texted him saying I was going to take a nap he said, "no, call me so we can fall asleep together."
-I told him I can't help driving fast and one day out of the blue he said, "please don't drive fast. I care too much for you." So, I stopped.
-He wrote a song for me and only let me hear a verse and said I couldn't hear the rest until he was done.
-He always texted me to drive safe, even if it was just around the corner.
-He took my ring finger a lot and said "This will be mine one day..."
-He asked what age did I want to get married and let him kno when I found out.
-He looked me in the eyes and said "please don't cheat on me." (because he'd asked if I ever had on someone because I did...)
-he would hold my hand while we watch t.v. and then smile.
-he would hold me and squeeze me tight while saying he missed me.
-He thought I was sleeping once and kissed me on the cheek.
-He would never hang up on the phone when he needed to make calls; he three-wayed me with them. Especially his parents. AND He always insisted I meet them.
(when he called people he would say, my name and say I was on the phone.)
-He would look me in the eyes and hold my hands and say "forever...?
-He kissed me on the cheek and then I would kiss him on his and then we'd kiss on the lips; a small cute peck.
-He told me then always showed me what an eskimo kiss was.
-He always asked if I was hungry or ok?
-He hated mangos, but I loved them, so one day at work he bought a mango drink and took a pic and sent it to me.
-I knew most of his friends and we'd laugh and play videogames with them.
-If I even mentioned a boy, he would get annoyed and not want to hear it. If I mentioned a girl for him he'd get even more annoyed.
-Right before we were going to have sex, he asked if I was sure and looked me in the eye seriously.
Bad, after sex (Thursday):
-He was getting in his car after I was leaving and said he was going to his mom's, when I got home and asked if he was still there he said he went to get food instead, but was in bed. (usually he would have told me he changed his plans.)
-He did not text me bak that night until midnight (before he had said "if I dnt text you back that means it didn't send. I'll always text back)
I asked him about it the next night and I said "out of all nights we don't talk on the phone, its the night we had sex. he got mad and surprised and confused basically. so I said I guess I'm trippin."
-Friday no call hardly text. said he was moving things with his dad's new house. Last week when he was moving his things, he talked to me on the phone and texted me while moving.
-Saturday a goodmorning baby text. I ask if he's done moving at around 9, he said all he had to do was move the tv. but around 1230 I asked if he was done yet, he said "No, its an all day thing." !! and by the way, he never texted me back after that.
-Around 8 he calls me after I called him on this girl's phone to see if he'd answer n he DID. he sounded like he was driving and said "hey baby I been turnin me phone on and off so I havnt called you. Can you come over at around 1 or 2 tomorrow? I'm leaving my dad's house in the morning. And baby I just want to let you know I have been thinking about you--" I hung up on him and gave him "yea sure" answers. 1st: when someone is lying they make up an excuse, I wasn't going to ask why he didn't call me. 2nd he never says a time for me to come over!
Concluding this: Am I overreacting to things? Is this just me trying not to be a broken hearted girl? Or is he just a hit it and quit it guy? But WHY and HOW could he do those things to me with such sincerity JUST for sex? Is he really that cold........?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
"I called him on this girl's phone..."
Was this a girl he shouldn't have been with? If so, then, that's a clue, don't ya think?
Don't try to contact him. If he doesn't contact you, then there's your answer.
Some guys are definitely users and will do and say anything to get in your pants. You've got to be careful. You shouldn't have sex with a guy unless you're dating for at least a year. That'll separate the BS artists from the guy who really cares for you. The BS artist will be long gone.
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OMG! you're going through what i think is one of my biggest fears. for that to happen to me, i think i would die. but okay ive had some experience with guys and i think i can offer some good advice.
first, you need to calm it down with him a bit. im not saying youre overreacting, i would react the same. but you need to not let him know that you suspect he might be using you. because if he isn't, then youll mess up your relationship and he will begin to think youre paranoid and might break up with you. so act cool around him, play it cool. just imagine how you would respond to him if you guys had never had sex. would you treat him the way youve been treating him so far?
second, that doesn't mean you should blindly believe everything he says. There is an easy way to tell if hes using you, but DONT accuse him until youre 100% sure. If from now on, he only continues to call you to hang out and every time he insinuates he wants to have sex, he may be using you. but sex changes everything, however, you might also be the one that changed after the sex, so for a while act like you always would, and if you notice hes SIGNIFICANTLY different, then yes, sorry to say he may be using you. Now, in my opinion, he probably isn't. because of all those things he said and did for you. the marriage thing was a bit off because im guessing hes older? and you're still in high school? but idk the whole situation. oh and guys will often be perfect at first and then feel like they dont have to work so hard. so you know, it also depends on how long youve been going out. you have to look at all factors. and basically my advice is be aware but DONT accuse him, or you might ruin something good...hope that helped!
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Completely honestly, I cant tell you.
Theres alot of odd things going on, I don't think you're off base in feeling that somethings changed. As to what, I have no idea.
The amount of attention you detailed before sex is unusual if he was just hit it and quit it mode. Usually a guy who just wants to get laid shows the bare minimum amount of attention to achieve that goal.
Its possible, in the realm of human emotions and actions, that he is a cold asshole who went way overboard to make sure he got laid. I can't rule it out, I've known guys who did more and waited longer. But usually in those situations there was an extenuating circumstance, a reason they tried that hard.
I think it more likely that having sex fucked him up in the head too and now he's awkward. You need to talk together about what is going on. Be honest with him, tell him things feel different and tell him you want to talk to him about whatever is going on inside his head, and you want to share whats going on in yours. See what comes of the discussion.
If you can't get the discussion to happen, stop sleeping with him. I don't think you're anywhere near a breakup, but if he can't be adult about sex then you two aren't ready for it as a couple. The clothes don't come off until he's willing to talk about it.
A sidenote, don't blatantly state that talking is required for sex. Just tell him that it didn't feel right and you want to wait before you continue, and keep pressing for the conversation.
He'll either open up, or shut down and drift away.
If he drifts away, its time to end this.
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