|
is talking to the same person every day unhealthy?
so my boyfriend was telling one of my friends how if you text the same person (boyfriend or girlfriend) every day its unhealthy. i understand if you see them everyday And text everyday but we see each other only on the weekends cause we live 25 mins away from each other and he never texts me during the week..he knows i like to be texted but he never does it, i always have to text him and he usually takes forever to respond or doesnt at all. is it seriously unhealthy? i miss him alot by the end of the week and i wanna talk to him...what should i do?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If you want to text him, text him. Forget what other people say because they are not you and they don't know how you feel.
I don't think it's unhealthy, because you said you only see each other on weekends. You have to communicate with him somehow!
Bottom line: text him when you want. Just don't go crazy and text him every time you take a breath, ya know? ;)
-Laura (16-f)
]
I honestly do not think it's unhealthy, especially when in a long distance relationship. For the first 7 or 8 months of mine and my boyfriend's relationship, we were 2,000 miles away from each other. He was in California, and I was in New York. Text messaging, talking on the phone & IMing were our only ways of contact so we were texting everyday & calling everyday. I don't think it was unhealthy for us. It really helped us get to know each other and build our relationship. I now live with my boyfriend, and everything is fine for us.
Obviously people have different opinions, but I don't think it's unhealthy. I think talking first before the physical or anything else is better. It really helps put down the foundation for a good relationship.
As far as him not texting back though, that's kind of rude of him. I realize he might be busy, but you're his girlfriend. He should at least take some time out to talk back with you. If he honestly is like that to you though, either he isn't into you as much as you're into him, or he's lazy & doesn't feel like talking all the time. :( I hope this helps a little. Good luck!
]
EDIT IN RESPONSE TO FEEDBACK:
I am going to give you the simple direct answer I think you are actually looking for:
I agree with your boyfriend. Contact every day, or almost every day is not needed or healthy at your stage in the game. When you are living together, sure. When you are married, it’s kind of unavoidable. But when you are two teens with busy, happy lives, that degree of dependence on another person (and on technology!) should be avoided.
Sure it’s convenient! That is why it’s meaningless. Convenience can easily take the place of deliberate and careful communication. If you are too busy to communicate during the week in a deliberate thoughtful way, even to send an e-mail, then you two are just be too busy to stay in touch during the week. Period.
You are entitled to your own opinion of course, and the only thing you have left to do, if you have already decided that there is no other compromise that will work, is decide if you can happily date someone who has a different opinion then you on this topic.
---
My opinion is biased, and this is why:
Text messages are ludicrously impersonal.
I won’t call them unhealthy, that’s taking it a bit far, but they are certainly not the basis of good communication between couples.
I know it's nice to know someone is thinking about you and all, but frankly, I find texts a bit annoying. They can be useful for say, firming up plans, but they are absolutely NOT a way to 'talk to someone'. They can be intrusive, they are easy to misinterpret, and they seem to be the next step in completely removing any human connection from our interactions with others.
If you are feeling disconnected from your boyfriend during the week, I seriously suggest you find another way to stay connected besides texting. I'll bet you any amount of money if you discussed some other options with him, you'd get a good response, and probably one that would satisfy you more than a moment of leet speak on your cell.
If you tell him straight up that you are feeling disconnected, and open up to the idea that texts aren't a way to deal with that that he enjoys, suggest other things that might work. Ask him if you can talk to him on the phone for twenty minutes on Thursday nights, for example. Or better yet, write him an e-mail letter. Something a few paragraphs long to tell him about what you've been up to that week and asking him some questions about things you know he's being doing that week, or that have been on his mind. Asking questions is a good way to encourage response, but you can also let him know very clearly that you respect his feelings about texts, but that these other ways (phone calls/letters/e-mails) would help you feel more in touch with him over the week days. Let him know it’s important, but respect his timeline and preferences as well.
Your feelings are important, but your method for expressing them shouldn’t be. Wanting to stay in touch with your boyfriend is fine, but texts are a silly way to do it, and obviously not a mode of communication he enjoys. That is perfectly fair. Let him know how important it is to you to stay in touch during the week, and be open to some creative compromises about how that communication takes place.
]
More Questions: |