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Regaining my mothers trust
okay so today my grades from school came in. suuucked! you see, i usually get a's and maybe one or two b's. but this time i got some c's. so my mom was really really mad at me since i kept tellin her that i was doin good in school. also she asked me why i was so tired sometimes. so she ended up taking my phone away.
i had no time to erase any of my text messages. but i handed her the phone. not only did she read a lot of my text messages, she viewed who i was callin, who was callin me, and voice mail ppl had left me. i feel like i have no privacy at all. :(
anyway, after my mother had gone through all the spying, she came into my room and asked me all these questions. she asked me who carlos was. of course i knew that was my bf but i never told her i had a bf because i knew she wouldnt accept that. so i lied to her and said he's just my friend. but she caught me. she knew i was lieing. she told me she also knew why i was tired all the time. it was because of my late phone calls i had with my boyfriend. she said that i have no respect for her, all i do is lie, and that i have a dirty mouth. Also that she has no reason to believe anything i say to her anymore.
i feel horrible since i made her cry. i dont know what i am goin to do...what should i do??!
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Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
You're both wrong in this situation.
Your mother is making this too personal. She should be prepared for her kids to lie to her, EVERYONE lies to their parents.
Similarly, keep that in perspective yourself. Its part of growing up, and given her reaction its understandable that you'd hide what you hid. You really didn't fuck up that badly.
If you were my kid, I'd be pissed that you lied, but I also wouldn't have reacted with huge disbelief about the grades. I think its kind of fucked up that she seems less concerned about your grades than the lie.
Heres the trick to handling parents like yours.
Be as adult as humanly possible. Be calm, don't get angry or upset, and if you do ask to leave the room to compose yourself. Be honest and a bit blunt.
What I would say, in your situation.
"Mom, I'm sorry that I lied to you. I was afraid of your reaction to finding out I had a boyfriend. Its new territory, and I didn't know how you'd react, but from what I understand about the history of parents it wasn't going to be good.
I do respect you, and I do NOT lie to you constantly. I am sorry if you've lost trust in me, but I do NOT lie constantly to you.
I think you're right about the late phone calls affecting my grades, and I'm not going to stay up late like that anymore. My grades are important to me and I want to bring them back up. I hope you can forgive me and understand why I made the decision I did, however bad it was."
Then let her vent whatever she needs to.
Surprise her. Act like an adult, bring your grades back up, handle your relationship, and do so without her needing to tell you what or how to do it. It will open her eyes a little bit (hopefully).
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Dear Gaining Trust,
It is really hard to be a teenager now a days. Guess what it is no different from when I was growning up.
Accept that you lied to keep the truth from her.
Accept the fact that not only she has cried that you need to cry too. It's hurts her as much as it is hurting you right now.
As mothers always knows everything even when they don't say a word. And in her eyes that is all she sees is the dishonesty of her daughter.
Now to gain the respect back talk to her..Hold her hands and look into her eyes open up and be honest. Let her no why you lied. Let her know you will try your best to earn the respect back that once was taking away. and you will try your hardest to bring those grades up and yes you did get side track but all you can do is try at this point.
Yes, her words hurt you too its a lesson all of us come to past in our life time. So cheer up darling and put faith in yourself. Its going to be a tought road up ahead. Think positive and do whats right and both will get that respect that once lived in the hearts.
Real Talk
xoxoxox
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Your mother wants to raise you right! Thank God she cares so much!
The best way to to regain her trust is to be trustworthy...and that takes time. You'll have to prove to her you've turned a new leaf. Don't lie and cover up. I'm sure if your boyfriend lied to you and you found out, you'd have issues with it. So, put yourself in your mother's shoes and go to her and apologize. Make her aware that you understand why she is disappointed in you and your behavior and that you will not do that again.
You don't say how old you are. If you're old enough to date, in your mothers eyes, then tell her you want to be able to tell her you like a boy, but you are afraid she won't accept it. Tell her that's why you lied, but you did feel guilty because you don't like to lie to her. Regardless, tell her it won't happen again.
With all you tell her, you must back it up with action. Actions speak louder than words. Most importantly, you and your mother love each other. She only wants what's best for you.
You can live without your phone. Besides, if it's true you're up all night talking and your grades are suffering because of it, you can hardly blame her. Give it time and prove your worthy of her trust again. She'll give it back. Just do the right thing.
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