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It's more then just a difference of opinion now...
My younger sister (22) and I (24) have always been pretty different and disagreed on many things. She is an extremely devote catholic (she intends on becoming a nun) and I’m really, just not. For the past few years we always just agreed to disagree and to not talk too much about things we know will only upset us both and disrupt family gatherings. This really works as far as I’m concerned: I don’t need to argue with her and I’m okay with disagreeing with her.
The trouble is lately she’s gotten downright belligerent about it. She sent out an e-mail to a whole bunch of people that included a lot of ‘facts’ about intelligent design and young earth (basically, she said evolution was nonsense and that the world is only 6,000 years old ‘cause the bible says so). I sent her (just her, not her whole list) some links that dispute that and point out some of the problems with the evidence she said she had of the world only being that old. Some of the stuff she included was just untrue, and I thought she should know it. In the past she’s always been pretty reasonable and we could have these sorts of conversations, even though we both know we disagree!
In response, she e-mailed everyone in my family telling them that I am going to hell, that I’ve rejected God, and that they should force me to move in with other more faithful family members because I can’t take care of myself and that I might do drugs or other awful things if someone doesn't stop me... and I could kill her! Not only is that bullshit! That was really painful for my parents, and grandparents and aunts and uncles to read! Some of them are religious and some aren’t, but it was still frightening and hateful and upset them! My littlest sister was in tears about it and asking everyone why she hates me.
I’m really livid! I don’t even know what to do with this much anger. I haven’t responded to her, although apparently my mom had a talk with her and told her that that was not cool, but I’m kind of at the point where I never want to speak to her ever again! I just think she’s a nasty, stupid, little monster for doing that.
Does anyone have any advice on what I can do about this and how to approach it? I just want things to be okay for my family. I don’t need us to all agree, I just need a bit of respect. Obviously I’m never going to try and talk sense to my sister again, but what do I do now?
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It's unfortunate that you and your sister are having this falling-out. I feel for you. It's also unfortunate that your devout sister is departing from Catholic doctrine and listening to heretics and heresiarchs. The Church's position on evolution is that science is completely neutral on the religious implications of scientific results, and that Intelligent Design limits and belittles God.([Link](Mouse over link to see full location)) ID has its origins in Pentecostal and evangelical churches, which are, strictly speaking, heretical in that they deny the authority of the Pontiff and most other elements of Catholic doctrine. Then of course there's St. Augustine's quote on not letting faith blind you to reality. ([Link](Mouse over link to see full location))
In your position, I'd contact your other family members and make sure that they understand that this was fallount from a dispute between you and your sister. With your sister, I'd refer her back to the links I gave you, and make it absolutely clear that your salvation and faith are between yourself and God, and it is not her responsibility to 'save' you. Then refuse to discuss religion with her. Change the topic any time she brings it up. Eventually she'll get the hint.
Best of luck, and I hope this helps.
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I know how you feel... Half of my family is uber religious, while the other half just wants to live and let live. For example, right now I'm living with my Aunt and Uncle... Sometimes my Aunt will want to share something with me that she's learned in her Bible study class... And I sort of just have to bite my tongue and try not to flinch.
When it comes to people and their belief system... There are people willing to be open-minded, people willing to agree to disagree, and... Let's just say 'the rest.' Take this incident as a sign that the time when the two of you could agree to disagree has come to an end, though that end may only be temporary. The next time she says something, no matter how ignorant or misinformed, Bite. Your. Tongue. I know that sometimes the urge to educate someone is nearly unbearable... But she won't listen and the situation might turn ugly again.
If I were you... I would try to talk to her... But I would leave religion out of it. I might say something like, 'If you're worried about me, I would appreciate your discussing those worries with me. Broadcasting such an opinion to the entire family will just upset me, as well as many of our family members.' Talk about why you're upset and how she made you feel when she sent that email. Leave religion and nasty names out of the mix. I know that's really difficult, especially when you're angry. Maybe you should give yourself some time to calm down before you attempt that conversation.
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I think the best way to handle this is for you to calm down and basically turn your sisters belief back on her. Beat her at her own game so to speak.
Remember if she wants to be a nun then she must believe what the Bible says. To start with the Bible says "Judge not lest ye be judged". This means the only one that can judge your actions is God (not her). Keep in mind these are HER beliefs from her own Bible.
Also don't return her hatred and meanness WITH hatred and meanness. Return your rebutle with love. This will show all onlookers who has the "Godly" attitude and who does not.
You also may want to read up on the Roman Catholic church. The Catholic church has changed original Christianity so much that I doubt Jesus would recognize it! Google "the problem with Catholisism".....if you confront her I'm sure it will increase her anger, but again the Bible says "Prove all things"
Most people go through spiritual phases in thier life. Remind her of the parable of the prodigle son. If she doesn't remember it then she should read it. For her to be truely Godly is for her to show you kindness and consideration and hope for your return to faith. As the old saying goes, "You atract more flies with honey than with vinegar" True Christians follow the ways of Jesus. I suggest she start.
GL TheMaster
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Relgion is always a controversial issue and has been known the seperate the closest of families. I am glad that you standing your ground and not giving in to your sister. She has her right to her beliefs, but you also do! It was completely immature and inappropraiate for her to send an email like that to everyone in your family. Completely out of line. You were fine for responding to her with links and your own opinion.
You really need to speak with your sister though, face to face. You're both older and in your 20s, so the conversation should be mature. Let it be known that you have the right to your opinion and she has the right to hers, but not to involve family in your dispute. The argument is between the two of you, and it always has been, and to bring in the rest of the family is unfair. Your family should not have to pick sides. Say you were hurt by all the things she said (about you going to hell, etc) and didn't feel that was right. Let her know you would never talk to her that way or make her feel bad.
If you don't talk to your sister, none of this will be resolved. It's also a good idea to get some input and advice from family members of how to handle it all (without having them feel like they're in the middle) Good luck!
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