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Serious answeres only please!
Ok im 18 and i have been with my boyfriend for 4 months now.In the begginning things were so great, he was everything i could ever ask for. He told me he loved me, and its not a word he just throws around, and he talked about wanting to get a place with me blah blah, perfectness.Then he got laid off his job and had to move back with his parents. Things have changed drastically, he is always so stressed out and mad. he cant get a job (we live in a small town) and he doesn't care about ANYTGING anymore. i have been so unhappy for like a month now,crying so much. he doesn't say i love you, he said he doesn't want to be in a serious relationship that he's not ready for that again(he was with his ex for 3 years, they broke up like a year ago) that he just wants to take it day by day. and also he possibly wants to move to utah...without me to live with his best friend because ha has nothing going for him out here! I am so scared of losing him, because i truley care about him so much and he does care about me too. i am trying so hard to make this work, and he is putting in no effort! i honestly dont now what to do? i cant just back away from it.Because he does want to be with me. i need advice!
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k so i while i was reading, i kept remembering a previous relationship i was in.. one where things seemed perfect in the beginning.. then one thing after another happened and suddenly things weren't so perfect anymore.
honestly the way he's acting right now is inexcusable. whether or not life is hard, he needs to realize he cant take it all out on you. i know you say he cares about you, and I'm sure he does.. but nothing he's doing right now is showing it. his behavior screams that he's not ready for a serious relationship, or any kind for that matter.
even though leaving the relationship seems like the hardest thing to, i honestly believe it would be best. because you deserve more than to sit around with a bitchy bf, who out right tells you he's not sure he even wants to live where you are anymore. you have to ask yourself if you really want to cry every night, wonder what he's going to do, wonder if he still loves you..etc..
his behaivor is all signs that he doesn't know what he wants. and you cant be in a healthy relationship if all he's doing is coasting.
lastly, you need to wake him up a little. right now he knows your not going anywhere, so he's basically doing and saying whatever he pleases knowing that he basically has you, and you'll never just walk away. trust me as soon as you show him your not afraid of losing him, HE'LL start to be scared of losing YOU. ... hope this helps. good luck!!! stay STRONG!
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I understand that you do not want to let go, but the effort and care needs to come from both sides. It will not work if you are the only one who wants it to, it really takes two.
It sounds like he has been going through a rough time and needs to figure things, and himself, out. You should have a serious discussion with him and be honest with how you feel about all of this. Get your time to talk and then listen to what he has to say. If he is willing to compromise and try to work on this, then good. But be careful, his actions say a lot.
If he still wants to leave and does not want to continue this, no matter how hard it is, you have to respect that and try to move on. It would not be fair for either of you to force anything on the other person when that is not what is best.
Believe me, things will get better one way or another. Just don't stay in something that will turn out destructive.
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Just_Ask_Me could have a point, but what i think you should do [which wouldn't be quite so drastic] is to just back off a little. he hasn't come right out and SAID he doesn't want to be with you right now or he wants to break up, correct? he sounds like he's just really really stressed out, and given the circumstances that's completely understandable. i just dont think he's handling the stress well so he's freaking out. back off, give him his own time. dont call as much, dont see him as much, etc. if you break up with him, he'll just have the added stress of losing you. tell him that you love him and will be there for him at ANY time that he needs you you're only a phone call away, and then back out of his life and let him get sorted out. i know you're upset, that's natural, but you being unhappy is adding to his unhappiness as well, even if he doesn't say it. dont kill yourself trying. he told you he's taking things day by day, so you do the same. good luck!
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I know men, and when a guy says he doesn't want to be with you, he doesn't. There's no beating around the bush here, or secret hidden signals or agendas. I don't know how many times I've read "He's Just Not That Into You" and it's saved me a world of pain and mistakes. You might rate me low because I'm not saying the most sweetest answer or what you wanted to hear, I'm just honest. That's what you want, right? You have to let him go. If he wants to be with you, he will and he'll put in the effort. But right now, his answer is no and you need to let him deal with everything. Maybe when he gets his head together and figures stuff out, he'll come around again and things will be better. Who knows? It could happen. At this point, with what you have said, he needs to be left alone and you can't make him stay here or make him stay with you. You've just gotta be strong.
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