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Is it because of gender that my friendship is dying?
14/f
I've been friends with this boy since I was in kindergarten and we were really best friends all the way up to 6th grade. Last year, naturally, we weren't as close but we remained good friends. Now, I understand that because I’m a girl he doesn't feel completely comfortable being "best" friends like in kindergarten due to horny 14 yr old boy issues, but I still believe we can be friends. He's into this blond (the hottest girl in school) and has ditched me to spend time with her. He knows he's not going to date her; he just hangs around her because she's hot. He knows she's a (in his own words) "a dumbass". She's also unpleasant and arrogant. Not to mention slightly narcissistic. So anyway, he’s ditched me. He doesn’t talk to me. He doesn’t even look at me when I say “hi”. He’s made me almost non-existent. I can understand him not wanting to spend time with another girl and ditching her for “the blond” but what about a friend? He barely ever even considered me a girl before anyway. He always thought I was a lesbo, and a total guy. (Ugh, I’m not getting to the point.) So here’s the question. He didn’t ditch his guy friends for the blond but he ditches me. I’m hurt and miss him. Why did he ditch me and not any of his other friends? Is it because I’m a girl? I can’t think of any other reason and I know for a fact it’s not because he’s tired of me as a friend. During our school trip to Monterey, he sat next to me constantly for hours on the bus, on the plane, during meals, ect. We talked, laughed, flirted, ect. For hours! So why does he choose to ditch me? I really don’t understand and feel very hurt by being pushed aside.
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Hey!
I think I can explain this.
Are your friend's friends into this "blonde" girl too? If they are, then it's probably not you that is running your friend away. And it's not because you are a girl.
Friends are a big part of everyone's life, and if too many of your buddy's friends dissaprove of you and approve of the blonde, then he of course whould turn away from you and to the other girl so that his friends will accept him more.
I honestly don't think that he doesn't care about you anymore, it's just that he wants to keep climbing the social ladder, even if it means leaving a part of an old friendship behind.
So what do you do? I think you should follow his lead. You need to keep making girlfriends and start flirting with other guys. Then he will see that you are acceptable and so will his friends. Then, they won't care if he is hanging out with you, because you are fun to be around.
That's probably the only way to get things back. Just find a few really nice popular girls (yes they are hard to find) and talk to them until you get on their nerves. Find some cute guys to flirt with, and sooner than you know it, your friend will come back.
Or, you could sit back and wonder why he isn't talking to you and you could sulk.
Hope I helped!
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Hey,
I'm shocked at how close of a situation this is to my own. I am absolutely serious - we weren't friends past 5th grade. BFFz, ignores me now. Only difference is that he told me he liked me (back then) and we never had the chance to talk, flirt, etc...in the present. Enough about me. Just saying, I seriously know what your talking about. To be brutally honest, it may be because you don't fit his current "image". His friends may disapprove of you and they may have told him to ditch you. He may be afraid that if he hangs out with you, then this "blond" will think he likes you and get all 14 year old girl on him. (I am the same exact age btw) I can't generate anymore theories...probably because the situation basically is my own. If you want to talk more, I'd be glad to! Just message me. :)
-WiseRose
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Hey.
Well what he's doing is honestly kind of stupid and unnecessary. I would be hurt too if I were you. But you should also know that you are better than this. I'm sure you have other friends, possibly girls, that you can hang out with. If he wants to keep hanging out with that other girl and with his guy friends, then all the best to him. I know it's not easy to be given the cold shoulder like that, because I myself have been in a similar situation. I tried to keep being that person's friend, but they weren't putting in any effort. So, what I would do is simply let him live his life. He will most likely come to you eventually. So, in the meantime, try not to give it too much thought, because it'll just make you miserable. Try to make the best of this and not let it bring you down. Middle and high school is a time when people are confused and all over the place. A lot of us don't even know what we want. So just give him time to figure it out on his own. Good luck.
<3
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