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I think It's about time to ask for help
hello. im 16 years old, turning 17 after 1 month and couple of days and a female.
well if you wonder what i look like, you would notice my piercings, um black hair , dark brown eyes, almost pale skin, tall enough.
well i hate something called depression, i\'m always happy but not really from inside, i want people to help me out and tell me i\'m fine and i\'m not going to go insane well i know that part i mean i\'ll never think of suicide or something that\'s stupid no! i need to solve my problems
well first of all i tried liking my sister, i tried convincing myself that i just don\'t like her now because she is being a bitch but i lover her because she is my sister , but the truth is i can\'t just lie to myself so for the first time i\'m going to admit, i thought of murder before , i\'m not some psycho person who is gonna murder someone no i just thought of murder before and i thought of murdering my sister and that i would feel so good about it.
i have two insane parents who made me to choice between them and if i choice one of them i cant speak to the other , i choice my mom because i can drink and smoke at home, i actually love them both but i hate them also the same level both, so i dont like my mom more than my dad or something no! but my mom gives me freedom more than dad
well common factors between them is
both alcoholics , i dont care i have drinking problems myself which i\'m gonna discuss
both got caught with rolled cigs in there cig packs i wasnt shocked at all honestly just pretended to be
i live in a house, ughh i cnt even know where to start, i bet if you come over you might go deaf , you know i wish one day would pass peaceful, the o nly days that would pass p eaceful is the days i would sleep all morning of a sleeping pill
i love my brother well i loved my brother until i got to know him and i found out he is a total asshole , he is my half brother btw (mom got married three times and dad two times) active people haa??
ookay next to m y feelings and problems enough with my parents problems thats getting to me
on christmas i went to a party , i had too many drinks like all the time , i made out with a very close friend of mine and we dont speak anymore
on new years after midnight i was one year single cuz my boyfriend dumped me after midnight exactly , i was drunk and he called me, we made out in his car and i gave him a blow job (first time ever to give a blow job or see a real dick before)
on jan 8 my friend\'s birthday, whom i made out with in his bathroom , and gave him three lovebites o n his stomach but
before that (you know when u get drunk and you happen to tell someone , something that is bothering you well, it happened with me but with the wrong bitch) i told this gurl what i did with ma ex because i felt guilty and she told everyone , when i was making out with the guy in the bathroom, he asked me to give him a blowjob , well me being stupid thought he was just asking but then i got it, after i found out everyone is been talking (didnt give him the blowjob because he is an asshole )
after the party , my bestfrined wasnt speak to me from new years event , and i totally broke in tears infront of him, (drunkkkkk btw i never cry infront of people or i never cry ever) and i punched the wall that made my little finger bone go above the other one , and the operation is gonna cost my mom 3000$
i lost my ipod, 50$, make up bag and my friend\'s phone (the make up bag and 50 $ dont matter but i lost them ) i dont remember how and when?
i always say i\'ll stop but next day i drink
im drinking everyday, i got a d- on my math exam because i had a hang over and for sure the night before i didnt study
on nov 21 i said \"i\'ll stop weed\" i did but on new years and jan 8 and 2 , i smoked up
i cant get professional help because my mom thinks its totally fine, its a teenage time and laughs about it , she thinks its normal
please anyone tell me something useful, ive been helping alot of people on this website but i cant help my own
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I dont believe in medication. You just have to work on yourself thats all. Also your body is still changing. You should do the things that make you happy. I have gone through this myself and still do. I enjoy taking picture with my camera and watching silly chipmunks and birds. I think you have to challenge yourself with something, do something you thought you would never do or think you could never possibly do. i think you are just bored of the same old same, so get out there and do something new.
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First, you should give yourself a huge pat on the back for making it this far with parents who use you as a pawn in their hateful games. I'm sure that the separation and making you decide between them was just one more thing in a long line of drama that has probably been going on since before you can remember.
1. You are perfectly sane, and much stronger than you give yourself credit for. It seems as if almost every day you are faced with some sort of a struggle, so you wouldn't be normal if you weren't depressed. In fact, you are more than sane, you are a damn survivor, girl.
2. Every person has thought about murdering someone else before in their lives, or at the very least, sincerely wish that someone they hate would just drop dead. Another bit of proof you are totally sane.
3. The friend you made out with on Christmas, I don't know if it was a he or a she, but if you want to still be friends with this person, you should imagine that they are feeling exactly the same way you are, which is confused. A kiss is important, but it's not something life-changing. You don't know if this person has stopped talking to you because they really have feelings for you and they don't know what to do, or if they think you don't want to talk to them, or any number of things. If you think it's worth the effort, just open up the lines of communication, express how you feel about things, and see what they have to say. The worse that can happen is you will not talk, anymore, which is what is going on now, so you have nothing to lose.
4. Don't beat yourself up about your ex and what happened. It sounds as if you have had a lot of feelings for him for a really long time, so you decided to take things to the next level. It seems like the worst part of the whole thing is the friend that you trusted went around telling your business. What goes around, comes around, and maybe it doesn't happen right away, but now everyone may know about your private business, but they also know not to trust this person. One day it will definately happen to them. Besides, it might be embarrassing to you, but I'll be willing to bet people aren't judging you too harshly about it because you and your ex have a history together.
5. Good for you for getting through one of the first tests of a reputation with flying colors! This guy in the bathroom gave it a shot because he heard a rumor about you, and you showed that you have the self-respect to be strong. If anything, that whole situation was good for you, because you just proved that you are not the kind of girl who is going to settle for anything less than true feelings when it comes to sex. You proved to that guy, and everyone who knows what happened that you cared about your ex, which is why you did what you did.
6. If you apply for free care at the local hospital there is a very good chance you will get the operation for free.
Now... As far as the drinking and the weed...If both of your parents have addiction problems there is a good chance that you are genetically predisposed to having a problem, yourself. Both of these drugs are depressants, which you need like you need another hole in the head. It is unreasonable for me to tell you to just stop, because it is a lot harder than that, and you have already told yourself this, anyways. Your mom is wrong, normal teenagers don't drink everyday, and I hope that if you can't stop you will get help to stop. Yo don't seem as out of control with the weed, but please, talk to someone, even a school counselor, about the drinking. You don't have to commit to stopping if you don't really want to, but just talk to someone. And besides, you aren't exactly the best decision-maker when under the influence, but then again, nobody is. It seems like you are at a real turning point in your life, right now. you feel let down by your family, so you are searching around for your love and acceptance in other places. Just remember, the people who really love you are those who are gonna tell you those hard things you don't want to hear because they can't sit back and watch you screw up. If you are mad at your brother because he gave you crap about some of the decisions you have been making lately, you need to try to work it out. If your best friend is angry with you because he doesn't want to see you doing things to hurt yourself, you need to work it out with him, too. I will be sending you lots of good wishes.
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I'm really sorry it seems like you're having a really rough time right now, and your parents and family aren't much of a support system. It's a big step that you've even asked advice on something like this because it means you see the kind of life your parents have lived and you want better for yourself.
I've never been in a situation like yours, but I can tell you that maybe you need to find somewhere else to stay. I know you say your dad would be more strict on you, but maybe that's what you need. You say you've tried to stay away from alcohol and smoking but you always end up drinking everyday anyways. Would your dad let you do these things? If he wouldn't let you, you should consider staying wiht him. Maybe he'd be harder on you, but if you don't get out of the lifestyle you're in, you'll be like them. I'm not trying to make you feel worse, but I think if you got away from these bad things and they weren't made so openly available to you, then you'd be better.
I know this sounds so not fun, because I did this, and I didn't love it. But one thing you could do is to get a job to get you out of the house and make you more dependent. You said your house is loud and you have to take pills to keep you asleep and instead of being at home around alcohol and the chaos, you could gain some responsibility and be making your own money. Then when you got off work you could come home and do your work and you wouldn't have excess time to think about drinking. I think it's safe to say that your parents have their own problems, problems in which you've just stated you don't want to have yourself, so you have to make mature, smart choices and pull yourself out of the hole. Just because you don't have the best homelife, doesn't mean you can't get through it and make something of yourself. This includes working harder in school, bc if you get away from the drinking, then you will be able to focus more on your school work, and that gets your into college, that's the most important thing in your life right now.
And the friends thing. You know that if your parents are alcoholics, then you're susceptible to being one too in the future. I suggest that no matter how cool those parties are that everyone's going to that you skip out on them until you get settled with your life, because you dont' wnat to do things you regret. Giving blowjobs and having sex and making out with guys when you're drunk is not how you want it to happen I'm sure. I feel sure that if you keep yourself occupied and away from the bad things in your life that you can concentrate on the more positive things, and you could probably keep up with important things such as your ipod and your friend's phone.
For whatever reason's your friends aren't talking to you, you should try to talk it through with them. Your best friends are all that matters. As long as you know what kind of person you are and get them on your side, you don't need anything else. So many times high school is all about acceptance and I think what they don't realize is that when you go to college you aren't defined by high school anymore. You're with a whole new set of people and what nickname you had in school or whatever no longer matters. Be strong, and don't murder your sister. When she acts like a bitch just remember that you're not her, and you don't have to be like her. You can be the better sister to her and the better person.
Hang in there. And if you need anyone to talk to, send me a message. :)
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wow, im 14 and i know i may look stupid trying to help you cause im younger...i have blonde hair, blue eyes and im very pale..i sometimes do weed too but im not hooked and i rarley drink...if you feel alone in any way..YOU ARENT..i know plenty of people throughout my town that are hooked on drinking and drugs. im a little too young to really understand what your feeling and i know your on this website for advice...but you arent alone and the most i can do is pray for you
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