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family issues....all my life
well to start out my mom is an alcoholic...she benge drinks..meaning she'll go on a month spurt of where all she does is lay in bed and drink. this has hasppened for my whole life..i can't remember a time when it wasnt going on. She is also bipolar..drinking is a symptom of this disease but they diagnosed her seperatly. well my whole also she has kind of isolated me from the world..wanting me to spend all my time with her. I didnt all the time but she made me spend mosto f my childhood with her. i am now 16. she still does this. we have been fighting so hard and i cant even tell her when i have a bf. no matter anyway if i did because she wouldnt let me see him. I have no life partly because of her. We have sat down and had numerous talks and deicusions but ir always goes back to normal. i told her that whe needs to get friends but all she says is that i am her everything and thats how she wants it. I DONT want to be all she has for many reasons. 1. im going to leave and move FAR away...so where is that ging to leave her? and 2.i need a life. I stay in my room most of the time because all she does is yell and scream and call me names...yet she wants me to spend time with her nearly 24/7. I awm so low all the time because of everytning she says to me. I ahve told her awnd talked to her about that 2. she apologizes and its ok for a few days and then it goes right back to it. She takes away all my things whenever i dont do something she asks...or even if i bring home nething lower than a b+ (yes that means ANYTHING lower) im not exagerating one bit. this is what i live with everyday and im so tired of it. i want a normal life. my point is Talking does nothing we have sat down and tried...its like it goes in one ear and out the other with her. i need a way out but i dont know what to do
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Oh! I'm very sorry to hear that. I don't know where you live because I would like to know the laws at your country and your rights as an underage child which lives with an alcoholic adult which is classified as her mother.
I can give you several advices
1. Since you tried talking and It didn't work. Then you only have one thing left to do and It's action, If your mother is drinking grab the drink , and drink it. My point is give your mother her own medicin.
2. If you don't care about your mother's feeling at all, then yo can do something LIKE. Push your mother, be violent with her until she loose it and then tell the police
3. You took your mother's shit for 16 years didn't you?? so you can wait for another year.
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When you are 17, you can move out. Find a friend or me place that can help you and get a job to give them some money.
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You just got your way out.
Mom
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You probably already know this, but alanon is a group for people who have addicts in their lives. I have never been, but it can be helpful. Also, you have got to get some scheduled activities. Find something to do after school like a sport or whatever. This will get you out of the house and give you something else to concentrate on. Don't take your mother's drinking personally. All of the love in the world can't change a thing unless she wants to, and quitting something you're addicted to is really really hard. You should stop expecting things to change because whenever she apologizes and goes through a good spell you are getting your hopes up only to get hurt again. You don't need that roller coaster. The next time she apologizes for her bad behavior tell her that if she was truly sorry she wouldn't keep doing it. Tell her that you love her, but if she doesn't get treatment you plan on moving far far away. You might even want to look into some sort of a treatment program for her. I don't know if you maybe have family or someone you could stay with for a month, but you might have to put your foot down and tell her that if she doesn't go to get treatment you are outta there. I know that you feel as if you have to be there to take care of her, but you really don't. She is going to have to go through the pain herself, she doesn't need to drag you with her. She is probably on some sort of medication for her bipolar illness, which works really badly or not at all when mixed with alcohol, so it is almost as if she's not on any medication at all. You might have to practice some tough love. In your mind, imagine what you would be doing if it was your child who was in your mother's situation. Maybe you have to be the "parent" for a moment and make your mother consider a program. They say that addiction is a disease, and that people aren't responsable for their actions, but don't fall for that crap. Your mom needs to know that you have high expectations for her, and one day you are going to have children who are not going to be able to be a part of her life if she keeps this up. Keep reminding her that you love her, but don't allow yourself to be dragged down and hurt. She relies on you to bring her the joy in her life, except you can't be the be all and end all of her world. It is too much to ask of anyone. Don't allow her to make you feel guilty by crying or getting the "poor me's" when you talk to her. Be firm, and when she comes up with some sob story give her one of yours right back. Be firm, and if all else fails move on. Tell her that you respect her because she is your mom, but if she doesn't at least try to make a change you are going to have to back off from her. Don't forget about finding productive things to do with your time.
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Lmao, I'm posting this as an answer to whoever commented on my post to this question. This is not directed to the daughter.
First of all, do you deny any of the above mentioned things your daughter has said about you? Do you realize what kind of life you're leading her through? She's a teenager, she's just a kid. She's seeing her mother binge drink and in all types of situations that are unneccessary to be put through at that age. By the sounds of it, she's depressed. Do you think this just RANDOMLY happened? Don't be so ignorant. Just because you're older doesn't mean you know everything in life. Alas, I don't know what your family has been through, but that has no reference to your daughter's well-being. Does she look/sound happy? Do you ever really look her in the eyes and ask if SHE'S happy instead of only thinking about yourself?
Do you even let her have friends over or let her go out? Do you realize what you're doing is going to have a permanent affect on this girl? And no, I'm sorry, I'm no doctor. But I am getting my masters in mental health counseling, and hopefully a PhD pretty soon. So I think I know a thing or two :)
Stop drinking. Stop choking her. Stop haranguing her for getting a lower grade than a B+ (working with her helps best). Stop and just listen to her words. You obviously don't know what's best for her by the sounds of it.
There's a reason she wants to get away as soon as she can. And if you are what she says you are, then it'll be healthier for her. Do what's best for your daughter. Jesus.
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