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Want to go to home country without boyfriend
will try and be as brief as possible.
OK so I have been with my BF now (we're gay) for 2 years nearly and we live together in Sydney, Australia. I emmigrated from London in 2002 and since then I have not been back to see friends or family. This year (in June) I am desperate to go back for 3-4 weeks as a reunion and also to meet my cousin who I have never met.
The problem is I want to do this trip on my own for these reasons:
1) I will be staying with family/friends and it wont be possible for us both to stay (not many old people are really happy about 2 guys sharing a bed etc)
2) I am short on funds, in that I can really only afford the flight, some spending money, but I certainly couldnt afford to stay in hotels for 3-4 weeks.
3) I will be going round to friends i havent seen, some in 10 years or more, and we will be discussing things/people/teachers/events that he would have no idea about - it would be v boring for him.
4) As its my 1st trip back in 7 years, i kinda wanna be selfish - i dont wanna be constantly worrying about what he also might want to do. The time is limited and it probably wont happen for a long time and so I really just want to do what I want to do.
5) We tend to argue a lot during normal day to day life - travelling overseas with someone can be stressful and I dont wanna have to deal with arguments with someone constantly while on holiday.
The thing is that he REALLY really wants to go... he said he wants to see my heritage, the people/places i grew up with etc etc. He said that we could stay in hotels but first of all I WANT to stay with my family and also i dont really think he has the money to cover all of that, even though he said he does. This has caused massive fights and neither one of us are able to back down.
I think the main reason he wants to go is that he is quite insecure and couldnt handle not knowing where i was or who i was with or what i was doing. Also there is a bit of envy involved maybe.
Does anyone have any advice on how I could handle this situation?
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1. You have given him undivided attention for an awful long time now, and the point of this trip is to spen some time with your family, not introduce him around. The only thing that you can do is to recognize that he has a right to feel a little jealous, but draw the line and enjoy your time. He is being selfish in feeling as if this trip is about him getting to know your heritage, etc. It is about you reconnecting with your family. If he really wants to go and learn about your life, you can do that together at some other point when it isn't about you and your family. Many people want to have their parter all to themselves, and he has enjoyed the luxury for a long time now. Do not feel guilty, or allow him to call five hundred times a day while you are visiting your family. These are memories that you will treasure for the rest of your life, and your boyfriend should be excited for you.
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Ok well I understand where your coming from. I personally would just let him know that since you haven't been to see your family in many years that the first trip back you would like to go by yourself, let him know that once you guys have more money that you can go together. If he really cares about you he should understand that you would like to visit your family alone for the first time in many years. If your family doesn't know that you are with him, explain to him that you need to see how they handle the relationship first before bringing him, if they know and understand, then maybe tell them its not something they are real comfortable with and need some time to get used to. I would let him know what you said in here about spending time with them and not having to worry about what he wants to do. This trip is for you to get back in touch with people you haven't seen in a long time, not to see the sites. Im sure if you explain to your boyfriend that thats all you want to do, and that you can go back with him another time he will understand. Bottom line is if this is something you want to do alone then he needs to respect that, but if you offer another trip it might make things a little easier for you this one. Good luck, hope it helps. If you need anything else let me know.
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well make sure you first say in a polite and calm manner all of the reasons you just told me and you elaborate on each of them. make sure he knows that you love him you just need to go by yourself this time but you can take a trip with him somewhere else when you get back if he still wants to.
also, tell him that if he's worried about you cheating on him while you are away, that he has nothing to worry about because that's not why you are going and that you love him and would never do anything like that. tell him that yall can't be together if you two don't trust each other, so he needs to trust you.
tell him firmly but calmly that you are going by yourself and that it is not his decision to make, but still be nice and let him know how much you love him and will miss him.
good lucky i hope i helped! =)
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