|
My brother is a loser and I need advice!
I'm a single mother of two kids, working full-time and going to college part-time. Through the years since I've been divorced, my little brother moved in with me to help me out. My parents bought a house and rent it to us. We split the rent and all bills evenly.
In September of this year, my brother lost his job. Since the economy is so bad, he's had a really hard time finding work, and takes whatever job he can to make extra cash, but can't seem to find a full-time job. So, for the past 4 months, I've been paying all of his bills, except for rent. He's racked up about $800 that he owes me. And I'll probably never see a dime of that.
He helps out sometimes, by watching my kids for me while I run to the store. And just the other day he fixed a water leak in our house. But for the most part, he sleeps, eats my food, watches cable tv that I pay for and plays video games. He was promised a job by my boss, but construction is slow right now and they don't need him. So instead of seeking other employment, he stays at home waiting for work. He's getting unemployment money, but I haven't seen any of it. Instead, I see him buying beer and cigarettes.
When I talk to my parents about him, they seem to think that I should just deal with it. But this is driving me absolutely CRAZY! I couldn't get my kids much for Christmas. I can't even buy myself a new pair of shoes because my kids need some and I can't even afford that.
I was told by my parents that if I kick him out, they will make me pay the entire amount of rent, which I can't afford. I'm so confused about what to do. Should I just deal with this?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
first off pull on the big girl undies and dont go to mom and dad they shouldnt have to help you decide things he does for you like with the kids and that leak deduct it off what he owes you or things that need fixed deduct it off so that way he actually pays for hisself plus dont be a hardass about a job its not like he can race right out and find a job in this lovely recession or make him get a job at a fast food place
]
If your parents are expecting you to deal with your brother, why don't they? They should put their money where their mouths are and give a little on the rent. It is easy for them to act like your somehow wrong or greedy while they are demanding the entire rent from you. Ask them why they are expecting you to handout when they aren't willing to, themselves. If they aren't willing to go down on the rent try to work something out with your brother. Maybe he should be babysitting for you on some sort of a set schedule so you don't feel so bogus about him taking advantage. Also, the economy really is in a bad state and it is difficult to get a job. He is probably thinking that he will use the unemployment until it runs out because if he got a job at McDonald's he would be getting less than if he did nothing. Either way, it doesn't matter how small the unemployment check is, he should be able to give you some set amount of money every week, even if it's only $50. Have him go grocery shopping once so he can appreciate that all of the food going into his belly didn't come for free.
]
It sounds like your brother is getting depressed with it being so hard to find a job. You should talk to him your self ask him to try a little harder. try not to argue about it though.
]
Yes, you should deal with this, but its okay to set some boundaries as well.
If you were living in your own home (or a place you rented normally) I would say fuck it, kick him out. But you aren't. You are getting a sweet deal from your parents, and if part of that sweet deal is dealing with him, then you either have to move out of the home they own, or deal with living with him.
But here are some things you CAN do:
Cancel the cable.
I'm serious. Maybe you feel you can't live without it, but canceling the cable might be a good way to A.) Afford some shoes next month and B.) Point out to your parents and brother that your kids need shoes and that the little weasel is draining you dry!
Stop loaning him money.
This should be an obvious, but if you haven't done it yet, STOP. Without apology, simply say NO. If your brother is desperate, tell him to ask your parents. Obviously, the hydro bill can't NOT be paid, so ask for the money for his half all the same, and ask firmly for it. If he doesn't have it, suggest he look for someone to loan it from, because BigSister bank is closed, you simply have nothing else to lend.
Where possible, stop buying food he likes.
I think you'll probably get in trouble with your parents if you start labeling food as off limits to him, however, if there is something only he eats, scratch it the hell of your list.
Give him a shopping list, but no money.
If he isn’t even damn working, clearly he can run a simply errand for you! Don’t have him watch your kids, YOU enjoy some quality time with them and send HIM to the store. Give him a very small shopping list, two or three items, and tell him you need them picked up for the house because you are very busy. Make them communal things, and be nice about it. If you need too, point out that clearly he could go without two or three beers to purchase toilet paper and peanut butter and remind him that a small contribution like this is the kind of thing any roommate or housemate would fairly expect.
This isn’t about punishing him. You have no right to punish him. You can’t stop your parents from giving him a free ride, all you can do is make sure you aren’t making his life easier then ought to be.
Once he does have work, talk to him about a repayment plan for the $800 he owes. You can start warning him now that you will expect him to start dealing with his dept once he has an income again.
]
More Questions: |