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value of Christmas or birthday gifts


Question Posted Friday December 26 2008, 8:57 am

My wife and I got nice gifts for christmas from out son. My wife quickley went on line and looked up the dollar value of the 2 gifts, she is now mad because her gift costs $220.00 and mine was $395.00.
I feel this is not right and she should not compare gift costs. It's the thought that counts etc. My wife thinks gifts to us should always be equal value.She now wants to give hers back.

what do you think?

JT


[ Answer this question ]

Additional info, added Saturday December 27 2008, 10:34 am:
I would like to add some information. First of all, you people don't even know me (his wife). I raised his son (my step-son) since he was five years old. The perfume was $122.00, not $220. This is always ongoing with gifts with his son. Every occasion he buys me (mother's day) a $40.00 bunch of flowers and his father a $3-400 camera. There is always a considerable difference. I have with my own money supported this child to be fair and show equality. His real mother went to prison. I not only help support him to this day but my mother bought him a $30K+ car and titled it to him to find out he sold it just to have money for a girlfriend. There are many factors here that you people do not even realize that come into play with my feelings. Apparently, my husband has issues. He cannot speak ever with his son about anything that is uncomfortable for him. We agreed (wife, husband and son) to not give gifts this year but he showed up with his normal method of operation. I want both son and father to understand how they make me feel. I feel after all of these years that my feelings just don't count. I still don't agree with your petty responses and pray to god that you are not counselors that actually see patients. You are idiots! You don't even stop to ask if perhaps the husband had this out of context a bit. Rethink your remarks, because I (the wife) still feel neglected and shorted. I have given my whole to this kid and in order for him to feel like a son again he needs to know how I feel and he needs his father to help him. There is a lot of water under the bridge so to speak with this family and I have stuck it and this is putting a wedge between us. Just so you know my husband can never discuss uncomfortable things with our son, he desires to seek your way of help to help him feel better but lead you incorrectly. It is not that I am not grateful, once again equality is the issue. Perhaps if the shoe were reversed and he had raised my child over the years and continued to be treated indifferently MAYBE he and you people could understand. .

Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Gift Giving?


S_C answered Sunday December 28 2008, 2:10 pm:
This is for the wife who spoke in the additional information.

Okay, so this isn't even your son, it's your step son? Oh, did that sound harsh? Sorry, you put it that way. If you can't see him as more than your step son, maybe he doesn't see you as anything more than his step mom.
Sure, I can understand where you're coming from - you feel like you have been treated poorly because he's using money to show who he loves more. Yeah, I'd be hurt if my mother spent $300 on my sister and only $20 on me, but I'd also look at it like this: maybe my gift was cheaper, but is it something I like?
My mom bought my sister a $300 Christmas gift. I received a gift that was only $100. However, the gift I received is exactly what I wanted. It was also on sale. What my sister received is exactly what she wanted and not on sale. BUT, my mom had a gift card to the store she purchased my sister's gift. So, in the end, they were of equal value.

Have you ever considered that? Maybe he didn't pay the value you found online.

I don't really care how upset you get that he spends more on your husband. It's still petty and immature to look up the values of a gift. As other users have said, a gift is a gift.
I could understand him just buying something for your husband and nothing for you, but he's still spending a great deal of money on you.

You mentioned how he sold a nice car that was a present to support his girlfriend - well, that's his prerogative. If he's that stupid, let him do it. Next time, his grandmother will know not to spend such a large amount of money on him.

You can sit them down and tell them how you feel when your husband receives gifts of a larger price than yours, but realize that you're still going to sound immature and crass to your step song and husband.

You're upset because we agree with your husband. Well, you're going to have to overcome that. No matter what you do about this situation, the only way it's going to not cause a huge rift is by keeping your mouth shut. Accept the gifts graciously or know that whatever you say is just going to cause a petty argument. Your step son will ask why you can't just be grateful that he's getting you something, and you'll look like an idiot.

This site isn't about coddling users, it's about tough love. We tell you like it is. Trust me, your husband could have phrased this making you sound like a saint and being on your side, we probably would have still held the same opinion. Anyone who cares that much about money & the cost of items is too materialistic. You're basing his love on what he buys you, and that's just wrong.

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Razhie answered Friday December 26 2008, 3:35 pm:
I think that her behavoir is aborhant. I can imagine a spoilt 15-year old behaving in that way, but an adult and a parent, I have trouble believing such a petty little creature exists.

Comparing prices is crass, but if she wants do so for her own knowledge, so be it. However, to confront your son over this would be absolutely unpardonable. It would be the hight of rudeness and indecency. If she can't tolerate the gift because it worth slightly less (frankly, in my opinion both gifts show you have an exceptionally generous son) then she can return it or give it to charity.

Although quite honestly, I would tell her she ought to be grateful for anything she recieved. If I thought my mother would sink to such behavoir the only thing she would recieve from me is a nice, heart-felt card.

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xokristabelle answered Friday December 26 2008, 3:31 pm:
How absolutely ridiculous. $220 is still a ton of money, trying to give it back is greedy and selfish, not to mention that it'll hurt your sons feelings. And it would be dumb of her because it's not like he'll get her something more expensive if she gives it back.
I don't know if there's anything you can do to stop her, but how rude and immature.

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sexytink99 answered Friday December 26 2008, 3:25 pm:
I think you just let your wife have all the power no matter what she does because women love to have all the power.So just by a gift that cost less money so she can stop arguing.But just remember next year let your wife be the big dog.Send a message to me and let me know how it goes.

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solidadvice4teens answered Friday December 26 2008, 2:59 pm:
She's out of line completely. A gift is a gift and a kind gesture from the person who bought it. To return it unless it's defective or only because of cost is wrong and offensive to the giver.

Regardless of how much it is worth the person giving it obviously wanted you both to have it. So, tell her to be bloody grateful, stop griping about the price and enjoy it. Doing anything other than that whether she liked it or not will offend your son and cause a rift.

It's not about equal value here its about what the person who gave it meant it to be and the effort they put forth. In all truthfulness $220.00 versus $395.00 isn't a HUHE difference.

I think it's pathetic unless you're a little kid to look up the value of one's Christmas gifts online and get pissed off because someone spent more on someone else. Your wife needs to wise up. How would she feel if your son did that with everything she bought him? It's gross and downright tacky.

Accept what you got and don't offend who gave it to you as they owed her NOTHING regardless of being a parent or not. Suck it up, enjoy it and don't worry about the bill. It's not like she's paying for the damn thing. She doesn't get the spirit behind giving apparently. I'm sorry to tear her down but that's the facts.

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