|
what to say?
my friend cheated on her boyfriend. her boyfriend forgave her and they are on a break now. so i want to have a talk with her but i dont know what to say to her. we already know she made a mistake and all that stuff. but now i want her to make sure she appreciates everything her boyfriend is doing. for example: he is still talking to her, texting her and appreciates her. i just want to talk to her about that and remind her. how do i do that or what do i say?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
The way to approach this, if that is what you truly want to do is, the most obvious way. "I'm just curious mind you, I would like to know why you did this. I am even more curious to know if you know why." The main thing in talking to anyone about something that is personal is, don't appear to judge. Never use the negative terms to them, such as cheating, for they know you disapprove. Cheating is a term that I will not use in the case of someone who has not made their vows. Boy friend and girl friend, is not a vow, they are at best a loose commitment. If she did it out of doubt, that says something, if she did it out of shear horniness, that also says something, any reason she gives says something about herself.
I think that him forgiving her says a lot, but what it says is determined by why he forgave her. Does he separate sex and love, or does the thought of it turn him on? Or, does he just love her that much?
Approach it from a curiosity stand point, it is the least threatening stance, and be cleaver in the way you approach the things you really want to say. When the time is right, ask her, "Do you feel that you are lucky he forgave you? How do you feel about the fact he still calls and talks to you?" Etc..., she may already feel as you do, then you don't have to say it.
There is another thing for you to consider, she may have done this to test him and try to make him jealous, it just got carried away. Be a friend and try to help her get to the bottom of it, it maybe she needs a new boyfriend, one who conforms better to what she BELIEVES she wants. We all test boundaries in all our relationships, perhaps in an unthinking way she got an answer she was looking for, but does not know it yet.
Feel free to write again if you need further help, I'd also be curious to here how it goes, if you are so inclined.
Thanks for writing, hope I helped.
]
Well, this is gonna be hard, especially if she has her own opinions and isn't open-minded.
I would say something like this, and have it be face to face.
"Listen, whether you care or not, i just want you to hear me out. you and your boyfriend are an amazing couple, and [insert name] is an OUTSTANDING boyfriend. he's forgiving, loyal, and is an all-around genuine guy. most girls would KILL to have a boyfriend like yours; i'm not trying to be pushy or anything, i just want to remind you of what you have, i don't want you to take him for granted again, to break his heart, and most of all, i care about you enough to talk to you about this. and as always, i'm always here for you if you need me for anything."
good luck!
kitty<3
]
Hello, thanks for writing in my inbox.
I think its a good thing that you want to remind her of how good she has it with her boyfriend. Sometimes people need friends like you to keep em in line :P
If i were you, i would just bring him up in a subtle way. Say, wow hes just so sweet to you, hes everything you could ask for in a guy. Just little things like that. Or, you can bring up how her boyfriend forgave her, and say how it is an amazing thing that he did :]
Little things like that should do the trick!
Good luck
]
Okay, well this is tricky. You don't want to make it sound like he was making a wrong choice by taking her back. Why not be like 'your so lucky *name* took you back' and if she goes why or i know. If she says i know, then i think that she pretty much understands what she did wrong. If she says why then be like its wrong to cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend. Just be like you found a great guy and i don't want to see you get hurt. Tell her that thus guy must reallyyy care about her to take her back after being un faithful. Be careful with your word choice, because some may upset her.
Good luck
Hope i helped
And if you would like more detail on what you should say then feel free to leave me another question!
-E
]
More Questions: |