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My mom having sex
f/15
Okay, so I come from a Muslim family.
We believe that having sex is only allowed after marriage.
My mother and father have been divorced for about 8 years now, since I was around 7.
None of them have gotten remarried.
However, my mom has had this so called "boyfriend" for some time now, maybe 2 years.
He is a lot younger than her, by about 8 years. He's 37.
I don't really like him. There have been a few incidents where my mom was fighting with him and was crying because she believed he was cheating on her.
My mother has many self esteem issues, she thinks she is fat and ugly, etc, which makes it only more likely that she think he is cheating on her.
If you ask me, I would say he probably was cheating, as he is quite cute, young, and healthy.
Anyways, for almost 3 months now, I have been waking up in the middle of the night to the sounds of them having sex.
I am absolutely HORRIFIED and DISGUSTED by it.
Sometimes they do it in the room RIGHT NEXT to mine, and other times they do it downstairs.
They are extremely loud and it's always at times like 3 or 4 in the morning. Last time was at 6 in the morning...
I was waking up early to do my homework and that's what I heard!
That time I threw a water bottle at the door because I could not stand it anymore.
Other than that, I have not said or done anything.
Sometimes when I am cleaning the house I find male or even female condoms in her drawers.
Just last week I saw an opened female condom on the floor near the garbage can......
However, I believe they are both drunk when they do it. I don't really know if this man is an alcoholic but I know that my mom sure likes that vodka.
There was even an incident a couple of months ago when I went downstairs to get some water, and my mom attempted to hide him in our breakfast room, which is the same place where the water bottles are.
I saw him and I got really angry, I said "WHAT THE F*** ARE YOU DOING HERE?!" and went upstairs.
It seemed like they were both drunk though.
Anyways, I would really like some help with this subject.
I find it very disturbing and I cannot withstand it any longer.
Please help me!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
First off: Your mother is entitled to have sex.
I know it creeps you out. I know it might be against your beliefs; however, she is an adult, and perfectly allowed to have sex with her boyfriend in her own home.
You cannot tell her not to have sex.
You can REQUEST that she be a bit quieter and less disruptive.
She might not even know how loud they are being, and be heartily ashamed of herself when you mention that you can clearly hear them.
Or she might not be.
Either way, buy yourself some earplugs.
You should NOT have to clean up after her sex acts.
That is just not cool. I wouldn't leave that kind of mess for my roommate, let alone my child. So, stop doing it. You have no reason to be in her drawers anyways, she can take care of those things. By all means go on strike the next time you find a used condom: You don’t clean no more until she is respectful enough to handle her own latex left-over’s.
It’s okay for you to not like this guy, but you may NOT yell at him or throw things at him. He is your mother’s guest in your home. You don’t get to be rude.
So, when talking with your mother about this, be respectful and polite. Remember that she is an adult and she is allowed to make mistakes and screw up. She is allowed to get drunk and have sex. It would be nice if she didn’t, but she is still allowed too. You don’t get to parent her.
REQUEST that she be more respectful and not so loud (and buy yourself earplugs), and
DEMAND that clean up after herself, because you won’t be any longer.
It's okay to feel annoyed and fed up, but you have to remember what is a fair way to act and what isn't when you confront your mom about this.
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All you can do is talk to your mom. Tell her it makes you uncomfortable to hear the two of them having sex and see him in your house at odd hours. If she won't change her behavior, purposely walk in on them. He won't feel comfortable being naked at your house if he's interrupted.
If all else fails, try investing in some ear plugs.
Good luck,
-Abby
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Whoa whoa whoa.
I can understand that it's culturally disturbing to bear sort of witness to all of this. But before you can take action you need to take a deep breath and calm down.
Sit your mother down and talk to her about her activities and how you feel about them. Tell her you're very uncomfortable with the fact that they are engaging in such activities, do things extremely loudly, and leave evidence everywhere.
Let her know that you are concerned.
But take a death breath first! Any time you feel like you're getting riled up or angry, count to 10.
cheers,
stargirl
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