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How should I talk to girls without getting embaressed?
I am a 14 year old male. I just started my first day of high school on September 2nd. Today is September 5th. Schools been relatively good until today. What went wrong is that a bunch of girls wanted to talk to me. Some approached me and I talked to them. The others said hi as I passed and I didn't talk to them. When I talk to or get talked to by girls I get shy & nervous and I stutter and am really slow figuring out what to say. Please help me figure out what to do. Be Yourself doesn't help me, sorry.
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awwwww! shy boys are the cutest! but, i guess if u really don't want to be shy, i can help. you see i'm a girl, and my first advice is not to act to confident, its a major turnoff, and as for thinking of things to say, talk about school! i mean you are already there, start off by saying,
"who do you have for math?" (just make sure shes not in YOUR math class!!)or if school is boring, compliment on the girls shoes, haha i love it when guys notice what im wearing. now if school is boring and you dont want to seem like too much of a fashion boy, try this:
girl: says hi, whats up blah blah
you: well, i was having a pretty boring day until you came up and started talking to me
girl: a form of thanks, ur so sweet, blah blah
you: ya, so are you in any clubs/sports?
then she will go on and on about her club/sport and you are off the hook!
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1) Do it ALOT more.
Experience helps everything, my friend. I used to be just like that. What helped me, was throwing myself into conversations that I wasnt comfy with, and sticking with them as long as i could. You learn what to say, you get comfy, also the more you're around any specific girl the easier it gets with her.
2) As questions. Not sure of what to say? Ask a girl a question about what she just said. It can be almost anything, but girls love talking about themselves. I have many times covered nervousness by just acting very interested and encouraging her to talk when I couldn't stop being nervous and attracted long enough to form an opinion of my own.
3) Ice breakers. Ice breakers are when you shatter nervous tension somehow.
In your situation, lets say I was talking to a girl. I had a few standard jokes about being nervous that I'd throw out there to make them laugh with me about the fact that I was nervous.
Once that was established, and they knew I was nervous around them, it became cute. Girls also love compliments, and telling a girl that she's pretty and attractive enough to make your mind go blank is a pretty good one.
Example.
Girl walks up and asks me how I'm doing and what I'm up to.
I'd start stuttering a little
"Ohh...I'm good... I was... (What was I doing?) I'm..."
Shes looking amused, or confused at this point, so I throw out a
"I'm... well I was doing something, and I'm sure I'll be able to remember it the second you walk away and I'm not nervous anymore"
That almost always got a laugh and one of those "Oh youre so cute" looks.
Sometimes followed up with a "what are you nervous about"
Perfect opener for a compliment and a bit of honesty.
"Theres something about being around attractive girls that ties my tongue in knots..."
Its an innocent enough comment, but usually it gets a blush and a smile.
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From there:
It really varies from girl to girl. Everybody has different preferences and turn ons and turn offs.
Some girls like athletes, some girls like boys in drama. Some girls like funny, outgoing and social guys, some like quiet shy bookworm guys.
Personally? I'd go for the theater guy over the basketball player, and the bookworm over the socialite. But that's just me ;]
Personality wise, here are my top 5:
1. A good sense of humor.
- A good sense of humor is always beneficial. And not a stupid "that's what she said!" sense of humor, somebody who can genuinely make an original joke. Making a girl laugh is one of the best things you can do in an effort to "win her heart".
2. Intelligence.
-Being smart is good, too. Us girls don't want to talk to somebody who can't count higher than 10, or who doesn't understand what's happening in the world. You don't have to be a total know it all, just smart enough to hold a decent conversation.
3. Nice guys.
- Nice guys DON'T finish last. If you compliment a girl, chances are she won't forget it any time soon. However, if you're mean to a girl, she'll remember for A LOT longer.
4. A good appearance.
- I'm not going to lie and don't think I'm shallow, but looks are all you have to go on for the first few minutes of knowing somebody. So if you're shirts half untucked, your shoes are untied, and your hair is unbrushed and a mess, chances are girls won't be into it.
5. Showing interest/having similar interests.
- I cannot tell you how attractive it is when I'm talking to a guy and he asks my favorite band, and the replies with, "I love The Rocket Summer, too!" Ask questions, and tell her when you like something she likes. If you have a lot in common, your relationship will go a lot farther than if you have nothing in common.
Those, however, are just the things I like but like I said, it's different for different girls. But a good sense of humor and giving a girl compliments are DEFINETE ins.
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And from there:
First of all, if you THINK you're going to be alone and have a pessimistic view on your potential for making friends, you will be alone.
That being said, making friends really isn't all that hard. Just talk to people! Here are a few ways you can start a conversation:
1. Compliment them.
- If they're wearing a nice pair of shoes, or some cute jeans, tell them. Let them know you like their shoes, and then ask where they got them. After that, ask if they're comfortable or something. Don't be annoying about it, but take interest in the person you're talking to, and hopefully, chances are they'll show interest back.
2. Find something you have in common.
- If they're wearing a band shirt, and it's a band you like, tell them! For example, say they are wearing a Rocket Summer shirt, say to them, "I see you have on a Rocket Summer shirt, do you like his music?" Then, after they answer, tell them your opinion on the band/artist.
3. Talk about your surroundings/where you are.
- Say it's after class and the person next to you is getting up to leave. Walk out next to him/her and comment on the class. Say something like, "That was kind of an interesting lesson." or "Was it just me, or was that lecture kind of boring?" or, if you're sitting outside on a bench, and somebody is sitting next to you, make a comment about the weather or where you are.
4. Make a joke!
- There's no better way to make friends with somebody than to make them smile/laugh. BUT don't make a joke about another person, it will make you look bad AND potentially hurt another person's feelings.
And as a side note:
Just be yourself, and be confident. I know you said it doesn't help you, but it's true. Don't be somebody you're not, because you want girls to like you for WHO you REALLY are. Good luck =]
-Laura (16-f)
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thts sooo cute i love shy guys and so do most girls our age. just try and be urself and show ur personality. focus on wht they r saying instead of wht ur gona say next. :)
hope i helped
good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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aww that's SuperCute no lie
I love it wen a guy is shy it wayy better than a concieded dude trust
but yea talk if u don't it might seem like ur avoiding them or something
justb really confident & eye contact works best ! :)
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I could give you some conversation-starting tips? Because if you have in mind that you first WANT to talk to them, and second, what you're going to talk about, you'll seem more confident and not shy.
Here:
www.wikihow.com/Start-a-Conversation-When-You-Have-Nothing-to-Talk-About
1. Always start off with something that others don't use often. Example: You see a girl in a bar and she's sitting with some friends. You walk up to her and say, "I would like to sit with you, but before I sit down, what are you drinking?" "Bud Light (insert drink)? Good choice. I'll be back with 2 Bud Lights (insert drink) and I'll hope that this seat isn't taken when I get back."
2. Start with a "hello," and simply tell the new person your name then ask them theirs. Offer your hand to shake, upon his/her responding to you. (If you go to other countries, greet the person in tune with the particular culture, e.g. in India greet by saying 'namaste' with folded hands). If you already know the person, skip this step and proceed to step 3.
3. Look around. See if there is anything worth pointing out. Sure, talking about the weather is a cliche, but if there's something unusual about it--bam!--you've got a great topic of conversation.
4. Offer a compliment. Don't lie and say you love someone's hair when you think it's revolting, but if you like his or her shoes, or a handbag, say so. A sincere compliment is a wonderful way to get someone to warm up to you. But be careful not to say something so personal that you scare the person off or make him or her feel uncomfortable. It is best not to compliment a person's looks or body.
5. Ask questions! Most people love to talk about themselves --- get them going. "What classes are you taking this year?" "Have you seen (Insert-Something-Here)? What did you think of it?" Again, keep the questions light and not invasive. Do not ask too many questions if he or she is not responsive to them.
6. Jump on any conversation-starters he or she might offer; take something he or she has said and run with it. Agree, disagree, ask a question about it, or offer an opinion, just don't let it go by without notice.
7. Look your newfound friend in the eye, it engenders trust (but don't stare). Also, use the person's name a time or two during the conversation; it will help you remember the name, and will draw the person's attention to what you are talking about.
8. Don't forget to have fun with your conversation!
Tips
* Just relax. Chances are that whatever small-talk you're making isn't going to stick out in anyone's mind a few months from now. Just say whatever comes into your head, so long as it's not offensive or really weird. (Unless, of course, the person you're attempting to converse with is into weird stuff.)
* Remember, if you think of something in your head while you're talking, it's probably related.
* It will help if you watch some TV, listen to radio shows, and/or read a lot -- newspapers, magazines, and/or books. You need to have some idea of what is going on in the world.
* If you are shy, it will be helpful to have thought about a topic or two that you could talk about.
* Follow the lead that your listener is expressing. If he or she appears interested, then continue. If he or she is looking at a clock or watch, or worse, looking for an escape strategy, then you have been going on for too long.
* Interesting and funny quotes or facts can lighten things up, and make way for things to talk about.
* If talking over the phone, keep the person involved in the conversation at all costs. If you can't come up with a good topic, try the "questions" game. Just keep asking them questions; random questions work just fine as long as they are appropriate. This technique can save a phone conversation. The questions should be open ended questions that do not require a yes or no answer. For example "How do you know the hosts?" This way you can ask questions about what they just said or follow up with how you know the hosts (for example) instead of acting as if the conversation is an interrogation.
* Half of an effective conversation is the way you non-verbally communicate, and not necessarily what you say. Practice better non-verbal skills that are friendly and confident.
* Read newspapers and magazines to increase your knowledge so you can have more interesting things to talk about
Warnings
* Don't be overly invasive with questions.
* Don't use tons of fillers like "umm" or "soo". It might make the person you're talking to feel awkward or obligated to say something. Instead talk slowly and pause. This will create a little tension and make your newly found friend more invested in your conversation.
* Don't desperately ask personal questions.
* Keep eye-contact
* Don't ever comment negatively on the person or someone's looks... you never know if they have a personal attachment to it or if they are friends with the person you are criticizing
--Jack
(16/m)
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