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is it meant to be?
ok im really close with this girl and I really like her I've told her how I felt but she just wants to be friends shes afraid that if we were to take a step further it would affect our friendship so what do I do?
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Oi Christ man...
Rein yourself in a little.
No, it is not meant to be. Nothing is meant to be.
Welcome to "the friend trap"
The friend trap is a position nice guys find themselves in quite often, because in trying to get a girl interested they become her friend, and that never works out well.
Step one. Sit down, take a breath, and realize that she isnt interested in you.
Thats right. Not interested. She does not and probably never will feel about you the way you do about her.
Now, a little insight for you.
Guys are logical. We look at a girl and think "shes attractive, I can talk to her, she makes me laugh, I think I'll form an emotional attachment to her"
Its usually a pretty conscious choice. We see, and pursue.
Women don't work that way. Women work off of emotion rather than logic. So she feels certain ways about certain people. She might not even know why at this point in her life (actually she probably doesnt, as most women don't reach this level of self awareness until some point in the 20s at the earliest) but she is attracted to certain people and unattracted to most everyone else.
At this point, we don't know why specifically you got the friends speech. What we do know, based on years upon years of history from guys across the globe, is that chasing her is almost 99% chance going to break up the friendship and still not have you dating her.
Give up. Find someone else. Tell her that if she ever changes her mind, you're interested, and pursue someone else. If there is any tiny hope in hell that she will be interested in you, its not going to happen until you stop trying to get her interested in you.
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I completely know where this girl is coming from, as I've been in her position a few times in the past year. I don't really care to talk about it, but I'll try to give some insight as to why the girl is doing this, and why I think you should stop making such a huge deal out of it.
Like my friend Jack said, just because she doesn't want to date you does NOT, be any means, mean she thinks you're scum or not worthy of dating her or anything remotely close to that. It probably doesn't even mean anything bad! Have you ever contemplated that fact that maybe she cares enough about you to WANT to AVOID hurting your feelings?
If she told you she doesn't want it to effect your friendship, then that's what it is: she doesn't want your friendship to be ruined if you break up/somebody cheats/something goes wrong. Would you rather be friends and not date, or date and have something go wrong and ruin your friendship forever?
Bottom Line:
You can't MAKE somebody have feelings for you, and you can't force her into a relationship when she doesn't want to be in it. Just respect her decision, and live with the choice she's made.
There are other fish in the sea, and I'm guessing you're still pretty young. So, you have plenty of time ahead of you for dating and relationships ;]
-Laura (16-f)
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I've been there and done that.
Really, and I know exactly how hard this is to hear, you have to trust that she's looking out for you two in saying that.
Just because she doesn't want to date doesn't mean she hates you and thinks you're just some garbage or something. If anything, it means she values your friendship too much to see anything happen to it because of some stupid break up.
I suggest that you try your best to just accept it, and as hard as it may be, it's really your only option. You can't FORCE her to date you, and trust me, I know what it's like to want that.
Sometimes staying friends is the smartest thing you can do, and don't blame her for making that decision.
--Jack
(16/m)
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You have to try and understand what she means by that. If something were to happen between you two and you ended up breaking up, that could really affect the friendship and never be the same again.
You can never really say that if you guys end up breaking up, that you will still remain friends because you don't know what could possibly happen. You obviously can't force her to go along with her. However, you can consider what she is saying. What she is saying is a possibility if you two were to go out. If that is a risk you are willing to take, explain that to her and tell her that if something were to go wrong, you are confident that your friendship can tolerate it.
If she is not receptive to the idea, you are going to have to let her be and just continue being friends with her.
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