|
sex
Okay...
I really want to have sex but iam really afraid tha my paretns are going to find out or my friends!
and what if i get pregnant!
i mean i will use a condom but you can still get pregnant but all my other friends never got pregnant when they had sex but could and it would ruin my whole life!
i need help PLEASE!
~Sandy~
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
You are too young to have sex.
Being horny is normal. We all have sex drives we have to satisfy or ignore as appropriate.
Usually I would provide a good amount of safety information just in case.
Today, I won't.
Because you are way too young. I can tell by your post that there is no way in hell you are over 15, and that you don't know much of anything about sex.
Being horny is not a good enough reason. Being horny means you masturbate. If thats not enough, find a way to obtain a vibrator.
At the very least, you are right. Getting pregnant could ruin your whole life.Worse, you are too young and uneducated to properly protect yourself. Do the responsible thing and WAIT.
]
You know what I think? I think you're trying to kill off what youth you have left. Having sex is VERY risky and if you're not prepared then you can end up in very difficult situation.
To begin with, condoms are only 88% effective (typical usage) on preventing pregnancy. That means that out of every 100 sexual encounters between people, 12 women will become pregnant.
The hormonal birth control pill isn't much better either. It's about 92% effective for typical usage--remember, the 99% they tell you if for PERFECT usage--are we perfect beings? Nope! So, that means that out of every 100 sex encounters, 8 babies will be conceived.
Babies don't care if you're a teenager. Babies don't care if you still want to go on dates and have a good time. Babies don't care if you have to stay home, drop out of school, and work 3 part-time jobs to make enough money to buy them diapers. Babies will come when you make these sorts of decisions with your life. If babies don't come then you might end up finding out you became infertile because of a STD that kept itself covered for years.
Pregnancy costs:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Also, a baby takes a lot of time and energy. The baby needs 100% of you all of the time. They need all of the emotional support you can give them and, face it, you're not quite up to that yet. Try thinking about balancing child rearing, a full-time job, paying on hospital bills from delivery, and homework all in one day. You'd get so burned out quickly that you couldn't provide a decent life for the baby.
Having a baby means you're sacrificing all of you for another being. You have to alter or give up your future dreams to ensure that they will have a future. Forget having decent relationships with guys too if you're unmarried. They will know how much responsibility you hold and may even fear of getting you pregnant again; even if you stay with the guy that impregnated you he may become nervous of producing another child and there will be a lot of stress on the relationship--more reason of a break-up. The baby becomes your entire life, your world revolves around him/her.
I know everyone is making a big deal out of sex but you don't have to. You don't have to end up with an STD. Do you know that a good 80% of my class in school had gonorrhea? Now, that is scary!
Condoms don't protect you against STDs and infections and neither does the birth control pill. Even virgins can have STDs, believe it or not. You wouldn't believe the percentage of BABIES who have herpes because their parents passed it to them. Those babies will grow up believing that the sores they have are normal and won't tell their partners because of this, most likely.
STD facts:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
I know a lot of girls who are so depressed because they have been used and abused throughout the years. They threw away their virginities when they were young, believing they were in love. When the guy eventually left them they fell completely apart. Some lost their virginity when they were 15, they're now in their 20s and cannot cope in relationships. All of their relationships fail because they can't get over the fact that sex should not be important for a relationship to survive. They will do this over and over throughout their entire life, popping out babies (or aborting them) by different guys and being unhappy.
The first time is not going to feel good for the woman. It hardly ever does. The problem is this:
If your relationship NEEDS sex to prove love then sex is going to break the relationship. Sex is not what people claim it is and that's why many people sleep around. Those people sleeping around are looking for that oh-so-wonderful sex they were told about and figure it must come along somewhere.
I know people who have broken up with boyfriends/girlfriends because the sex wasn't good. Seriously. I am not kidding. I have heard of many people saying how in love they are, but after having sex they become obsessed with sex and end up breaking up because the love fades off and all that is there is desire.
Sex can break a couple sometimes and I'm sure you don't want that. I've seen couples break up because they just weren't compatible in the bed (someone was too shy, someone had a kink, someone didn't like something the other loved, etc). Those couples made too big of a deal out of it. They wanted sparks to fly and for it to be special and perfect and when it wasn't what they expected they were highly disappointed.
Seriously, please reconsider.
Married couples simply do not have the problems that other sexual partners do. Also, giving your virginity to your partner on wedding night shows a huge amount of care--to save yourself for that very special day, for that special person, through all of those years. Married couples never fear they're being used or will be left. They're able to open up and tell each other what they desire without fear. They know that if a pregnancy happens that they will get through it together with each other's support. They also aren't fearful of catching an STD from their partner because they know they're their only partner. Both partners tend to be fully satisfied because they're able to communicate well with each other and they're able to feel emotionally secure.
How could you forgive a partner for transmitting an STD to you? How could you get over getting pregnant and giving birth to a mentally ill child? What happens if the relationship gets rocky and a pregnancy occurs--what happens then? There are too many factors that will add a load of pressure on you relationship, and could break it down in a matter of days.
Here is a link about some things you should think about before engaging in sex. Even if you're dead set on losing your virginity, it's still really interesting to look at. The site really makes you think about things you overlooked before:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
Here is also a link on some things about virginity. I think it has some neat points and gives examples to explain what they're talking about:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
A baby can ruin your life at this moment.
An STD can ruin your life.
The guilt can ruin your life.
My suggestion for the time being is simply this:
Make memories of your youth.
When you're older you'll have something to say. Your grandchildren will all sit around, wanting you to tell them about the time you and grandpa went out and did this and that. They'll come to you advice on how to make their own relationships work and you'll be able to say, "It isn't about having sex. It isn't about saying you're going to marry them. It's about life, love, and making lasting memories together."
Wouldn't you two like to look back years down the road and have giggles about the silly things you remember and the good times you had during the week? You'll be able to tell your future friends and possible children and grandchildren all about the neat things you two used to do together.
I feel sad that a lot of the teenagers now won't have a "how we met" story other than, "We met at a party and starting making out and had sex." I feel sad that teenagers will have to say, "I was engaged to 3 guys before he asked me and we got married." I feel sad that they won't have anything to say about what they did together other than, "Well, we we could see each other, we had sex. Sometimes with a condom, sometimes without. We had a few pregnancy scares." I feel sad that they will have to tell their own children things like, "No, your mother/father wasn't my first sexually. I lost my virginity when I was 13 to this one guy/girl. I had been with 13 people prior to your mother/father."
Go roller-blading.
See concerts.
Go to the park and watch old people in love.
Lay on the ground and look at the clouds.
Go on movie dates.
Share a milkshake.
Read books together.
Go have a few double-dates with your best friend.
Volunteer together.
Talk to strangers together and see if you can help brighten their day.
Help each other grow.
Don't worry about sex.
The time will come when that will be important.
The time is not now.
Be 13.
Be 14.
Be 15.
Be 16.
Be 17.
Be 18.
Enjoy your youth while you can, and look back to laugh and smile at the good, wholesome memories.
Your parents finding out that you engaged in sexual relations would be the least of your worries.
Make good, lasting memories of the short period of time you get to be together. It may seem like having sex is a big deal and you'll remember it forever but you two, most likely, won't as the years go by. Everyone does it. It isn't special.
I do hope that you reconsider and make the right choices for this stage of your life. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
P.S.
Do you really want to be one of the users here asking, "AM I PREGNANT?!" For note, those girls who are doing the friends with benefits thing? They will circle that a thousand times in their lifetimes and won't ever be happy--do any of them ever really sound happy? Nope. Sex isn't as great as what people make it out to be, I promise.
]
if you really wanna do it, then do it. no one will find out, unless the person you have sex with tells someone... but if you can trust him with that and he's the kind of person that won't tell anyone then go for it. i've been sexually active for 5 years now and i have not gotten pregnant. just be as safe as possible and most likely nothing will go wrong. good luck hun :).
]
if you're sure you're ready, just do it. the only way anyone would find out is if you or your partner spreads the word. yes, you can still get pregnant by using a condom, it's not likely but possible. just ask the guy to pull out before he cums, and make sure the condoms on correctly.
-desiree 14/f
]
Sandy:
My advice to you is to talk to your mom about your desire to have sex. If there is a boy that you really care about and you both want to have sex, I am not going to say not to. The important thing however is that you should not have any fear going into the situation. Sometimes it's easier to ask Mom if she will go to the doctor with you and then confront her with your doctor's support about why you would like to be put on birth control.
We live in a world where sex is no longer for the sole purpose of making babies. It can be many things, most importantly, it's supposed to feel good, to feel right. If you have any question about whether it's the right choice, don't do it. I promise you that you will make plenty of mistakes in life without knowing that they were coming. If you see a mistake coming, trust yourself, and do the right thing to avoid it.
DRSilver
]
I know this is something that you probably don't want to hear...but my advice to you is to wait. I can say that from personal experience. I kinda' thought like you did, you know "my friends have unprotected sex all the time and they never get pregnant so I'll use protection and I definately won't get pregnant. Guess what? I got pregnant. My mom found out and made me have a abortion which is something I am absolutley against, even to this day. The decesion to have sex wasn't a decesion I was ready to make because even now at 26 years old, I am so tormented by what happened to me when my mom made me feel like I didn't have a choice. If you have a steady boyfriend and just want to turn up the passion, there's PLENTY of other things you can do besides have sex. I definately do not advise just having sex with some random guy just because you think your ready. You will regret it later, that is surely a promise. The things you can do besides sex is: Kissing, exploring each others bodys, massage. (If your in a committed relationship then maybe mutual masturbation or oral) So I hope I've helped even if it was just a little bit. Good Luck in making the right decesion...I wish I had.
]
If you are afraid then you really shouldn't
be doing it. Most young teens DON'T think
about what might happen. I'm really glad
you do.
There is nothing wrong with having sex
when you are really ready. It is
taking a big gamble with your future
when you do though. That's why both
partners need to be adult enough to
take the responsibility should those
risks become reality.
If you have sex with someone you need
to make sure it is with someone you
would marry if you got pregnant. If
you are to young to even drive, If
nobody has a means to make a living
to support you and a family, don't
have sex. If you aren't on very
reliable birth control, don't have
sex. Thats what I told my daughter.
There are sexually transmitted
diseases out there that can be
life altering too. Get herpes
or a disease like that and you
will have to explain that to
anyone who you have sex with in
the future. It could ruin future
relationships. Get AIDS and you
die a slow agonizing death.
Its really not smart for anyone
to think the person wanting sex
will be 100% truthful about what
they have done and with who in
the past. Thats putting your
entire life at risk.
Don't follow the crowd. Just because
your friends haven't been caught yet
doesn't mean they won't be. It doesn't
mean you won't be.
I'm sure the answer you wanted was
"Just use a condom and don't tell
anyone, it will be fine." That
isn't the truth though. Condoms
can break and kids take risks
because they think themselves
invincible every day.
Be grown up enough to wait until
everything is perfect. :)
]
More Questions: |