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engagement?


Question Posted Thursday August 21 2008, 4:21 am

okay so me and my boyfriend had been dating for three years and he asked me to marry him!I'm only 14! and he's 16. we're sooo young! I didn't give him my answer yet but I just don't know what to say. I mean I love him with all my heart and when he cry then I cry. when he's hurt or injured then I injure myself to be injured with him. we do everything together besides go to school. I do plan to get married some day but not this soon. he said we'll be engaged until I'm 17 or 18 and that's when we'll get married. but should I wait till I'm that age or should I just tell him no?what should I do?

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BahaiMa22 answered Thursday August 21 2008, 7:35 pm:
Fourteen is a bit young to even be thinking about the possibility of becoming engaged. Engagement isn't just something you do, It's the big step to a commitment of a lifetime. Although, you two have been together for three years why don't you keep it just as a boyfriend, girlfriend type of thing? Hun, I think you are way to young. Most adults don't become engaged until they hit around 22 or 23 years old.


Rethink it and be smart.

Bahaima22

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*ashlee* answered Thursday August 21 2008, 2:26 pm:
Well you are right, the two of you are very very young. But if you want to marry him right now, then theres no reason why you can't say yes. It's only an engagement, it's not the actual marriage. Which means, three years from now if the two of you are still together, but you don't want to get married, you can just say so and split ways, or wait a little longer. You don't have to say no if you don't want to. Like I said it's not like it means the two of you are getting married tomorrow. It's more or less of a promise that the two of you will always try and make things work, and never cheat kind of thing. It's the next step up from being boyfriend and girlfriend. It's a MUCH bigger commitment. If you don't believe that you two are ready for that kind of huge commitment then tell him that and see what he has to say. If he loves you, I'm sure he will understand that you are very young and want some time to think about it. Besides that, once you start telling people that you are engaged, it may cause problems in your relationship because people will always be putting it down and telling you that it's stupid because you are too young and don't know enough about life. Which is partly true. The two of you have a lot more things you need to do and experience in life before you are ready to determine weather or not now is the appropriate time for something so important and life changing. Besides, if he is only 16 that means you won't be getting a big diamond or anything, and what girl wants to tell her friends shes engaged with a .25 cent machine ring? Haha :] that's not the point though, I'm only kidding. But the point is you are young, BUT you only live once. And if it doesn't work out, then at least you did what you wanted and you learned something, and had a good time/experience. You have many many many years ahead of you with many more things like this that will crop up. You can ask for advice and people can tell you what to do and how to feel but when it comes right down to it, it's all about you. Do whats going to make you happy honey, I hope I helped at least a little, good luck!
:]

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schochie16 answered Thursday August 21 2008, 1:48 pm:
Well, you don't even know if you guys are still going to be together in 3 or 4 years, you might be. But, if your not you don't want to have that comitment. I think what you should tell him is that you want to wait a little bit and that you tink that your to young. Just say that you don't want to make that kind of commit ment. Just don't say it like that. lol. Well, make it clear that you'll deal with that when your 17 or 18. Do you really want to go to college married? When you two may not even go to the same college?

You need to consider all of this. Make sure when you're telling him the answer you word it right, the worst possible thing is that he'll think you just don't like him enough to make that commitment.


hope i helped, and if you need anymore help drop it in my inbox

-E

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Peeps answered Thursday August 21 2008, 7:08 am:
Simply put, I think you're way too young to be making these sorts of decisions.

I know it may seem like you two have everything planned out. I also know that it may seem like you have a perfect relationship; however, you're both going through some tough, life-changing years right now. You two really shouldn't be worrying about marriage quite yet. If you love each other, then give yourselves time to grow up a little, and I mean this in the most pleasantest way possible.

If I were you, I would tell him everything you told us. You love him very, very much and you would like to spend the rest of your life with him; however, you feel you're too young to make that sort of decision at this point. Let him know that you're not necessarily telling him that you don't want to or aren't going to marry him. Let him know that you just need a few more years to grow and learn about the world.

You really sound like you have your head on your shoulders. You do want marriage, but you know you're simply too young for that. That is really a very good thing to know.

Worry about being 14 while he worries about being 16. Have fun going out as boyfriend/girlfriend and having double-dates and the like. Make lasting memories right now because there will be plenty of years ahead to work on a marriage.

To me, when you tell someone you will marry them then you have to be serious. You're at a time now that so many things may happen and you two may drift apart (not saying that it will happen)--you really never know. You should be more worried about keeping the relationship together and strong instead of when to marry each other because you two simply don't know what life may throw your ways.

Like I said, worry about being a teenager right now. Maybe you can even let him know that it might be acceptable for you to make this decision at age __ (I suggest 18, 21, or later). I think if you two really are in love then he'll understand what you're saying.

You can prove your love in so many ways. It's a shame that teens don't realize that now. You don't need to throw the word engagement around and you don't have to have sex. My suggestion for the time being is simply this:

Make memories of your youth.

When you're older you'll have something to say. Your grandchildren will all sit around, wanting you to tell them about the time you and grandpa went out and did this and that. They'll come to you advice on how to make their own relationships work and you'll be able to say, "It isn't about having sex. It isn't about saying you're going to marry them. It's about life, love, and making lasting memories together."

I feel sad that a lot of the teenagers now won't have a "how we met" story other than, "We met at a party and starting making out and had sex." I feel sad that teenagers will have to say, "I was engaged to 3 guys before he asked me and we got married." I feel sad that they won't have anything to say about what they did together other than, "Well, we we could see each other, we had sex. Sometimes with a condom, sometimes without. We had a few pregnancy scares." I feel sad that they will have to tell their own children things like, "No, your mother/father wasn't my first sexually. I lost my virginity when I was 13 to this one guy/girl. I had been with 13 people prior to your mother/father."

Go roller-blading.
See concerts.
Go to the park and watch old people in love.
Lay on the ground and look at the clouds.
Go on movie dates.
Share a milkshake.
Read books together.
Go have a few double-dates with your best friend.
Volunteer together.
Talk to strangers together and see if you can help brighten their day.
Help each other grow.

Don't worry about marriage.
Don't worry about sex.
The time will come when those will be important.
The time is not now.
Be 14.
Be 15.
Be 16.
Be 17.
Be 18.
Enjoy your youth while you can, and look back to laugh and smile at the good, wholesome memories.

I hope your partner takes your response well, whatever you decide. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)

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