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Should he even be jealous/mad?
so i've been going out with my boyfriend for 11 months today. anyways our town has a festival every year in august. it started yesterday. well he had to work yesterday till 11:30 at night so we didn't get to go to the festival together so i went with my friends. while i was hanging out with my friends my ex-boyfriend was there also. him and i are friends but my boyfriend doesn't like him. anyways him and i were talking when we looked around and saw that my friends had left. so we went looking for them just us two. well my cousin is best friends with my boyfriend and he saw my ex and i walking alone together and told my boyfriend. so now he's mad at me and i tried explaining to him that we were looking for my friends and he offered to help. so now my boyfriend is all pissed and everything.
what i want to know is it okay for him to be mad when my ex was just helping me find my friends?
sorry so long. thanks for the advice.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Whether you had sex with your ex-boyfriend or not is no matter really. The whole problem revolves around you spending alone time with a guy that you shared deep feelings with at some point in your life. You and your ex-boyfriend share some history together--this should not be a comfortable friendship situation anymore.
You chose your ex-boyfriend for certain reasons. Maybe he was handsome, wealthy, or smart. Maybe he seemed to be super kind or super popular. Maybe he was all you could get for the time being. The issue is, you decided to be with him at one point and that time has gone away now.
I find it extremely odd that you didn't notice your friends leaving the area you were in when talking with your ex-boyfriend. This means you were so wrapped up into your ex that you didn't even move away from the conversation enough to notice friends leaving.
Sex or no sex, you shouldn't be in contact with your ex-boyfriend. It simply isn't right.
Stay away from your ex, no matter how much "friendship" you two share now. The moment you two became an item is the moment you two stopped being able to be friends.
It's time now to cut off the useless contact with him unless you're saving him for back-up when your current relationship ends. That's what it looks like to me along with quite a few others, I'm sure. This also makes it look like you don't care about your current relationship. I'm just telling you what I think when I hear something like this.
Your boyfriend has every right to feel hurt. He feels betrayed, naturally. If my boyfriend went off and spend a few hours one late night with an ex-girlfriend of his I would feel like my heart was shattered.
It simply comes to this:
You spent time with another guy.
You spent time with another guy that you use to have feelings for.
You spent time with another guy that you use to have feelings for and that use to have feelings for you.
You spent time, alone, with another guy that you use to have feelings for and that use to have feelings for you.
You ditched your friends to spend time, alone, with another guy that you use to have feelings for and that use to have feelings for you.
You were so wrapped up into this guy that you COMPLETELY ignored your friends, even when they were leaving the hang-out area. Even at that, when you noticed they had gone away you felt no guilt about ignoring them and focusing on your EX!
Mentally you became attached to your ex-boyfriend in conversation. The conversation was so intense and deep that the people surrounding you went unnoticed. Time didn't matter. For a moment there you two had some form of mental connection in which you chose him over everyone else in your life. Let me ask you this:
When you were talking to your ex-boyfriend, was your current boyfriend on your mind?
Probably not. Why not? Did he not matter anymore since you were with this other guy?
And, if so, then why didn't you know how that conversation you were having would make him feel? Did you not care about his feelings?
My advice now is to deeply apologize to your boyfriend about your behavior, and cut off all contact with your ex-boyfriend. You can only apologize sincerely and hope that your boyfriend overlooks this form of psychological betrayal this one time.
Try to make this up to your boyfriend but don't expect good results. Be honest and hope he can be forgiving enough to overcome this. Your boyfriend is at no wrong.
Learn a lesson from this, apologize deeply to your current partner, and go on with life trying not to make this same mistake. If they were once your boyfriend then they can no longer be a real friend. You once shared something more than friendship with the guy--it cannot just magically go away.
I hope things turn out well and you are able to repair your relationship. If you have any more questions, please feel free to ask me! :)
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Okay.. everyone else that answered this question kinda took it to the extreme, especially the first one.
Your boyfriend is jealous. It happens, and in this case I think he has a reason to be. You were alone with your ex, and it makes him nervous. It would make me nervous. I would wonder why you were paying so much attention to your ex that you didn't notice your friends left. I just think you need to reassure him that he's the only guy in your life that really matters. Make a night for him, like invite him over and make him dinner and cuddle up for a movie. That night apologize for making him uncomfortable, and tell him that you'll understand why he would be and wont put him in that position again. Ask him what you could do to make it up to him/make him more comfortable in the future. Good luck!!
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ok so the answer above seems to extreme but yeah i would be jealous too, imagine your your boyfriend and i'd be thinking something like "oh so i cant go to the festival so you end up spending the night with your ex boyfriend??" that sounds likel a punishment for not going or soemthing EVEN IF YOU DIDN¿T MEAN ANTYHING BAD its always annoying for the actual boyfriend/girlfirend that you remain friends with your ex..imagine how would you feel like your boyfriend is now firneds with the person he used to maybe be in love with kiss hug and say nice things to her and possibly had sex..not so confortable when you picture both of them at a festival together that they even lost their friends cause they where talking with each other eventhough you didn't do anything wrong like kissing etc or something . the other person will still be mad and sad about it , think it like you where your boyfriend :[) try to explain to him and maybe cutting a little comunication with your ex would be good if your not into burning bridges just dont talk to him THAT much or just avoid situation like "just the two of you" from now on :) always think about how would you feel if you where the other person ..sorry but yeah i'd be jalous and i think most people would be , maybe if i where one of those girls that HARDLY get jealous then yeah but most people are not that way..hope i helped
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Hi there,
You always have to pretend things are the other way around, as a starting point to understanding why people are upset.
There are a couple of things to consider:
If you have had sex with the other guy you were alone at the fair with, don't expect your boyfriend to be cool with it.
Typically, people who are still "friends" with people they have had sex with are just keeping them in reserve for a rainy day. Guys aren't stupid, they know this. Guys do the same thing, but to a lesser degree, usually.
So, I am going to run with the idea that you two were intimate at some point for the example that follows:
Picture this: Your boyfriend goes to the festival without you. He is having such a good time with his ex-girlfriend (You know, the one he used to bang every day) that he completely ignores his friends, and doesn't even know they left to do something else. Why did he end up alone with the person he used to have sex with? Because he was paying more attention to the person he used to have sex with, than the friends he was SUPPOSED to be there WITH.
Make sense now?
If it was you who couldn't go, and your boyfriend was having such a good time with the girl he used to have sex with that he forgot all about his friends so he could talk to/laugh with her... what would YOU feel like?
I thought so.
Almost unforgivable, isn't it?
I guess you could be glad he isn't me... The minute you confirmed that this actually happened, and it wasn't just gossip... I would have dumped you on the spot, deleted you from every form of contact I had with you, and worked on forgetting you existed.
Good luck.
P.S. Even if you told him you guys didn't have sex... after the festival incident, he probably doesn't believe you anymore. I wouldn't.
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