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SEX: Thinking? Talking? Listening? But, Seeing?!?!
14/F
Everybody in my school and everybody in the world knows what sex is and all the works of art that goes with it, right? I know most of it since I'm only 14 and my family doesn't talk about it. If I say the word sex at home and my dad is near, he'll yell and me and start saying, "Go to your room or wash your mouth out!"
I don't get why, but I ignore it. I actually think sex is like art and that it's normal, so say people I meet and things. Well, I was searching on the computer for something and I got this pop up. For some reason, my computer only blocks pop ups of laptops and things, but not porn pop ups. So I got this porn video as a pop up as I entered a site searching for a certain guy from a TV show. So, anyway, the pop up scared me. I freaked out and started whimpering and trying to turn off the computer screen. I was a dark red color when I looked in the mirror! I wasn't feeling any kind of turn on, either! Just freaked out! I don't get why! I swear I could handle that kind of stuff, but when I saw it, it freaked me out! I didn't know what I saw, but it was kind of scary! Luckily, my speakers are broken and I couldn't hear anything, but it was scary! Why did I suddenly have a change?
Then, today it happened again! A pop up came up when I was going to my friend's profile on a certain site. Well, I got this pop up of a guy and a girl, but mostly the guy's genitals. I was confused at first, but then that thing started up again. I started getting terrified and I snapped the computer off. I keep telling myself that it's nothing, but then I started thinking about it. I can't possibly be immature about it. I mean, at school when someone says penis, I don't laugh. I just listen to the teacher, then ignore it for the rest of the day. Someone says 69, I don't laugh. I mean, if you say it a hundred times, then maybe I'll laugh then, but that's different...
Anyway... My question is: Why do I get so scared and nervous when I see a guy or even a girl's body?! I have things a girl has, duh, because I'm a girl, but I still get scared and panick. Then my next thought was: How the heck am I ever gonna have sex when I'm married if I freak out like that?! I might end up smacking my own boyfriend! Can someone please help me?! I'm so confused and kinda freaked out! ><
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I just want you to know that porn bothers me a lot too :) You're not the only one who gets way freaked out by porn!
There are many reasons why porn might bother you so we can't really pinpoint the reasoning, but maybe you can if I list off a few things that COULD be the reason why. You can take some time and think about all of the possibilities as to why you get so weirded out and then go from there. Some reasons could be:
You feel deep inside that females aren't suppose to watch/enjoy porn.
You have never seen sexual acts and it's shocking to suddenly view them.
You have been sexually violated previously and associate porn with such things.
You feel that mature people do not view porn and that you are quite mature (which it does sound this way).
You view sex as a very serious activity (it should be viewed this way but hardly anyone does now) and are shocked that someone takes it so lightly.
Deep inside you'd like to remain sort-of a complete virgin--mentally along with physically--and feel that seeing porn is corrupting your innocence.
You have been sheltered from sex your entire life and the new information is frightening when thrown directly in your face.
You simply have no interest in sexual activity.
It does not seem appealing in any way and you view it as repulsive to do those sorts of things with another being (rare, but a few people do think this way).
So, it's just fine to not want to watch porn as long as you're comfortable with that. Many people do not watch porn for various reasons. I'd guess that the percentages are fairly one-sided with more people liking to view porn than not.
I panic too when attempting to view pornographic videos. I even go as far as to cry because I'm so freaked out by it. Of course, I've had sexual education classes and am sexually active so I haven't been "sheltered" from such acts in life. I still freak out though when seeing video of those sorts of things though!
I know a lot of people enjoy it but it just isn't for me. Maybe it just isn't for you either, but don't worry too much about it right now.
You're young and shouldn't be worrying about sex right now anyway. It sounds like you have your head on your shoulders about things so don't even bother about pornography if you're happy. When sex becomes an issue later on down the road (hopefully when you're married) then you and your partner can discuss your repulsion toward pornographic material. From there you two will hopefully be mature enough to handle the situation properly and when it's time for sex to come you'll be secure and not frightened.
Talk to a parent and let them know that when you were surfing around online that pornographic ads came up. Ask them to fix your pop-up blocker because it bothers you that porn is coming up. It could be that you have a virus of sorts on your computer that is causing these pornographic pop-ups so you may need to purchase a virus detector and eliminator to fix this problem.
In regards to not laughing at sexual comments in school--good for you! Sexual activity is not a laughing matter because serious consequences can result. Making light of sex only worsens the problems with promiscuity--which leads to increased problems with STDS and underage pregnancies. People your age shouldn't be dirty and corrupt enough to throw sexual slang around like it's nothing. The fact that your peers find it amusing is quite disturbing, and I truly hope you have your eyes opened enough to see that.
Any way it is, I just wanted to let you know that it's just fine to not want to watch porn.
I hope you relax and stop worrying about being weird--because you're not. If you have any questions regarding this please feel free to ask me :)
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listen to the other person who answered. this is not that big of a deal. your 14 you shouldn't WANT to watch porn. well some 14 yo do. but i think thats hella weird. i was mature like you. don't worry, when your ready for all of that, you WILL be comfortable. and happy because your with the person you love.
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Don't worry about it. There is nothing
wrong with you at all. Real life is much
different than having it pop up unexpected
on your computer screen.
Like Sunshineshow said before me, a lot
of it was embarrassment. Maybe a little,
OMG I have to get this off my screen before
someone sees it!
I would tell your mom or someone that it
keeps popping up on your screen. You need
something to put a stop to it or it will get
worse. :)
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You might just be embarrassed about that sort of thing. I know I am.
But it doesn't mean you're going to freak out when the real thing is before you.
You seem pretty mature, so I wouldn't be worried if I were you. :)
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