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inspiration
Okay, so I am not fat. I know this...sort of. Just I get self-conscious sometimes because I look in the mirror and see flab and grossness. This is all recently. I feel unworthy I guess for so many reasons so this is just one more.
I weigh 103 pounds and I am 5' 4", and I'm fifteen years old.
So last week I put up pictures of skinny people on my wall as a kind of goal I guess you could say. Well, then I sort of felt guilty about it. Because I'll never be skinny or pretty as them.
Is it bad that I'm using pictures of super-skinny people? Do I have a problem? I don't know. I think there's gotta be something wrong with me that I keep judging myself over everything. But I'm too embarrassed to tell my mom because I told her once that I wanted to talk to someone (like professionally) and she just nodded and never brought it up ever again.
Ugh.
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I completely agree that you need to remove the posters/photos on your wall instantly. You do not need to be staring at photo-shopped women in hopes of magically transforming into something they aren't even.
It is good to be motivated to be HEALTHY but it is not good to be motivated to be thinner and thinner. The models you see do not truly exist, and if they do they are severely malnourished and ill.
According to your BMI (body mass index) you are actually considered quite underweight. Trust me, you are plenty thin enough and you should be trying to gain muscle mass (for weight) instead of losing pounds. You simply do not have fat being this underweight.
Being underweight does have serious health risks as it is. These risks include things like:
Infertility
Osteoporosis
Amenorrhea
Anemia
Type 1 Diabetes
Nutrient Deficiency
Heart Irregularities
Increased risk of Alzheimer's when aging
Depression
The thinner you become, the more likely those things will occur. You may also experience hair loss, fatigue/fainting, color loss, severely weakened immune system, body temperature irregularities, poor physical stamina, headaches, and plenty more symptoms.
Instead of losing weight to improve your physical appearance, gain muscle mass. Muscle will help to tone and firm areas of your body that you may feel has no definition. You will gain weight when gaining muscle because it weighs a lot more than fat does so you shouldn't be concerned when the scale starts to rise a little.
Try to have a well-balanced diet each day, managing the healthiest foods you can find to do this. Take care of your body.
I also highly suggest that you tell your mother again that you feel you should seek professional help for health reasons. You have an unhealthy self-image of yourself that can turn into something horrible very quickly. Sit down with your mother for a long conversation about your concerns and try to help you set a date for an appointment with a therapist before things worsen. I'm sure that if you take the time to express serious concern to your mother about your body-image then she will help you find someone to talk to more seriously with.
Please remove the photos of sickly women for your bedroom walls. You feel bad for a reason--your conscious is screaming at you that you are doing the wrong thing. Please seek help immediately before things worsen dramatically.
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Take those pictures down right now.
Aspiring to be a skeleton will get you nowhere. I'm 5'4" too. I weigh 125 pounds, and I'm actually pretty damn skinny (Of course, my weight is mostly muscle mass, thanks to a close gym, but when I weighed 105 I was a stick). If I'm skinny and you weigh 22 pounds less than me, your problem isn't your weight, it's your mentality.
Those stick-thin skinny models are extremely unhealthy. Seeing all of your ribs? Yeah, actually not such a good thing. By the way, if anything, you're underweight for your height. Your ideal weight at 5'4" is 120. Just throwin' that out there.
The problem you're describing is called Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD). It's actually common among like, everyone nowadays. I had it for awhile, too. Basically, it's where you look in the mirror and see something that's not really there, or that isn't very noticeable. It's kind of the effect of seeing a pimple that, to you, looks like it's the size of your fist, when it's really just a tiny dot.
As far as your mother, you just need to take a deep breath, sit her down, and explain to her what you just told us. You can even throw in the BDD thing. The word "disorder" might make her cave. If you really want to talk to someone, kudos. Most people don't have the balls to admit that they have a problem, let alone seek help for it. The fact that you've recognized that something is wrong puts you a step ahead of most of the nation and a step closer to feeling better about yourself.
BDD sucks bigtime, but you can beat it if you stop beating yourself up. One cute trick I did at my parents' house is to put on some bright red lipstick and kiss your mirror somewhere out of the way. When you see the kiss mark, you'll remind yourself that you're beautiful, you're a great girl, and that you're allowed to love your body.
If you don't work out much and you want to start doing some of that, speedwalking around your neighborhood, or biking are both great places to start. Cardio is great for toning, and it makes you feel good, too.
In the meantime, if you need someone to talk to, or vent to, feel free to IM me - my sn's SirenCytherea.
Chin up. You're gorgeous.
-Siren =)
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Try asking your mom again. Tell her you really want to see a professional to talk to. Make sure she is listening and if she ignores it keep bringing it up.
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