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Chances.
First off, what would be your definition of "fake"? People use that word in so many different ways, that I don't understand what it is anymore.
Anyways,..
This past year, I have lost many of my so called "best friends" over things that I did not do. Lately, people keep screwing me over like crazy. My friends would do the stupidest things and it just makes me think twice, how many chances should I give these people after all of the things that they did to me.
I have major trust issues and it's so hard for me to let go .. but I honestly don't know what to do. I stand up for myself at all times and I feel like I'm too nice sometimes.
I'm emotionally drained from being hurt and I don't know how to take it.
Are second chances always good, even third? Can some people ever change after being so "fake" towards me.
I just need any advice. Thank you.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
'Fake', in my opinion would be: Acting like something you're not to impress others. That, or lying/giving opposite impressions to get something out of it. Basically, being untrue to gain something.
It's common to have 'drama' with friends, but if they're acting badly towards you over things you didn't do, set the record straight! It's not fair to you that they're making accusations/going against you. Also, even if you did do something wrong, don't you believe YOU deserve the second chances, too? It's hard to stand up for yourself, but if someone's wrongfully accusing you, let them know they're, well.. WRONG. You're not being a bad friend if you tell them they're not right, just as long as you're being honest.
It sounds like they're the ones who are messing up more, though. Put yourself in their shoes: Would you think you deserved a second chance? Don't let them by with no talk or anything. Make sure if you're deciding to give them a second chance, that you talk to them about what happened. If they seem remorseful, remember that EVERYONE makes mistakes, it's human nature. However, if they don't seem to really care, tell them what's wrong with it. It's up to you then, whether or not you forgive and forget, but remember that if they don't seem to regret anything, they won't hesitate to do it again.
According to the above 'guilt factor', that should determine how many chances you give. No one's perfect, and if your friends realize what they do is wrong, you should really consider all the chances they need. Some people naturally make more mistakes than others, and some of them would probably be really bothered to lose you as a friend. Then, the others who don't really seem to care, well do they really deserve your friendship? I mean, don't call them out after one strike, but really consider where you are as a friend to them, and how your life would be without them. If it seems better, kind of shy away, or try to fix the problems.
The ones who you really have as good friends will show their true colors, and if these people don't seem to 'shine' at all, think about if they're really improving your life at all. Get the best for yourself, because that's what you deserve!
XOXO
KAT.
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your living my life. every word you wrote is how i feel too. My boyfriend cheated on me. My so call "friend" stole my skittles,lip gloss,and phone and made out with my boy friend.my best friend used to do was insult me.I could go on.When your friends lie,cheat,steal,get drunk, get high, or hurt you they shouldn't have a second chance. I'm not saying don't forgive them. Just forgive and forget them. Until, you find someone who treats you right. Haven't you heard fool me once same on you, fool me twice same on me.
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When I use the word "fake" to describe people [though I rarely do], I usually mean the person isn't being themselves. Like, for example, just last night I saw one of my former friends who I really do not like and who really does not like me. But she came up and hugged me and started talking as if we were best friends. To me, that's fake, because I know she doesn't like me, yet she pretended to anyways. Get what I'm saying?
And, as far as losing friends go, it's going to happen. There's nothing you can do to stop it, but it's not always a bad thing. I myself believe everything happens for a reason, and for every friend you lose, eventually there's a new friend you gain. And sometimes, or at least for me, the friends you gain are A LOT better for you than the friends whom you've lost ever were.
-Laura. (16-f)
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I have, somewhat still have, the same problem. Just start choosing your friends more wisely. I'm now all of a sudden best friends with someone who is so much more quiet than me, and I never thought in a million years that I would be friends with someone like her.
I know what you mean about feeling to nice. Just don't let them take advantage of you. Let yourself stand your own ground.
Try keeping a journal about your feelings, it helps me a lot.
Second chances AREN'T always good. Third is bad. If they mess up once, they're liable to do it again, and again, and you don't need that. If it's something small, forgive them. If it hurt your feelings a lot and say it's the third chance, move on.
Some people change from being fake, but most don't.
My definition of fake:
"Someone who tries to be something their not. Someone who is so two faced they will do anything to hurt someone else. Someone who acts so nice to you than they're so cruel to someone else it always makes you wonder what they say about you when you aren't around. Someone who all in all, tries WAY to hard to fit in."
hope i helped. let me know.
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