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Should I just back off?
I am best friends with a guy (we'll call him Bob) and recently he got a girlfriend and I find myself being outrageously jealous at times.
Well nowadays I tend to get angry very easily at Bob. For instance, if I text him and he doesn't text me back, I get mad and send him an even angrier text. If I'm having a problem, and go to him for comfort and advice, a lot of times he will brush me off and say that he can't possibly fix anything.
Before he got his girlfriend, I felt like he was always there for me and we talked pretty much non stop. Now, if I'm not the one texting him, I'll be lucky to hear from him once a week.
Do I have a right to be angry? How can I tell him that I'm feeling very hurt without sounding nasty?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I personally do think you have the right to be angry, at this point. Perhaps he could be busy lately (since a girlfriend is a HUGE commitment/time consuming), but he could still send a text your way sometimes, or something. It's completely okay for you to assume he's ignoring you or something like that, and to expect him to still act like he used to.
However, that could be difficult for him. Depending on how close you guys were, it may seem 'wrong' in his mind to be communicating with you the way he used to, since his girl friend could get annoyed. That doesn't excuse him from actually helping you through tough times or just asking 'what's up', though.
Don't let this get to you, though! It's difficult, but you have to try to be calm in this situation. If you're sending him angry texts, he may not really want to text back at this point. Try to be calm and ask if he could PLEASE text back, because you miss talking. Since you guys aren't talking much, as is, it might be good to let him know exactly how you're feeling--I doubt it could hurt much. Just let him know over a text or message or AIM that it's upsetting you that you're not talking as much, and you'd like to know why. Also, just ask him how he dosen't really help anymore. Is he angry at you? Did something happen? Tell him to be honest.
You won't sound nasty, as long as you keep yourself CALM, and ready to hear what he has to say. He'll see that you're being mature and it will make him more willing to actually talk about things.
Also, maybe you could try talking to his girlfriend a little. Not asking questions about this, but on a casual friend basis, if possible? This would make it more easy for him to be able to talk to you, since his girlfriend knows/trusts you. Try it out, it could help!
By the way--Do you know if he liked you at all, beforehand? It sounds a bit like that, in a way. The fact that he was SO close to you, and got a girlfriend and stopped just kind of stands out.. But I could be wrong (Just an observation).
Best of luck, and I hope this has helped!
XOXO
KAT.
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I think you're right to be angry, but you shouldn't be texting him saying mean things. That could be a reason he's not talking to you as much.
The only thing you can do, is tell him what you told us. That he's your best friend, but lately you feel like he's sort of dumping you for his girlfriend or whatever. Just tell him that he's the one you go to for advice, and now that he's not there, you have nobody to go to.
Just be honest and open with him, and hopefully he'll understand and make an effort to make things better.
-Laura. (16-f)
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I think that you have a right to be angry. After all, he's your best friend and is abandoning you for someone else. While I don't think it would be normal for him to continue speaking to you as much as he did pre-girlfriend (because a girlfriend is a major commitment), going from 24/7 to once a week at best is a huge step down.
You should ask him if he wants to hang out. Let him pick the day, time, and place. And when you're together mention that you miss hanging out so often. Chances are he's so wrapped up in the moment with his girlfriend that he hasn't had the chance to realize just how little time he has spent with you.
One of my best friends started dating her current boyfriend over three years ago. It was difficult for me to deal with not having her constantly with me anymore. But when I told her I missed hanging out, she said she felt the same. So we decided to devote a specific time twice a week when we would go out to dinner, hang out, etc. just the two of us.
Basically, now that he has a girlfriend things will be different. But that doesn't mean that he should ignore you. Talk to him. I wish you the best. (and I'm sorry if this sounds like I'm babbling!)
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