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boy trouble
so i know this sounds like i\'m being totally used but i really don\'t think i am. so just read this.
i met a guy online he\'s 22 and i\'m 17. we talked online for a few weeks and then i gave him my number and we talked like all the time for a few months. the whole time he was talking about how he wanted to meet me but i was like i don't know. eventually i agreed to meet him and he picked me up and brought me to his house.. not very smart on my part i know but nothing bad happened.
since then we've had sex and its very good but i feel really guilty since he's older and i don't think thats legal and if my dad found out he would kill me. ive tried to tell him that i don't think we should talk anymore but every time i do i'll go a few days without talking to him and it's like unbareable.
so yeah but thats not the biggest problem. he says he loves me and i know that most guys his age have bad intentions with girls my age but he\'s put up with so much from me that i really think he means it. and isn\'t just like using me for sex because i\'m the one who made the first move even tho he was probably thinking about it. he says he loves me and i\'m the most perfect girl he\'s ever met and that he wants to stay with me forever and have kids and blah blah blah....
i don\'t know.. i mean i like him and he's always really sweet to me and i think he's attractive but i don\'t think i love him... and i know i don\'t want to marry him and he's talked about it some and i\'m like woah. so basically what i\'m looking for is any opinions on my situation. like what i should do or what you think or whatever.
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The good news is that what you are doing is not illegal.
The bad news is that no matter how hard you try you two can't be on the same chapter in your lives.
This is problem with teens dating twenty somethings. It's not the number of years that is the problem, it's the life experience and desires that those years bring.
He is ready to think about each girl he meets as possible marriage material. That makes sense. He is 22. He probably wants to get married in the next 2 to 5 years, ideally.
You are seventeen. You shouldn't be thinking about each guy you date as marriage material! You should still be dating around a bit and figuring out what you want from a partner. PLUS You have a shit load of other things to figure out first... high school... maybe college... then a job and how you would like to live your independent life. Marriage might be in your plans, but it's a vague 5 to 10 year plan at best.
So you see, your life plans just don’t match up right now. They can’t.
That doesn’t make either of you bad people. That just makes you bad for eachother.
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First, make sure you're VERY careful if you guys are still hooking up! It may be consensual, but he could still get in a ton of trouble for that, depending on what the law is for minors in your state.
He sounds like a really sweet guy, in my opinion. However, some girls are a little uncomfortable with that, or he could be moving a little too quickly emotionally. It sounds like he's moving a TON faster than you are. It may have to do with him being older, but then again, everyone's different aswell.
Just make sure he knows how you feel! It's not fair to him to just kind of be like "Okay.." With no reasoning, or to have him believe that you feel the same way, because his feelings will only go further. Be straightforward, and tell him that you think he's moving a little quickly. If he actually loves you, he'll be willing to slow down, and give you time to fall for him aswell. You could always try to hint at it, but there's no guarentee that he'll understand what you're getting at/you'll cover everything. Just have one time set aside for a conversation to get EVERYTHING out. It makes everything a lot easier.
After this, ask yourself some questions. How was his reaction? Can you see yourself in love with him in the future? Would you be able to go without him? Will things get better? Etc. If your answers seem positive, try to stick it out. If you're unsure of things however, ask to take a little bit of a break. Just make sure he gets a say in things, so that it's all fair and everything, since he seems to really be into you!
Good luck, and I really hope things work out for you!
XOXO
KAT!
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i dont think its illegal for you guys to have sex.. depending on your state laws in my state you have to be 16.. but he may not be using you it sounds like he just really likes you, if you dont love him back you should tell him how you really feel and see what happens from there. its not fare that he loves you and you dont love him and your keeping that from him
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I think you should talk to him about it.
He sounds like a real genuine guy that's willing to talk if you want to talk about things with him.
Tell him to slow down because you don't want to marry him or whatever.
Try not to beat around the bush or hint around. Because more likely than not, it's going to confuse him. Just get straight to your point. Then actually talk about it.
cheers,
stargirl
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