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Ugh,annoying overly-christian parents!
We have a little family bible worship service each Saturday, against my will. We just read through Proverbs and lately the chapters we've been reading have this "child discipline" things in them . Like " Spare the rod; spoil the child." It's friggin driving me CRAZY! My parents always choose those verses when we come to the part where we are supposed to share what we felt was the important verse to us out of the things we read. (we read one verse ech.) Each time my dad cracks some joke like "yeah, take out the rod!" and my mom babbles on about how it's right and every parent should discipline and BLAH BLAH BLAH!In front of me! And lots of time directed to me!My parents they I should always obey an do what they want.They actually SAY it like that." YOu should always obey no matter what because we're more experienced." I mean, don't get me wrong, I am christian but why do they force me to do things I don't wanna. Like days I'd rather not go to church. I'm even going to CHRISTIAN school. If I tell them I don't wanna go to THAT certain school they threaten to take me out of that school and put me in these very hard schools.. ( I go to an international school and I live in Asia. In the place I live, the country's schools are VERY difficult.) They also just go "God has't touched you yet. I was just as unfaithful and Godless as you when I was young" And those DISCIPLINE and sexual parts! Don't they think I'd be embarrassed! I mean, excuse me, I'm a kid! I don't wanna here about how I should get hit by a rod! (my parents don't hit me, btw.) Don't they think I'd be embarrassed?! I always get mad after these worhsip meetings and my annoying mom always shout " What's wrong with you? The devil provoked you right after the worhsip meeting!" What is she, a friggin priest? I mean the devil? What the freak? UGH! 13/f
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Wow.
Ok, sit down. Settle in. Maybe get something to drink. This is going to take a while.
Oh, and a sidenote, don't be offended if I talk bad about Christians. I'm allowed to, I was raised catholic.
I'll start with your parents behavior. Why they act like they do. Because their parents did to them what your going through now, and because neither of them were intelligent enough to question it.
It would take a while to fully explain, but most religions primary method of getting new members is by birth. Its easier to make a child believe in God than an adult, so they use family units to base life around the religion. "Parents teach your kids to love god or you're bad parents" is a common message of the church. Christianity more than any other religion is also very very hardcore about making sure parents raise kids in the religion. The catholic church makes you sign an agreement that you will raise the kids catholic if you get married in the church.
Add into that, your parents are religious. Religious people think that everything is bad. In their own twisted, backwards, incredibly unhealthy way, theyre trying to protect you. Keep that in mind over the next 5-6 years, because I can promise that you will end up hating them at some point.
Now, we address you. You (don't get a big head) are more intelligent than the average. Most people don't question things taught from a very young age. Its a mark of higher intellect that you question things. Thats why you look at them like they're crazy when they say "you should just always obey us". You arent stupid enough to believe your parents infallible, and you don't want to have to do what they say when they are wrong, but they see it differently.
Etc etc etc.
So, heres what the next several years are going to be like. You are going to have to fight tooth and nail for any privledge you want. You are going to have to teach yourself to be responsible, because Christian parents don't teach that. They just tell you not to end up in a situation and give you no tools to deal with the world if you end up in it anyway. Sex... well all I'll say is that you're old enough to at least know the basics, best suggestion I have is go visit coolnurse.com and read the entire website.
Your parents are going to try to treat you like you're 11 for as long as they possibly can. They will endevor to maintain hold over you as long as humanly possible. Past high school and into college, past college if they can. In their minds, controlling your life that long only means that they're loving and attentive.
Once again, keep in mind that your parents are borderline crazy. You can't hate crazy people for being crazy, and you can't always argue rationally with them. Just do your best to love them and understand that there are things about you that they will never fully understand.
So, your options. Two, as I see.
1) The quiet rebel. Have your fun, learn your lessons, do what you want to do, never get caught. Difficult, but possible. Now, I'm not advocating going and getting yourself into alot of trouble, but with religious parents this is as simple as not letting them know what you believe about life, about their points of view, just put on the "perfect little girl" act and be your own person when you aren't around them.
2) The vocal rebel. I can't say I recommend this one. I have tried talking to, reasoning with, arguing with, etc, my parents. I have tried to show them where they were wrong, Ive tried to get them to understand things about me and about life, Ive tried it all. My parents never came around, and we don't talk much anymore.
I was quiet until college. Then I became pretty vocal. My parents were too far gone in their beliefs to be movable though. They're the kind of people who never questioned what they were told, from day 1. Well, my mother was a long time ago, but I think my father pretty much crushed any hint of individuality there was in that woman years ago.
Once you hit college, if you keep it under control and don't get found out to be a heretic or something, you can keep going along or simply remove their control. You don't have to argue, simply refuse to "obey" anymore and let them assume that youre an independent perfect christian girl.
Last thing, focus on school. I know thats probably almost cliche, but being a good student will give them less to bitch about, and will stand you in good stead for your future. One of the absolute easiest ways to get parents like yours to back off later is by being good enough to get into a great college. Great college means moving out immediately, which means full freedom at 18.
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I know that it is hard for you to deal with your parents being very christain, but you just have to remember that it is their beliefs. It might feel like they are putting a lot of pressure on you. Trust me, I know what that feels like. Unfortunately, there is really nothing you can do about it. Your parents are obviously very strong in their beliefs, and I can tell that they are only doing what they think is best for you. Try talking to them. Just tell them how you feel. It may be hard, and I guarantee that they won't be too happy about it, but they really do need to know how it makes you feel when they say or do things like that. Also, try to look for outside support, like talking to your friends or another family member about it. It would be easier to deal if you had support with other family and friends. I have found that it is so much easier to deal if you have someone to vent to. Hope it helps!! Good luck =]
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sigh* this is difficult! I think you should go through your Bible and find some support for how you feel.. Obviously your parents only respond on Christian terms so you have to do things by their terms and still manage to win them over. It will take some work but who knows, maybe it'll help.
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