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Polyamory?
Exactly how does one know they are polyamorous? Is it just a cop-out term to justify cheating, or is it a real condition?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Cheating is defined as going outside the sexual or intimacy boundaries set down in the relationship. If kissing someone else isn't ok, then doing that is cheating.
Polyamory is when you have few or no boundaries there, and so its not cheating at all. The trick to it, is that polyamorous people in those kinds of relationships, it has to be co-operation. Both people have to want that.
But yes, it is real.
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I don't think it is quite right to say you that you can know that you are polyamorous, the same way you can know that you are homosexual.
Sexual attraction is something we can't control or choose for ourselves. The relationships we choose to be in is something we can control and choose. Our personal definition of love is under our complete control. We can choose how we love other people and define and limit that loving relationship.
I know there are some people who identify as being polyamorous who believe they were just 'born that way' but I honestly don't agree with that. It might be their personal preference, but we aren't 'born' knowing how we will choose to related to human beings romantically and define our relationships. To say you were born polyamorous is like saying you were born racist… Relating to people, either loving them or hating them, is a learned behavior. Not one you are born with. We know that human neurology isn’t like that.
Is it a cop-out? It certainly could be used that way, but I think there is a distinction to be made between people who simply are romantically in love with more then one person at once, and people who choose to live a polyamorous life style and have that arrangement with their partners.
People who are in love with more then one other person, are, by definition, polyamorous, but they are not necessarily living their lives that way or being honest about their feelings. If they are cheating, they are cheating and betraying and lying to partners. Period. They might say they are polyamorous, but that is no excuse or explanation for their bad behavior. If they have lied and betrayed, then they have lied and betrayed. No explanation will change or justify that.
The other kind of polyamorous person would be honest with any partner from the beginning about their belief and interest in being romantically in love with more the one person at once.
So you see, it’s not really the difference between a polyamorous person and a monogamous person that is the most important aspect, it’s the difference between a liar and a truthful person.
Well, and of course, what YOU want in a relationship arrangement. That is most important thing to know and be honest about.
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pertaining to partipation in multiple and simultaneous loving or sexual relationships.
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Good question,
It would be my contention that until recent times, man has not been monogamous, where women, (for the most part), have been so. Until reliable birth control, women it seems to me, had made little demands on their husbands to be "faithful". The reason being, they did not want to get pregnant, they were more then willing to let others take that risk. Is there a difference between a condition and a habit? Can you erase thousands of years of this kind of behavior in a mater of generations? It doesn't help when we have attitudes like, "oh, he's just sowing his wild oats", or we excuse such behavior as, "that's just the way guys are". Or the father that give his son the ataboy when he scores with the good looking cheerleader. Is it a condition, one could argue that.
Thanks for the thought provoking question, Be well.
I find it interesting that you ask a question that is not advise, but opinion. Yet you rate that OPINION and do so with such a mediocre rating. If you are going to ask such questions, don't rate them. I will not make the mistake of answering an opinion question again
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