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My Husband has been lying about visiting lnternet porn
Have been married for 24 years and happily (Female). We have a great sex life,lots of varied, fantasy even porn often initiated by me, but my husband love to go along and always has. I have found that he has been going to Porn sites sometimes daily, even after we have had sex. I guess I can understand this and live with it on the one hand, but it does make me feel a little inadequate (Actually I'm a pretty well kept and hot good looking 45 year old) What really bothers me is that I gentle confronted him a number of times, saying that I look at porn does he? Even taking him to some sites together that I know he has been to, during sex play. He refuses to admit that he looks at porn. What does this mean? What should I do?
He's lying and that hurts
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Okay, my 2 cents:
A lot of men like to maintain a private fantasy life. They may be getting more a$$ that a toilet seat, but they'll still go look at pictures of pretty women that they have no chance of meeting in real life. It doesn't mean he finds you less attractive, it's just that he likes a little variety in his mind's eye. You say that your sex life is satisfying, so he's obviously not letting his consumption of porn interfere with that.
The root of the problem is his lying. Why is he doing it? He may not want to offend you with his personal tastes, or be trying to maintain the image of 'enlightened, sensitive husband who doesn't look at other women'.
I would confront him gently: tell him you know he looks at porn, and that he doesn't have to hide it from you, but you don't appreciate him lying to you about it. The consequences for future lying I'll leave up to you. :-)
Hope this helps.
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First of all, I would certainly not take it personally if your husband is looking at porn; meaning, don't think he is doing it because you have let yourself go, you are no longer 21, etc. You have stated that you are quite a nice looking 45 year old and good for you. Porn is not one of those things that people only look at because what they are living with and sleeping next to is a hideous grave monster.
You are happily married, still have an active, varied sex life, and share porn in your sexual activities. You are clearly okay with the idea of porn so that is not an issue (some women are quite anti-porn and finding out that their hubby is visiting it is horrifying to them).
The fact that he is "lying" about visiting porn sites should be handled delicately. You did not mention in the history how or why you know 100% certain that he is visiting these sites but assuming he is... he may be embarassed about it. Whether you admit your interest in it or not, he may be embarassed to admit he goes there without you. I am not sure I would really consider this "lying" unless he is having online sex chat sessions or getting more involved with porn than is healthy for your marriage.
If it is bothering you that much as it seems to be, gently ask him why "I am aware that you visit these sites and I am okay with it... but I just want to know why you won't admit it? Are you embarassed? Do you chat with someone online? Please be open with me".
If it really doesn't bother you too much, just accept the fact that you both individually visit porn sites and he is uncomfortable mentioning to you he visits them alone. He may not be as open to discussing issues with sex as you.
If this becomes a really serious issue, it may be necessary for you to research an SAA (sex addicts annonymous) organization near you or contemplate meetings. I believe there are even organizations that help with porn addictions though I do not know what their actual names are. A google search would probably help you out.
The bottom line... You are in the minority in that you have been married for 24 years and still admit to being happy and having an active sex life. GOOD FOR YOU!!! Take pride in that. If your husband won't admit he looks at porn even though the two of you go to it together and you look at it yourself, I would recommend trying to push it out of your mind. I don't think he is "lying" to be malicious to you or hurt you in any way. Again, he isn't looking at the women thinking "if only my homely wife looked as good as these girls". Sexuality is has a very strong pull on our society. Look at all the male actors who have been married to super models and still been caught in the back seat of their cars with prostitutes! It is nothing personal to you that you should be offended.
Congratulations on your happy marriage (we hit 10 a while back and we are happy too *smile*) and best of luck to you.
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Maybe he lies because he's embarrassed or ashamed by it.
I suppose you could just flat out tell him you know he watches it instead of beating around the bush about it. Perhaps that will get him to be more open with you about it.
Don't feel inadequate unless it starts interfering with your sex life. If it ever does start to interfere, then you are having to compete porn, and that is when you have problems.
ygs-30/f
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