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Hurt by both of my parents (but especially mom)
16/f. I feel extremely hurt right now. Ok, so my mom basically defends my dad in any situation whatsoever, even if he's wrong. That includes defending him in fights between me and him. I used to get into a lot of fights with my parents but now that's kind of been reduced because I've learned to not overreact to things and just to be the better person in the situation. My dad gets into a lot of cranky moods. He'll be really nice sometimes and cranky other times. My mom knows he's always cranky and admits it. The thing is, he always takes his moods out on me-almost on a daily basis. When he does that, I kind of talk back (not fight), which, as a person with feelings, I think I have the right to do when someone picks on me for no reason. So, he just picks these fights with me all the time when I never did anything. Once, in a blue moon, but not very often, though, I'll admit that maybe I'm the one who starts a fight (but what teenager doesn't fight with their parents?) In cases like these, my mom steps right in to defend my dad. Trust me, she gets FULLY involved and gets even more mad at me than my dad is. But that doesn't happen real often. However, when my dad picks these almost daily fights with me, she NEVER EVER defends me and even finds little ways to defend my dad. I'll go to her after the fact, when my dad's not around and be like, "why does dad vent his moods out on me every day?" and she'll be like "he's cranky, just ignore him" So, clearly she agrees that he's not treating me well. So she without fail defends my dad when it's my fault, but never defends me, when it's (more often) his. Oh and also, he's moody to her a lot to and she doesn't do anything about it. Plus, he's even cranky to my friends and one is even afraid to call our house anymore. Today, I talked to my mom about the situation and asked her why she never defends me. She was like, "I'm not getting involved in your fights with him" and then I said "you get involved in the rare occasion that it's my fault" and she had no answer. Another thing she said was, "He's the adult, you're the child". And she just kept on saying "don't drag me into this." It really hurts me that she fails to see that even though I'm a "child" I have feelings too. And it really hurts me that she never ever defends me and I'm her DAUGHTER! She doesn't care about my feelings. She must be afraid of him somehow but, I don't know why and I don't know why she's always (since I was born) doing this.
So, what are your thoughts, and more importantly, what in the world should I do about my mom? (Sorry it was long)
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welll what you need to do is sit your mom down and don;t yell or loose your temper just talk to her and how you feel. make sure she knows how you do fell and then talk to your dad. tell hom that he always picks fights and make sure you mention about your friend that doens't even want to call your house anymore. that should get your point across and just make sure oyu stay calm and tell him everything you fell. best of luck.
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Hi,
I know what you feel about having a dad who's a complete jerk. My dad was like that but luckily my mom always defended me. They fought a lot about how he was treating me and my siblings when they were married. Now they're divorced. Anyways I think you should try one more time to talk to you mom. Say "Mom it hurts that you see me getting picked on and you don't help or support me. You let him walk all over me and don't say a word,unless its to break me down more. I feel helpless because you only see me as the child. I still have feelings. I'm not trying to be disrespectful but I feel like I'm getting attacked all the time, and it's tiring." If that doesn't work then do what I did. Avoid both of your parents like the plague for as much as possible,unless you absolutely have to talk to either of them. Go over to you friends house. Eat your dinner in your room. And if you have to eat dinner with them then eat really fast and get up. Spend whatever time you have to spend at home with him in your room. Only speak to him when spoken to. If he starts a fight. Just be placating. Like if he says 'Why is your room a mess' say "Sorry i'll clean it up." you don't have to support his thoughts or ideas the point is to survive living in a house with two annoying adults.If your mom refuses to help you. Only spend time with your mom if you have to. Like if she's taking you clothes shopping by what you need to and get out of the stores as fast as possible. Oh also try getting a job. You can get out of the house and save money for the day you turn 18.
hope this helped.
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This really sounds a lot like my teenage years. My dad is an increadibly irrational person and he used to do the same thing. Of course since I was the youngest of the children anything I said back was just being being unappreciative and lippy according to my siblings. The only trick I've ever found that worked is try to stay calm the whole time, and think up a point they can't defend.
As for your mom, I could say for sure why she does what she does, but it's very possible that she doesn't want to fully accept that your dad has his faults. It's a very commen thing for a couple to simply ignore what's wrong about the each other for the sake of staying together. It's not healthy but it does happen. It's probably been happening for a long time now but now that you're involved it's finally being dragged in to the light and your mom probably just doesn't know how to handle it. In my opinion at least, you should try talking to your mom about it more, and keep insisting about it until you find out more and you get her to understand your side. That or just wait it out until you can move out. Second one worked for me.
I hope this helped. If you need anything feel free to contact me. Us bullied children gotta stick together ^_^
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