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the tape...
my boyfriend.. who i love so much. and been best friends with for 6 years but we have only been dating for about a year. hes had wayyyy more relationships than me, and with one girl he decided to make a sex tape. he keeps it. i told him i didnt like that. i dont get why he has to have it if hes not with her and he doesnt watch it. yet he brings it up all the time in jokes and stuff. so its not out of mind. im afraid if this relationship goes further he wont get rid of it. should i even want him to get rid of it? i just dont understand why he still has it. and its not like were engaged ot anything.. wev talked about it. but were not currently. if i do ask him to get rid of it when should i and what should i say?? i dont want to ruin our relationship over a stupid tape but i feel he should just be over it and theres no reason to keep it. any help please, thanks so much.
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If you don't feel comfortable with it then you really should talk to him about it. Talk to him about it and let him know that you really do not like the fact that he has this tape, especially with another girl. Let him know that it makes you feel as though he isn't completely over her.
Hope I Helped.
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if he loves you & is over her, then he should get rid of the tape & is insanely immature for wanting to keep it.
he shouldn't be holding a part of their past, especially while you guys are dating.
& he may tell you that he's not watching this video, when really you have no idea what he's doing when you aren't around.
you need to tell him that you don't appreciate him still holding on to that.
that's definately something he needs to be getting rid of.
& if he refuses, then i'm sorry dear, he's just not being respectful of your feelings or anything.
& he may just not be the person for you. if any guy truly loved you, he would repsect your feelings.
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Girl it is wrong of him to keep that tape, and he knows it especially if he is talking about engagement with you. If he cares about how you feel, then he should of got rid of it a long time ago. But don't let him throw it out over an argument though. Let him throw it out because he wants to. You need to get how you feel inside his head. You know what I would do? I would steal the tape and hide it. Then when he starts freaking out about it, you can really get some information on how he feels about everything then. I guarantee it. Good luck, girl.
Vickki
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I have to agree with you on this one: It would be a good thing for him to destroy the tape.
Pornography of total strangers is one thing, but a tape of a past lover is a risky, souvenir and could cause her (and him) a lot of embarrassment and pain. Better that the thing be destroyed before it is stolen by a meddling friend, displayed during drunken revelries, or stumbled onto by accident.
Now that doesn't mean you go out and tell him "Throw it out!" or even ask it to get rid of it. It only means you should share your feelings and reasoning with him VERY clearly.
1.) It makes you a bit uncomfortable.
2.) It could be making her a bit uncomfortable for all he knows.
3.) It is risky (See note on druken reveleries)
4.) He will always have the memory of it, and can always brag and joke about it if he wants too, even if he gets rid of the tape. He still has bragging rights and always will sooo...
5.) The only reason to keep it is for his personal enjoyment of possessing the thing.
I don't think, and I would bet you would agree, that his personal enjoyment of owning the thing outweighs the fact that this will make almost any girl he dates uncomfortable (Shit, I'm a crazy open minded person, and even I don't like this!) and the fact that it could be very damaging, disrespectful and stressful for HER to know it still exists.
It would be mature, in my opinion, to realize that the risks and bad feelings outweigh his own happiness in possessing it.
After you tell him your opinion, just sit back and listen to his. Don't argue. Explain to him that you think the tape should go, but it's his tape so he can do what he wants with it. You just needed to be clear about your opinion on the matter.
He might not agree with you. If he doesn’t the only thing you can do is take a deep breath and decide if you can happily date someone who still owns a tape of him fucking his ex.
If you can, and want to keep dating him, you’ll have to forgive and let this go.
If you can’t let this go and don’t want to be with someone who thinks that keeping something like that is okay, then you need to break up.
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