|
My son!
Hello,
My son is 15 and he's always been a ''rebel''.
Me and my husband are relaxed with him, so if he wants piercings, we let him get them...but we defenetly don't let him drink or smoke.
The other day I found out that he had been having sex with his two year girlfriend. It isn't like our family believes in ''no sex before marriage'' but it was kind of shocking to me because I always though that he would wait until he was (at least) 16.
He has been out a lot lately and yesterday he came home with an eyebrow piercing. I am not against piercings at all, in fact, I love them, but he didn't even tell me that he was going to get one.
It seems to me that he's not communicating with us anymore, and he sent me a text this morning, asking whether he could go get drunk with some friends. Now, I am defenetly against drinking...but I know he will do it anyway, even if I say no!
He smokes ''socially'' as he told me, I don't approve but I cannot do anything about it. He's always been a popular boy, but I want to know how I can make him talk to us more, trust us and also, not get drunk whenever he goes out!
What do you think I should be doing?
What are some punishments I could use?
And just advice how I could feel better?
Thank you.
PS! He gets mostly A's in school, some B's and he doesn't spend his time at home on the computer or playing video games...or watching TV. He spends his free time at home playing guitar, writing songs for his band and so on...so he's not a lousy student.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
The best thing you can do for your son is to keep him educated, and TRUST HIM.
I'm 20/f, but when I was fifteen, I could drink all my friends under the table. My parents knew - they never approved either, but they trusted my judgment.
They knew they had raised an intelligent, responsible girl, and that they could trust me not to harm myself.
Let him rebel.
When you tell a child "no, you can't," they want to more. Not to be sexist, but it's true moreso for boys than it is for girls, generally.
Your son sounds like an intelligent person, and a talented one at that. You obviously care about him, and yes, letting go is difficult, but you have to remember he's growing up and (obviously) has to make his own decisions.
You have every right to tell him you wish he would talk to you more, but you have to respect his decision either way. If you respect him, he'll respect you, and thank you for being lenient with him later in life.
As I said, now I'm 20. I've tried pot, I've been drunk, and now I know that I like wine, not hard liquor, and I like hugs, not drugs, and I tell my mother everything - because she taught me from a very young age that she was open to hearing anything, that she would listen to me, and that she respected me. (Of course, teaching him that he can tell you anything may lead to you hearing some things you don't want to, but that's a risk you should be willing to take.)
So, in summary, love, trust, and respect make up any great relationship, including familial.
I hope your son chooses to be more open with you, since you seem so concerned about it, but he's a kid - he'll learn. Maybe the hard way, maybe not, but either way, he'll figure out that he can talk to you, and that will end up being the most important thing.
Good luck!
-Siren =)
]
I'm 15, female, and I thought you might like to know someone's point of view from a similar age?
Lots of my friends are like your son, despite being intelligent. They're all good natured, they do well, but they do have the odd bad habit. The problem is, it's always going to be hard to control teenagers. I myself am not interested in drinking or social smoking, but I have a boyfriend and have been with him for a year. If my parents knew that we were considering sex they would be very shocked too - I'd probably be kicked out! (They're not so laid back as you sound. I obey or I walk :)) The problem is when you've been in a relationship for a long time with someone and when you're our age you're inevitably interested in that sort of thing, and also, whether adults think its real or not, I really do love my boyfriend. When you know you have something like that with someone it's kind of inevitable that it could happen. There's little control anyone could have over that, apart from making sure its safe and dealt with maturely. I guess you just have to be thankful for the fact that he wasn't one those 13 year old sexually active to-be fathers. :)
Does he drink alot, do you think? Alot of teenagers drink more responsibly than parents think. I've only ever got drunk once and I told my mum - she didn't mind too much, it's my dad whose the real figure of authority - and I have to say, it was reasonably okay but I wouldn't make a habit out of it. Your son sounds like he's mature enough and hard working. I guess he just wants to live a little in his teen years which he can't really be blamed for :)
I think, if I was asked to stop drinking/smoking by my parents, I'd most likely do it if they approached me in an un-authoritarian manner, and also without being patronizing. For a start, could you ask him, from the heart, that you know you can't stop him but ask him to be responsible. Teenagers try and get away with anything! The Best parents in the world are unlikely to stop this behaviour altogether. Once we've had a taste of that kind of stuff it is very hard to stop.
As for him being distant, the fact he's told you he does these things probably signifies he's comfortable with you knowing which is just the opposite of distance. Just make sure you communicate well with him!!
I have no idea if you'll find this helpful or not. I'm not sure if I even answered the question!!!
But I very much hope I helped :)
]
First off all - Your kid is his own person OBVIOUSLY so you're right. Even if you told him not to get drunk, he'd do it anyway. A good way to have him trust you is to say things like "You know that I don't approve of you drinking, but I know you're going to do it anyways. Please just have a designated driver and be safe." Something like that so he knows you're not trying to get too nosey or "mom-ish" but at the same time, he'll know he can come to you with things and know you're not going to freak out.
As for the sex - Simply tell him to use protection.
:]
]
well you are the mother....you could do something about all of this...parents and their children will always argue its what happens. But the kids get over it and in the long run they learn from it. I say you should put your foot down. You need to let him know that with his freedoms becomes his responsibilities. It works both ways. Sit him down and talk with him. And if he starts freaking out, remember to not lose your cool. Dont raise your voice and dont let him go any where until he settles down and listens. And maybe as a punishment you could tell him that if he cant take his responsibilities to heart and know where the line is, then he cant play in his band for one week or something.
-hayley
]
More Questions: |