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My boyfriend's in a deppression hole,what should I do to hel
Ok... So My Boyfriend has some.. family problems with his older brother/guardian....like Incessant rape? I can't take it anymore I've been understanding about it and since I live so far away I can't do anything to stop it but talk to my boyfriend and comfort him when he's depressed. Some of my other friends call me "the fortune cookie" because I'll change completely from a hyper bubbly girl to someone who seems as if they're reading off of fortune cookies!
Countless times I've talked him out of suicide and harming himself, I've even gotten him to stop taking drugs and drinking.
But It seems I've run out of things to say to comfort him, and today I asked him what was wrong.
"My life." was his answer.
I tried to explain it as shattered glass, to relate to how he was feeling. but if anything I think I made him worse off.
So not only does it depress me to see him depressed, to know he lies about how he feels so I won't worry, but him lying just makes me worry more.
I've often said to myself, " How's it feel to know everything you do never matters at all? "
When we first met he said I'd leave just like everyone else in his life, but here I am...a little over a year later! and as each day goes by, no matter how much I love him I'm beginning to think that maybe I've made his life worse off?
So what should I do?
I'm open to any suggestions
because if it's able to make him happy I'm willing to do anything...
I say what I mean and I mean what I say, so I hope you can do the same to help me before I crack and go back to my own ways before he made my life happier...
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Get some Niacin you can get it at any GNC or vitamin shop.
It is why suicidal patients get better. Look it up.
Its your only option Most people will be totally cured from depression im a matter of weeks.
I have tried every thing there is and this is the only thing that works.
Dont stop taking it. With out Niacin it is impossible to get better.
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hello im austin straka im 15 not that good with words but i can in many ways relate to your bf ive had 3 suicide attempts this year hospitalised for each one i know what hes going through what he needs is somone to talk to no not a proffesional somone like you im sure your opinion means more to him than any other person in his life im not gana lie ive been through many proffesional help things they dont help only freinds really can help i wont lie to you i even with my freinds still feel my problems as we speak im close to losing it just let him know how much people care be there for him is all you can do hes very lucky to have people who actually care well tell me how u guys work out
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okay i think that you are in a way in the middle situation. my name is michaela. i havent really gone through alot of what he has. i am hid in my religion.. i mean i go to church and pray alot when something is going on. but well i think that you should find a way to get him out of there. it could get bad. but i dont think that you are running out of ideas.. you jsut have lost them and cant find them... i think the best way to say something to comfort him is not by planning what to say to him but when something happens say it from your heart. you may be stuck but remember that well idk if u do but in a way that you love him. and if it hurts you to see him hurt then let him know how much you care by telling him. tell him you love him if you are ready to and tell him how proud you are that he has gone through all of what has gone on and that he is strong at heart and that even if he feels that he isnt and he has tried to long and is getting no where that he has you in his life and that you know that you will always be there and how you would feel it he did suicide or died. he is strong stronger than he thinks.. he just has to find his strength.god doesnt give us anything we cant handle.. it may be hard and seem unfare but everything happens for a reason and that love will always be in his life no matter what!! believe in yourself and let him believe in his self. life may start little but it is soon to grow! things will be set right.. just tell him to think.. to REALLY THINK!! to find a way to get away from what is happening to him.. and that drugs, over dose, and suicide isnt the answer. i think its away of hiding and making more for him to suffer by what he is doing to him self. and tell some one. who can help him get out of there.
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omg ok if he doesnt like doctors then at least tell an adult to get his brother to stop raping him!Hes gotta tell somebody even if its the police!yeah yeah i know its his brother but what his brothers doin can lead your boyfreind to killin himself one day man.Talk him into telling the cops?Where his parents at?Do they know about this?Well i really think that your boyfreind should tell them and if he dont do it you gotta tell them YOURSELF cuz your his girlfreind and you want him to be happy and you want this to end don you.
MY second idea is that you can tell a trusted adult YOU know about his probelm and see what theyll tell you to do,since theyre older and more experienced theyll deffinetly know how to help your guy.
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****EDIT****um ACTUALLY NO. ,ALL im saying is he needs to see a psychiatrist. he needs more help than just you. i dont appreciate your sarcastic tone, what i told you is what i learned. so whatever, thanks for the 3
I took psychology in college, and if there is one thing i have learned its this:
sexual abuse like that is a major problem and a professional psychiatrist is the best answer for him. he needs to talk to a mental health professional about his depression and sexual abuse. i know you want to help, but all the words in the world cant help him. he needs to talk to someone who is trained and give therapy, perhaps meds (although i have read anti depressants aren't recommended for those under 18) but i really feel the need for him to get professional therapy to confront his abuse and depression. i know for this past year you have probably tried everything you can think of to help him, but he is obviously depressed and the abuse is traumatic for anyone to deal with. he should really start seeing a counselor because who knows, one day he might actually go through with the suicide :/
best of luck. please feel free to inbox me
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My advice would be to encourage him to seek some kind of professional help. It's can be a long, long, loooong process to get better from something like depression, but something like seeing a psychiatrist/therapist often helps after a while of agony. The trick is sticking it out.
Other than that, everything you've already done seems plenty in making him feel better. It's like this: you may help him an infinite amount, but when you have depression, all that happiness that you cause usually remains on this top level of your emotional side, the very top level, while right under the surface there is this huge mess of feeling dead and sad and useless all of the time. It's going to take a while for him to get better from this, not gonna lie. Largely, though, it's something that he's gotta fight. Hopefully, he'll have some sort of professional with him, but really, there's nothing along the lines of pep talks or chocolate cake that are going to make a difference. If you spend all your energy trying to make him happy, and then he gets to the point where he can't be happy, he'll just feel upset that he let you down when he knows you care so much about him.
Please, don't blame yourself for this, or tell yourself that you have not made his life better. Depression is this huge condition/disorder/thing that is pretty damn painful, confusing, and often scary for the people going through it. Getting over the depression is something huge and it takes something a lot more than a friendship or a relationship to cure it, or sometimes even to get the person feeling "happy."
What you have done so far for him is truly amazing, don't even try to kid yourself on that one. You've stayed with someone who is facing some serious mental shit and still want to do everything you can to help him. Rereading that line about how you've talked him out of cutting, drugs, drinking, and suicide, I almost can't believe it - those are some serious vices to crack.
If anything, take a little of the weight off your own shoulders - do you have anyone to talk about about this? His problems are serious, not easy things for you or I or his parents to solve. Having someone that listens to you, that stays by you even on your worst days is huge when faced with something like depression. In fact, it's probably the most you could do for him. Understand that, no matter how much you want to, depression is not something you can talk him out of. Once you accept this, accept that being the trusted confidante you already are is the most you can do to help him. This will take a huge weight off of your shoulders.
Please, don't feel like this is your fault, that you are responsible for this in any way. You've done so much to help this guy already.
Just as a side note, though, if it's true that he's being raped at home, telling a guidance councilor/social worker/kids help phone, or suggesting he do so, probably couldn't hurt.
Edit/ Additional Comments:
It can be hard to buck the system when everyone makes it seem like the only way to get better. Speaking from an insider, though, I can understand how "the system" is complicated, even flawed. Although it probably is the best way to deal with more serious forms of depression, there are alternative things that also help, and there are therapeutic things that don't involve traditional therapy. I'm no expert, but you could drop me one in my inbox if you'd like to hear the whole insiders/whatever has ever worked for me bit (though I don't claim to have gone through anything as intense as your boyfriend has). But really - sometimes even simple things like getting a good nights sleep, or exercising (endorphins are really good for you)can help.
Wish you both luck and hang in there =]
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