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Living with a person who has Anger Problems
ok... I live with my boyfriend who I've almost been with for 2 years (I've only lived with him for like 6 months and this has panned out because of a family breakdown with my family) and we've gone through alot together. Theres an age difference I'm 17 and he's 19 but that doesn't really bother me or him.
He has always been a person who can get angry easily and his moods can change quickly. Its like he doesn't know how to control his emotions, even he says that he can't control his actions when he is angry. He knows and has accepted that he needs help and has made an appointment and everything but its not til March which is a little over a month away and he is worried about that cause he needs help quicker than that.
I get annoyed because he spends alot of time to himself and he doesn't open really talk to me alot about whats going on with him which hurts me cause I tell him everything (he knows this but says that he doesn't tell me cause he wants to tell someone that can really help) things get so heated between us that we'll sometimes get physical even though we both know its wrong.
It tears me up inside that I can see he doesn't mean to do the things he does, Its not his personality and you can just see a look in his eye. His father has bipola so I'm not sure if thats heridetary?
He asks me to give him space if he's angry but I feel as though I need to help him but when I try things just get worse and I feel inside me that I can't just walk away and leave him.
I need some ways on how to deal with it myself, so that I don't get down about it and I need some stratergies to just be able to walk away and let him cool down.
ANY HELP IS GREAT!!!
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Well, I don't have anger problems, but I AM just like him in the "If I'm pissed I need personal space to cool off"
If he asks for space, respect that. Its him trying to keep himself under control. Let him. As far as strategies, you don't really need any. Just back off and stop trying to talk to him for a bit. Then just ask him if he's ready to talk every 10-15 minutes. At some point he will come back and you can talk.
Instead of feeding the fires between you, you need to work on stepping back and saying "Hey, I love this guy, and I don't want to fight with him" and look at him and tell him that.
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You shouldn’t feel guilty about leaving him hun. If you are going to feel guilty feel guilty about not listening to his request and needs. Your boyfriend has told you something very personal right there: He has asked you to leave him alone when he looses control. That is a totally acceptable request and a smart move on his part. If you can respect that, he will call you if he needs you.
He has also asked, with his actions, for down-time. People who are having trouble within their own minds NEED a lot of time to themselves to recuperate and stay healthy. You need to respect that and not always be pressuring him to ‘share’ with you. He can’t share feelings that he can hardly sort out.
Take a walk, play a computer game, pick up a book, put in a movie, bake cupcakes. DO SOMETHING, it doesn’t really matter what. Just do something that will keep your hands and mind busy when he gets upset and will give him a chance to calm down.
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Okay...you got a lot going on....so maybe he doesnt tell you the way he feels because that is his personality...many people including me do that. We shut out the ppl we love and keep all our emotions inside, and it irritates you or those you would like to know whats wrong, but some ppl, as myself, just cant help it cause its who we are. That doesnt always mean that you cant try and fix it, you just have to keep telling that person that you are their for them and that you will listen. try to relate to them...also maybe even though you want to help when he gets mad, try to stay out of it...you know that it gets worse if you try to help so just let him cool offf a little before you try to help...its probably the best thing to do....after he cools down a little get him some ice cream or something and try to talk to him...guys LOVE food:D! Dont get down if it doesnt work and dont think you need to solve all of his problems cause hunny you dont....do you think that they would go out of their way to see how to get to us like many of us women to....most times the answer would be NO....
Well I hope I was of some help
My email is blue_eyed_cancer19@yahoo.com
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1: DO WHAT HE SAYS AND STAY AWAY FROM HIM WHEN HES ANGRY.
2: just attempt to keep him happy.
3: accpet the fact he doesnt wanna open up.
4: wait for the help.
5: give him a stress ball or something to squeeze or punch when hes pissed.
6: when hes mad, bending over and taking a warm washcloth to the back of his neck works wonders.
hope it helps. :)
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Well, first off, leave if you ever feel threatened.
Number 2, When he says give him space, it might be in both of your best interests, because people with anger problems, a lot of the time, will excel their anger into violence.
3. Trying getting him to go into an actual doctor. I use to have anger/depression problems, and they put me on welbutrin, which helped me a lot.
So, just try to go by those steps^. and let me know how things went.
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