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panicking/bitchy mom
16/f. parents aren't divorced..
so, I'm a sophomore in school. generally, i'm a good student and i have honors/ap classes and am part of clubs and activities.
lately, my mom's been really quarrelsome. she'll panic over the tiniest things and always blame them on me.
today we had a fight. i don't know what i want to be in life yet, but i do have an idea. my mom's been PRESSURING me SO much to find out. i told her i didnt know. she started yelling at me that i'll never succeed, what kind of life am i going to live, i'm an egomaniac and a little bitch who's a coward and has no friends and that chatting on the internet is more important to me. she just EXPLODED on me. now she's not talking to me and she said "next time you need something, dont even bother coming to me. im not your mother anymore." she just randomly talks about little problems with me that have nothing to do with what we're talking about but are clearly my weaknesses.
and i told her that i have 3 years to choose what i want to be, but she began comparing me to other smart and more mature girls.
why is this? =\
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ur mom is suffering from what my mom is suffering from:::breakdowns from stress and whatnot. my mother acts the same and says things so0 hurtful but to be honest it hurts. and although it hurts trust me deeep down she jut wants wats best for you. shes showin it in the worst way but all mothers want is love and affection back from you too. good luck
belkis =]
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Well, first of all I have to say that very few sophomores KNOW what they want to do in life. Some may have an idea, but it's almost guaranteed that they will change their mind before graduation. Sure, there are some people who know from birth that they want to be a doctor or whatever, but they are definitely the exception. In fact, the majority of high school seniors haven't decided on a major... and 50% of college students change their major, some more than once. Besides all that, a lot of college graduates end up in careers that have nothing to do with their degrees! So don't let your mom's panicky feelings about this be contagious... you'll figure it out eventually, but there's really no hurry!
Now, about your mom. It really stinks that she's acting this way. And I know this isn't going to solve anything, but it might help to keep this in mind: parents are just people. And like all people, they have problems, faults and flaws. Surely your mom has some really wonderful qualities, but she obviously has some problems as well. Maybe she's stressed from work, or her divorce, or something else... whatever it is, she's taking it out on you. It's not right, and it's not fair, but sadly, that's the way it is right now.
What can you do? Well, the worst thing you can do is argue and fight back, because that will just make things worse. But it's hard not to do that! When someone is attacking or insulting you, your natural reaction is to fight back. But in a parent/child situation, you can almost never win. So the best thing to do is just let it roll off your back. Agree with her, if that's what it takes to calm her down. It won't mean she's right... it'll just mean that you're being the bigger person by heading off a huge fight. Don't think that giving in is going to make you the weaker person. It actually takes more strength to END and arguement than it does to WIN one!
Hopefully, as time goes on, she'll start to chill out a bit. But even if she doesn't, it won't be long before you're off to college and out of the situation. So just try to make the best of it until then!
Good luck!
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Is there another adult you can involved here? Your father, a grandparent, or an aunt or uncle who you can speak too openly?
What your mother is doing is not okay. It's violent, mean and it seems like she is very, very unhappy for some reason. Of course, you know that it isn't your fault that she is feeling this way, even if she doesn't realize it. Although it's could be seen as a bit cold of you to refuse to confide in your mother about your aspirations, her response is completely out of the ball park! Name-calling is simply not okay.
Get another adult involved, someone you can lean on and be honest with. They might be able to help your mother, or help your father to help your mother, to get some of the help she desperately needs, but if nothing else, you will get the adult persceptive on this situation that you really need and that your mother is obviously not able to provide.
As long as she chooses to ignore you, ignore her. Don't bait her by trying to 'discuss' this with her. When a conversation disolves into completely unrealistic expectations and name-calling, you have every right to end it and not to try to 'discuss' agian until everyone can be civil.
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If I was you, I'd feel the same. You need to say something! Mothers DON'T call their daughters mean names and tell them they won't succeed. Is she going through anything? Although she's saying those things, she does seem to be really caring about what you're going to be. So first, I want you to sit her down and tell her to just listen to you. Tell her how you feel. Everyone has flaws. Not everyone knows EXACTLY what they're going to be, what they're going to do when you grow up. You're a sophomore, you might want to just start thinking about it, but you don't have to have a definite choice. Just tell her SOON, because you don't deserve to hear that from your mom. I think she must be going through something, so maybe you can both comfort each other.
*And when she explodes, don't yell back! She can use it against you. Just keep asking what she means and why, she'll soon realize her mistake.
I really hope you guys work it out, if you need any other help please drop something in my inbox!
--Footballchick2
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