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Will Teen Love Always End In Flames?
Ohhkay. Where to start. I'm confused. It really would be great to get some older opinions on this question. My topic is: teenage love. What does everyone think of it? Because all my friends, or a fair few, will have a boyfriend who they keep for a week or a month or two and they'll be from day one, "head over heels in love". Now, I for one think that's ridiculous! They're 15/16 year olds and, in particular examples, they'll have a week or two, maybe a month of I love You after they met about 2 days previously - or online or something, and then it stops. I for one think that love can't be anything more than infatuation, but I think this has become the image of teenage love. Now I started going out with my boyfriend 11 months ago and I knew I didn't love him at the start. It was like a 15 year old crush on both parts. I didn't admit to myself I loved him until about 5 months had passed. And even then I didn't say it verbally. Now, at 11 months I feel like I can talk about it freely with him and we've never been closer; I really can't see the end right now, even though everything inevitably ends. But my parents seem to think that it won't last and I'm being ridiculous, wanting to see him so much. They say it won't last, although compared to my friends, me and my boyfriend are practically an old aged married couple - they say its ridiculous that tennagers can possibly even contemplate the meaning of the word 'love'. They also say that what I have is hardly a commitment or any kind of dedication even though I feel completely commited , which I will admit came with time (about a month or two, even more so now). I just want to know - is this true? Have any of you ever experienced or seen 'teen love' do anything but crash and burn compared to the relationships people have when slightly older? Do you think that for some people, like me, it could last? Or is it, in your opinion also, likely to end and be forgotten about? Do you think there is more of a sense of commitment when you're more mature or an equal amount?
Thankyou! Your feedback is
VERY MUCH appreciated
Faye.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Faye, on this site, you get to read a lot of teen relationships which crash and burn with nobody to pick up the peices. Some relationships are sometimes just not meant to be, whilst some others are. It depends upon the couple as to whether their honest with each other and respect each other.
Many teens think that love is something which comes when we want it to, but working with people has helped me to realise that it doesn't. Love just happens, there is no way to explain why.
This is what has happened to you, you didn't love him at first, but now you do. Even though you wanted to deny it, it happened.
I can see this relationship going on for quite a while because i can see you as an open minded person who knows what to do. Trust your instincts for they tend to be right.
Good luck with the future,
triquetra
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I, like you, thought me and my boyfriend were meant to last forever. He got really hardcore into drugs after 2 1/2 years of dating, and ended up beating the living shit out of me and we broke up. All I'm saying is, be careful, because no one should have to deal with abuse. Best of luck.
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Everyone has to learn to love.
When you're young, you have short relationships. You learn what it is to feel things for people. Over time, the ability to feel and recognize those emotions matures and grows.
The level to which someone can love someone else at 15 doesnt compare to 5 years later, 10 years later. Its a shallow love. "Youre interested in me and I'm interested in you and it feels good" kind of thing. Later in life theres more commitment and feeling behind that.
Your parents are right to a degree. Rarely does teenaged love last. Why?
Because people change. You fall in love with someone, and a few years later they are a different person. And without alot of maturity its difficult to grow with your partner's changes. Adults are more formed. When you are in your 20s, you are more of who you will be for the rest of your life (infinitely more) than you are at 15-16.
Are they completely right? Can you make it work? Sure you can. Will you both want to forever? I cant say. That could change on either side.
My parents started dating at 15, got married at 20, and had me at 24. Looking back, I think that they don't wish they had waited, but they know that had they waited they might not have ended up together. They committed to each other and changed alot after that. My mother made comments about how my father was very, very different from the man she married when I was a teen.
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I wont say I don't 'believe' in teenage love. Thats a bit like saying I don't believe in tabby cats... but I have to say I have never seen it last in any recent generation, and will be shocked when/if I do.
You kind of nailed it in your question: The 'Feelings' of commitment and affection are there, in you, and maybe even just as much so in your flaky friends! The feelings are REAL, but the maturity, self-knowledge, emotional intelligence (which comes with experience) and the basic ABILITY to stay together in a relationship is lacking.
Your teens is a time for independent thinking and acting, biologically, that is what you are wired for. 'Love' even in adults, has trouble triumphing over what teenagers inevitably face: huge differences and developing life goals, major transitions in values and in workplace, living arrangements, education and maybe even geographically!
With all those factors and more, and the inexperience with dealing with them, odds are against healthy, maintainable 'love'. It's just not damn likely. Feelings might be real, but the follow-through on those feelings, is almost impossible.
My advice to you: Enjoy what you have. Live in such a way that no matter if you celebrate your 50th anniversary with this guy, or with someone else, or no one at all, you can look back, smile, and be proud of yourself.
And LISTEN to your parents. Even when you disagree, at least listen to them. They might be seeing something you can't, and balancing your relationship and the rest of your life is important.
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Well, I know I'm younger than what you wanted, but I can answer most of it :]. I thnk you can love someone without BEING in love with them. I love my boyfriend but I know I am not in love with him. I agree, kids these days use the word to much. I think teens that are like "oh I love you so and so" Mean they love the feeling of not being alone. The idea that they always have someone (for the time being). Then again, there are those that find love very young. I know a happily married couple that started dating in 8th grade! I'm kindof in your position, and I think your parents might be worried. You know, they don't want a) your heart broken. They don't want you to get your hopes up so they're warning you early. And b), they don't want you to think that you're ready for marriage or anything. I don't know any parents that exactly ENCOURAGE their children to get married at 15-16 (assuming that's your age). You know how parents are, always worried ha ha ;] anyway, I hope you find your answer somewhere in this big mass of...ramble. ha ha hope I helped!
-Jessica- :]
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I do believe in teenage love. I was like you before, and it took a long time for me to say i love you to my boyfriend now (of a year and six months). I dont think that all teenage relationships end. I think that your first love, true love, will remain if it is in fact true love. I think that if you're ready at the time and are committed to a relationship, and if you're willing to do what it takes to make that relationship work, I think that the relationship can survive. My sister and her husband have been together for seven years. She's 22 now. I really do believe in love..all types of love and i don't believe that adults know everything about love (im not saying us teenagers do). I don't think that there's necessarily more commitment when you're older. I think it's about how much you're willing to put into the relationship. It's about your strength, and about how much the relationship means to you.
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