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fantasies and cheating
Lately my gf has been telling me about these dreams she has about other guys forcing her to hook up with them and she told me that "you shouldn't struggle, you should just go along with it". She also sort of admitted that this is a fantasy of hers. What I'm wondering is, if someone started kissing her and she kissed him back, wouldn't that be cheating regardless of how the kissing started? Couldn't she just use being forced as an excuse, especially if its a fantasy of hers? In my opinion, if someone holds her and starts kissing her, she should push him away rather than kiss him back. We are in a committed relationship by the way.
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it would be cheating if she didnt try to push away. but it wouldnt if she had no say whatsoever in it. but if she kissed him. yeah it would be cheating. if it was rape. then it wouldnt
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There are a whole bunch of 'ifs' in your question love, and frankly, I think you are missing the point of her sharing this with you.
She, like MANY women, has fantasies of nonconsensual/reluctant sexual activity or 'rape'. It is an EXTREMELY common fantasy that isn't about cheating or variety, it's about feeling just that damn attractive and about not being responsible for what happens (because society teaches women that they can't be 'responsible' or 'good girls' and still want sex, many of us struggle with how to express our desires. these fantasies seem solve that problem for women).
Your girlfriend is probably not telling you she wants to cheat. She might be telling you the exact opposite. She might be telling you that she wants to be open, honest and accepted by you about all things, including her kinks.
Ask her what she wants to DO about these fantasies. I bet it includes you, not these dream guys.
One last thing: NEVER, EVER accuse a woman of using force as an excuse. Please. That sort of thing is the reason so many rapes go unreported. People say things like “Well, she was really asking for it” or “It seemed like she was into him” or “I bet she liked it.” Those sort of thoughts are dangerous and cruel. If a woman says she was forced, please believe her. Even if she wasn’t forced frankly, if you care about someone, trust them and run the risk that she is making a fool of you RATHER then disbelieving her and victimizing and shaming her all over again.
If you can’t trust a girl not to cheat, don’t be with her. If you can trust her enough to be with her, you damn well better trust her if she comes to you with news like sexual assault or rape.
ALSO: Please show your girlfriend these links. I think it’s important that she understands, despite her fantasies, that it is in fact wise of a women to fight sexual assault. The statistics are there: fighting back is a valid option, does not put the women in any greater danger than they are already in and can be effective in stopping an attacker.
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Maybe she is giving you hint that she wants you to do something like that. Maybe you should try it and see what happens.
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i do agree with you and i think her response about "you should go with the flow" is very strange. just bring it up to her and show your concerns. everyone has their fantasies, its totally normal. i bet you have fantasies too. its completely ok to have them, as long as you dont ACT on those fantasies and actually carry them out. you told us here in your question that you think she should push the person away, not go with it. talk to her about that and your feelings. any issues in a commited relationship should definitely be talked about. hopefully you can clear things up with her. just remember, fantasies are ok and normal, as long as she doesnt act them out or cheat.
-melissa
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Well sometimes you don't have control over your dreams but I think your girlfriend is giving you a hint hint wink wink that you should fulfill her fantasies.
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