|
How can I help my friend??
13/f.My friend can't hear herself sing.She gets bad grades and she's quite DUMB to say one thing.She has no like particular good "talent" except maybe art which she is good at but not really good..She's also kinda ugly,short, and very overweight.She really wants to be popular,skinny,pretty and all but she is lazy and in my opinion,doesn't try very hard.She likes music,and wanted to be a singer(found out a month ago and convinced her or at least I hope I convinced her)that it isn't the thing for her.I recommended a guitarist(not really) and an artist,but i don't think it'll happen.She is always teased by boys and other girls and she is always saying "I hate (whoever whoever that gossips about her) or I hate myself or I wanna die."Her personality doesn't stand out either because she is very self-conscious,sensitive,shy,quiet,unconfident,and just plain WEAK.Also,I can tell she is very jealous of me,which I HATE.She makes me mad when she acts so mean when I complain about boys chasing me,and random guys on the internet saying I'm pretty and all.I'm quite the opposite of her:friendly,cheerful,popular,slim,tall,pretty,smart,and such(well I guess sometimes I brag to her).I don't think it really matters and I try to point out the things that she is better at,which is her drawing and her tame character trait.Otherwise,she's a really good friend.She laughs easily and doesn't get mad too quick.She's patient,forgiving,and loyal.I really like her and I don't think I'm HALF as obedient as her.Can anyone give me advice on convincing her that looks and reputation aren't all??
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
With friends like you, who needs enemies?
You cannot possibly convince her that looks and reputation don't mean much, since it obviously means so much to you. Just the fact that you look at yourself as slim, tall, pretty and smart and you say she is ugly, short and very overweight--come on. what's on the outside is the only thing that matters to you.
And who are you to tell her she can't sing? A real friend would encourage her.
Do this girl a favor, stop pretending to be her friend, so she can go out and get some real friends.
]
definedeyes answer is EXACTLY what i would say as well. you might not want to "complain" about your problems, since you're obviously so much more "popular" than she is. seriously, think about if you were her. would you really want your "best friend" complaining about her popularity problems to you, while you weren't remotely "popular"?
and what is the deal with popularity, anyway? sure, it's great to be loved by a lot of people. but remind her AND YOURSELF that being REAL is so much more cool than being popular.
]
... After reading your 'problem', you do not sound like a very mature person yourself, talking so DOWN about your 'friend'. IF you are actually her friend, you would not call her dumb, or talk about how 'over weight' you think she is. I think you need to get off your freaking pedestal and take a step back and look at what you just said. In the end of your question.. you said this "Can anyone give me advice on convincing her that looks and reputation aren't all?" YOU Need to realize that yourself first. YOU are acting very shallow, saying that shes ugly and fat and that you're skinny and popular. Looks aren't everything, and I know that. But do you? I feel so bad for your friend, you mentioned she is very self-conscious, but don't you think you are contributing to that? By down-talking your FRIEND? You are making it seem like you are a such a perfect person and yada yada yada. Well obviously you are not. And neither is your friend, everyone has flaws. And I think that you are especially flawed because you don't see the beauty of a person. Everyone is equal, everyone is beautiful IN THEIR OWN WAY. No one has to be "skinny,and popular" to be beautiful. You're in middle school, everyone is so shallow then. I'm probably making you so angry by writing this, because you don't want to her it. But I feel the need, because what you have said about her, is horrible. You don't even realize anything now, but when you're older you will understand. Beauty is NOT defined by your physical looks. Grow up.
]
Tell her during this occward stage she is going through , this will give her the chance to see who will always be with her and stay by her side no matter what . Tell her theres no need to be jelous because she is who she is and god made her that way . She's going to have to learn to be happy with her self because 9 outt of 10 dont stick to " oh i wanna lose weight " or i want to do this [ ya know ] . If she doesnt learn how to deal with her self and be happy she will have a very lonley and not so great life . I have a friend just like her , i talked to her into not worring what people thought . now she jokes about the size she is . She finaly realized there wasnt anything she could to , but also she found new things about herself . hope i helped
]
More Questions: |