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should i give him another chance?
ok, i asked this question::
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and heres what happened. i cried endlessly for days, but we are on speaking terms now. he seems SO sorry. he has told me a million and one times. hes cried with me.. hes said how he loves me more than anything in this world.. how he cant lose me, hes never loved anyone else as much, no ones ever treated him as good as i have and loved him that much back, and how he was seriously preparing to ask my mom & propose on down the road. he says without me, hes gone. either to live with his dad hours away or to the army.. anything, but i was the only thing keeping him here. that because of me, he hasnt dropped out of school, and he actually cares about things, and that ive showed him so much about himself and changed him for the better.
this puts me in a pickle. i love this kid, but i just cant get over what he did. as of now, we are not together, but its so hard. i feel like i cant just throw away a year and a half ya know? hes seriously never done anything like that before, thats not him. and he said if we were to get back together, he wouldnt try ANYTHING at ALL.
i told him i need time to get over this, and that my trust in him is GONE. it took me months to trust him the first time around [i have major trust issues, mostly with guys thanks to previous boyfriends], and this time would be 10x harder. but all he wants is me back. he seems so sincere.. and i want to give him another chance, but at the same time, i dont want it to be that he'll just sweet talk his way back to me and thats that. i honestly dont think hed do anything like that again, but i dont want to set myself up ya know?
also, he apparently was under the influence of prescription meds that were not his [they were his moms, he wasnt feeling well and didnt take the right thing].. he says that caused him to be in a different state of mind that night... and that he took it the next day, broke things, and had to be hospitalized.
im just lost. should i give him another chance? and also, if so, how can i open up and trust him again, slowly let my guard down, and just not dwell on what happened?
AHH! input??
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He's backpedaling, which is good, because it means he knows he really screwed up, but it's also bad, because it means he isn't telling you the whole truth and is trying desperately to paint himself in the best light possible.
To make himself seem like not such a bad guy: he is lying to you.
You must know that it is ridiculously unlikely that his 'prescription medication' excuse is anything but a load of bullshit. He might really want to believe it, but its still nonsense. No prescription medication turns you into a rapist. Very, very few could even impair someone’s judgment that much…
Tell him to stop contacting you all together. Don’t speak to him and try not to think of him. If, after three months of NO contact at all, he still wants a second chance and you want to try, then go ahead.
For now, keep him away from you. Time will tell you if he is sincere or if he is trying to manipulate you.
If he is the controlling asshole his behavior makes him out to be, he will not go three months without contacting you. He will try different things, maybe even try to work through your friends and family, to try and get messages to you, or try and affect you in some way. He will call you *needing* to talk to you. He will get angry with you and tell you your response is unfair if you hold your ground and insist on the time apart… The distance and time should make his other manipulative behavior obvious to you.
If he is a respectful guy, he will respect your wishes for no contact and if he really wants to be with you, he will wait three months. Three months is a very short time.
You should try a bit of counseling in the meantime. Even if it is nothing but calling a rape hotline in your area, that will help you get this into perspective and work through it. It doesn’t matter if you get back with him or not, you still need to work through this for your own sake.
Time will also tell you if you can get over this and have a production relationship with him. You may forgive him. You may decide he wasn't all that wrong. You may still feel like you can't be with him anymore.
That is my advice to you, but I want to add this: I wouldn’t take him back. I might have, in your shoes at 17, but today as a 22 year-old no way in hell would I take such a guy back. He is old enough to have known better and he made an absolutely moronic excuse as he tried to make light of the situation.
He decided not behave properly. There is a damn good chance he will behave badly again, perhaps never in this way exactly but he’ll find new and exciting ways to disrespect you.
If you catch the slightest whiff of that kind of disrespectful, self-involved, nasty, controlling behavior, dump him on his ass and never ever look back.
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I would give it another chance, he is probably wayyyy to scared to ever do anything like that again. If your not ready, then he needs to respect that completely. I doubt he thought you were awake, although it's possible, its sounds like an excuse for him being horny. Make sure you sit face to face and talk. Explain to him fully that it is never to happen again, and what your limitations are. If he didn't cheat on you it shouldn't be as hard to trust him. Dont take any chances by sleeping, just in case. BUTTTTT IT IS NEVER OK FOR A GUY TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOU! No will always mean no. Boyfriend or not.
If you feel pressure by him, then its not the relationship for you. And despite how much you love him get out of the relationship.
I wish you the best of luck in your battle to trust, and Happy Holidays.
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This is completely up to you. It seems like a very complicated situation & the only person that can seriously give you the best advice is yourself. You know him better than any of us. It really all depends on your feelings. If you feel that he's being sincere & does love you, then yes, maybe you should try giving him another chance. No one is perfect & if the situation was reversed, you would probably want a second chance also. If you feel that he is not being sincere or have doubts, you probably shouldn't. It all depends on how he acts towards you & your feelings for him. It takes time so don't expect to be able to come to a definite decision right away. Your friends should be able to help you also. Ask them for advice & see what they say. It is your decision though & you should talk to him about it.
-hope that helped!♥
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